Tag toxic relationships

STOP FEELING STUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DON’T WORK OUT

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

You know when you go on those dates, and they feel so uncomfortable right out the gate? Well, you should run! For some reason we stick around and continue to allow ourselves to become prey to whatever that person, or people are feeding us. We desire love and affection and attention so much that we will continue to ignore the signals our body and mind are telling us. Our body has natural senses to signal us from danger, and our mind tells us “Something’s off!” but we always ignore it. WHY DO WE DO THAT? Why can’t we listen and react the way we know we should at the core of our soul? It is so frustrating when we don’t listen to ourselves and yet we continue the cycle of allowing ourselves to ignore the red flags. When we have no self-control, we have no control of our mind, our decisions, or our actions.

HOW CAN WE REACT TO THE RED FLAGS?

For starters, when you get that uncomfortable feeling inside your gut that says, “this person is so full of shit” RUN! When you are sitting there listening to someone who is completely out of alignment with your beliefs, RUN! When you are with someone who you are not really attracted to, but you think you can see passed it later down the road, RUN!

What am I really saying? Stop having expectations that other people will change their ways for you and stop changing your ways for other people who don’t value you. Now I am all for transformation and changing of our minds. But when it becomes a complete contradiction of our innate beliefs, I warn to not fall prey to narcissistic or controlling people who are looking for your vulnerability areas. STOP TRYING TO FIT INTO EVERY ONE ELES’S BUBLE!!! Likewise, stop trying to force others to fit into your bubble!

HOW TO GET UNSTUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DON’T WORK

To get unstuck in relationships that we know aren’t going anywhere means avoiding relationships that are out of alignment in the first place. You could have avoided this if you took your time. People don’t take enough time to really get to know one another today. They walk around being fake trying to force relationships. Desperation to find love in the midst of some “common ground”; convincing ourselves to fit in to what other people think and believe, just for one taste to satisfy our personal desire! To have a lasting connection or to experience that unbreakable bond with another being is the ultimate goal for every human being.  God said it best when he said “It is not good for man to be alone!” But when we are fake and act out desperation, what happens a few months down the road? We forget how to think for ourselves, we lose ourselves in other people, and we live with regret hanging over us for even getting involved with these people.

So, to get unstuck in a relationship that holds no value in your own life, means you have to value yourself first. To value yourself means you must force yourself to be true to yourself instead of forcing yourself to fit in. Either way, there is a force inside of you that is trying to guide you. It is your responsibility to choose YOU in that moment and in every moment after. What do I mean? Well ask yourself these two questions when you feel you are at a crossroads.

You have to answer YES to BOTH of the following questions…

  1. Does this serve me, in this moment?
  2. Does this serve me, for the long hall?

If you don’t answer YES! For BOTH questions you need to reevaluate your decision moving forward. WHY? Because anything that is serving you in the moment won’t last forever. And if it doesn’t serve your future, why would you want it anyway? Serving you for the long hall means it serves you TODAY and TOMORROW. Which means it is constant. And a bond that is constant can only be a blessing for you and your life. To get unstuck and avoid relationships that don’t work, you have to strive for relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? “You have to have relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.” This has to apply to both people and not just one sided. Now you ask Christina, how do you do that? “How do you know which relationships are constantly working? First, you need to recognize the relationships that are only temporary distractions from the ones that have long term potential. And the only way to decipher between these two, is to READ THOSE RED FLAGS and eliminate unnecessary distractions from all areas of your life!

READ THE RED FLAGS RIGHT OUT THE GATE

If we would just learn to read the red flags, allow them to fester inside when they’re presented, and then take appropriate actions the second we acknowledge them, we would have a lot less stress around the people we hang around. The truth is people don’t know themselves because they follow the rules of everyone else. We’ve reached this new generation where we don’t think for ourselves, we just fit in and blend in with all the trends. We listen to social media and see what everyone else is saying and we regurgitate it. We don’t even believe half the shit that comes out of our own mouth. We are too afraid to tell our own truth and yet we hate the world’s lies. So why don’t you just read the red flags of the people you know you shouldn’t have in your life and dismiss them. That way you can begin engaging with the people you’re actually in alignment with and stop wasting time with people who derail you from experiencing a great life.

We have moved into a world of DICTATORSHIP, and it’s not only become toxic, but contagious! Not only to our individual lives but to our society as an entirety. We have more and more people becoming narcissists because the character traits of narcissism says “we need control”. Control of people and the environment we live in. And so, when we meet people (and you’re a control freak) you lash out instead of welcoming diversity. To be teachable is to allow change. To allow change into our life is to grow. But the extent of that change is where people get confused. Let me make this very clear for you, “what that life change and growth looks like depends solely on you!” What kind of people are you allowing to influence your life?

OPENING YOUR HEART TO NEW KIND OF PEOPLE

When we meet new people, we have to realize we are stepping into their world. We want to be a steppingstone not a stumbling block for the people we meet. And we want that reciprocated. But to do that we have to try to look at life through their lens, while also seeing clearly through our own lens. We can’t look at everything inward with selfishness and we also can’t look outward to appease people. Yes again, we meet people, and we need to protect ourselves. But we also have to keep in mind that although they are stepping into our world, when we meet people, we are also stepping into their world, from their lens.

WARNING: We just talked about the red flags. Obviously if you meet someone who has narcissistic behavior patterns, you better watch out! In fact, RUN! Because when you enter “their world” they will attempt to control you and force you to play some toxic role in their world. They need you so they can blame you. When you allow people to control you and you lose yourself in them that is where the relational issues begin. Every time you allow people to have control of you in a way that sets them up for success, you get distracted, disappointed and fail. This makes you angry and while It sets them up for success it makes you look insane! Remember this, they can’t blame you for everything bad in their own life including the bad decisions they make, unless you let them!

So yes! We must see the red flags and look through our own lens with clarity, but we also have to be open for change when meeting new people. If that change includes growth for both of you, then that is the kind of relational connection you need to open your heart to. Opening your heart to new kinds of people means it’s essential for you to realize the kind of people you have chosen in the past, and avoid them like the plague. If you don’t learn to read the red flags of the people you are talking to, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship! Similarly, If you don’t begin opening your heart to explore dating new kinds of people, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship!

LET ME END WITH THIS THOUGHT

You are a beautiful soul on an amazing journey through life. Don’t waste it on anyone who makes you feel unworthy or frightened to be yourself. We as humans need to feel free enough to be ourselves, while also growing in all the areas that require self-growth. What is self growth? Well, that depends on you and your expectations for your life. And that is another topic for another day!

But TODAY embrace yourself! Be excited about the journey and explore the unknown with anticipation for the unexpected events that are coming your way. There is someone very special out there who will ‘get you’. Someone who excepts you with all your quirkiness. Someone who will see you through a lens that brings your view into focus. Someone who excites you to the very core of your being. There is someone out there who will inspire you to do the impossible. Someone who will encourage you to do the things that fuel the fire in your soul. There is someone out there who when you meet them you will just know by the look in their eyes that everything is in alignment. A person you want to be with and do life with. A time will come when this person falls right out of the sky into your life with no warning. Embrace it with all its wonder, beauty, and uncertainty. Because the only way to feel unstuck from relationships that don’t work out is to feel attached and connected to one person beyond basic human understanding. Remember to ask yourself “Does this serve me in this moment? And does this serve me for the long haul?”

WHY YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIPS SUCK!

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

Do you ever wonder why all your relationships end up repeating themselves with the same stressful, draining, drama filled people? Well we all go through this. I literally lay down two easy steps that you can take right now to prevent this from happening ever again.

Listen up, because I am here to tell you that starting right now, your relationships can be, “life giving” and not “life sucking”! I’m not just talking about your dating relationships. I’m talking about all the relationships you have professionally and personally.

Truth be told, the reason behind all the “drama” in relationships, is because we have lost total control of who we are as individuals. Everything we know about relationships is BS. We are taught by our parents what relationships look like, we are influenced by media (TV, Facebook, Vacation Ads, Marketers, etc.) on what relationships “should look like”, and we are more connected to technology, then we are with our own human species. We have literally lost totally connection to our own being, and yet we wonder why we are so unhappy. We wonder why there is war in the world, yet we do these 5 asinine things daily:

“5 Asinine things we Do daily”

  1. We walk out our doors and flick people off who drive too slowly or cut us off.
  2. We yell at people who are texting and driving, yet we text and browse the internet while driving.
  3. We get angry when we get stuck in traffic, even though we know there will be traffic.
  4. We yell at other people when things don’t go as we expected.
  5. We are screaming just because it somehow gives us pleasure to lash out at other people.

What is that all about anyway? When did it become a “trend” to be disrespectful? I am not kidding! The human race has lost all respect. In fact, we’ve not only lost the concept of respect, we use the word “respect” in a disrespectful way. We use it to get leverage.

OH, FYI, if You don’t know who I am and this is your first time here, let me introduce myself. “Hi, I am Christina, AKA Organic Tina. I don’t sugar coat shit, but I will help you find solutions!” Embrace yourself, because it’s about to GET REAL UP IN HERE…”

We have NO SELF RESPECT and We DON’T RESPECT OTHERS

Why do our relationships suck? Um, excuse me? Hello? Do you see the problem here? We have become an over reactive species. Our relationships don’t work where love is concerned, and they don’t really work in any other area of our life either. We react to everything in the most dramatic way. Our boss can’t give us constructive criticism because we overreact, and when he/she let’s us go, then we overreact again by bashing the boss and saying “how disrespectful they were”. We do the same with teachers, professors clients, kids, parents and the list goes on. We have become so out of touch with “learning ourselves” or “accepting change by listening to constructive criticism” that if people don’t meet our expectations, we overreact and become completely disrespectful. And that brings me to my point….

Your relationships suck, because YOU SUCK!

You are the reason nothing is turning out the way YOU WANT. You don’t sit with yourself long enough to know what you even want. You don’t turn off the TV, put down the phone, stop opening the books, put down whatever it is that you’re in the habit of doing, and just sit in your own thoughts for 5 minutes!

How can you expect everything to go your way? You don’t even know what “your way” is! Let me ask you something, What the hell do you want in a relationship? And are you willing to change to make it work? Probably not. Why should you have to change to make other people happy? Well good news, YOU DON’T! But what you do have to do is these two little simple steps.

1. Write down what you want. That’s right! Go get a pen right now and write down WHAT YOU WANT.

WRITE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW…. What do You Want in a Relationship???

Did you write it down? I’m still waiting here. Go ahead, write it down. Go get a pen and write it down. Hello, did you write it down yet? No, you didn’t! You’re still here reading this article! I literally just gave you the first step to finding your perfect relationship and you can’t even do one simple step! You know what the problem is, YOU! You want to sit there in your pity party, and you want to drag everyone down with you and blame others because you’re not happy in your relationships. You expect everyone to listen to you and you don’t even know what YOU WANT. And all because you can’t take 5 minutes to write down “what the hell you really want in a relationship”.

Now, if you are the exception, and you actually went and took 5 minutes to write down “what you want your relationship to look like moving forward”, then THAT IS AWESOME! You my friend, are heading towards a journey that will bring you clarity in ALL your relationships. That’s right, I said CLARITY in ALL relationships. Look at the list you wrote, and now I need you to do one more thing. And this is going to be the hard part. This is step number 2.

2. REFLECTION

I always say “reflection” is one of the hardest things for people to do. Humans have a really difficult time facing the reflection, when they realize the one thing staring back at them, is themselves. When you write down what you want in your relationships, and you spend time looking over it, you’re literally looking at your own expectations in your relationships. Now, let me ask you this, and please be honest. If you found a person of that stature today, would they like who you are right now? I know that takes a second. Let me say it one more time “If you met your perfect partner today, would they really like the person you are today?”

 I know that sucks! But, truth is, If you are not “A REFECTION OF WHAT YOU WANT” you will always be conflicted, and you will always be in “want”. Right now, you have these expectations about the kind of person you wish your partner was, or the type of person you want to be with, and you struggle to understand why your attracting all the wrong people. When the truth is, you are not attracting the right kind of people, because those people you’re wanting to attract, are not attracted to you! I know that sucks to hear too, but it is the truth.

NOW LET’S LOOK THROUGH A NEW LENZ, SHALL WE?

I am a “problem solver” not a “people pleaser”. (Okay maybe I am still working on the whole people pleaser thing). Regardless, I want to help you begin to lose everything in your life that is TOXIC. But I am not going to sugar coat it to get you there. I want to help you engage with the people who are Beneficial for “YOU”. You are special and you are unique! I want to help you embrace your uniqueness. Each and every one of us has a design, and each design has a purpose. With that said, Let’s get you in a place of clarity….

HOW CAN I BEGIN TO HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS?

So, you wrote down all the qualities of the person you would like in your life, right? Did you reflect on the character of the person you want, and the person you are right now? What does that look like to you? How do you look in that relationship, as you are right now? You must get this! Obviously, you really don’t mesh well with the person you are looking for or you would not be reading this article. But you also don’t mesh with the one’s you do find creeping into your life. You must look intently at that list, (who do I want in my life, and who don’t I want in my life) and look intently at yourself. Now ask yourself this very important question: “How can I become the type person I want to be with?”

THE ACTION YOU HAVE TO TAKE

That’s right, you have to become the kind of person you want in your life. The people you are currently attracting, is “YOU NOW”. But what does “FUTURE YOU” look like? You must become your future self! I promise you that once you become satisfied with yourself, and your own circumstances, the person you find yourself with, will actually “add” to your life, rather than “drain” your life. This person will make you feel even better and build you even higher than you build yourself. Listen, you know that “peddle stool” everyone talks about? Well, this person will put you on one of those, but even higher than you put yourself. I know you don’t put yourself on a peddle stool at all right now, but eventually you will! That is, if spend time to get to know yourself.

 So, starting today write down the kind of person you would like to find standing next to your future self. Don’t allow anymore toxic relationships to come into your life and your relationships won’t suck. You can’t blame other people because you make your own choices in life. We live in a very big world. There are many different styles of life. What style of life do you want to live? Are you living in a way that expresses the lifestyle you want in a partner? Probably not! And that is okay. You have learned so much from every relationship you have already been in. You know exactly what you DON’T WANT. So, write that down! Acknowledge that so you can see it coming back into your life when you meet new people. You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to settle.

So, in closing, find yourself and complete yourself first. If, and when you find a partner, he or she will complement your character. They will add to your already perfect life. They will encourage and build you up. Don’t allow people to trick you into doing what you don’t want or living in a way you’re not comfortable with. You know what your expectations are “RIGHT NOW”, you know the lifestyle you want to live tomorrow, and you’re aware of the lifestyle you don’t want to live anymore. So, stop getting into relationships with people who live in ways that conflict with these morals. I don’t care how “HOT” he is, if he doesn’t know how to manage money, he is NOT FOR ME! If he smokes and has habits that I don’t, HE IS NOT FOR ME! If he doesn’t live what “I see as healthy” he is not for me. If he doesn’t like ORGANIC, he is not for me……the list goes on. Stop settling for guys (or girls) who are not in alignment with your morals. Bottom line!

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today or join my channel on YouTube. This is how you begin your journey into an abundant life. By taking actions and embracing the unknown adventures. Living in abundance is a choice…

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