Tag self-worth

STOP FEELING STUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DON’T WORK OUT

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

You know when you go on those dates, and they feel so uncomfortable right out the gate? Well, you should run! For some reason we stick around and continue to allow ourselves to become prey to whatever that person, or people are feeding us. We desire love and affection and attention so much that we will continue to ignore the signals our body and mind are telling us. Our body has natural senses to signal us from danger, and our mind tells us “Something’s off!” but we always ignore it. WHY DO WE DO THAT? Why can’t we listen and react the way we know we should at the core of our soul? It is so frustrating when we don’t listen to ourselves and yet we continue the cycle of allowing ourselves to ignore the red flags. When we have no self-control, we have no control of our mind, our decisions, or our actions.

HOW CAN WE REACT TO THE RED FLAGS?

For starters, when you get that uncomfortable feeling inside your gut that says, “this person is so full of shit” RUN! When you are sitting there listening to someone who is completely out of alignment with your beliefs, RUN! When you are with someone who you are not really attracted to, but you think you can see passed it later down the road, RUN!

What am I really saying? Stop having expectations that other people will change their ways for you and stop changing your ways for other people who don’t value you. Now I am all for transformation and changing of our minds. But when it becomes a complete contradiction of our innate beliefs, I warn to not fall prey to narcissistic or controlling people who are looking for your vulnerability areas. STOP TRYING TO FIT INTO EVERY ONE ELES’S BUBLE!!! Likewise, stop trying to force others to fit into your bubble!

HOW TO GET UNSTUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DON’T WORK

To get unstuck in relationships that we know aren’t going anywhere means avoiding relationships that are out of alignment in the first place. You could have avoided this if you took your time. People don’t take enough time to really get to know one another today. They walk around being fake trying to force relationships. Desperation to find love in the midst of some “common ground”; convincing ourselves to fit in to what other people think and believe, just for one taste to satisfy our personal desire! To have a lasting connection or to experience that unbreakable bond with another being is the ultimate goal for every human being.  God said it best when he said “It is not good for man to be alone!” But when we are fake and act out desperation, what happens a few months down the road? We forget how to think for ourselves, we lose ourselves in other people, and we live with regret hanging over us for even getting involved with these people.

So, to get unstuck in a relationship that holds no value in your own life, means you have to value yourself first. To value yourself means you must force yourself to be true to yourself instead of forcing yourself to fit in. Either way, there is a force inside of you that is trying to guide you. It is your responsibility to choose YOU in that moment and in every moment after. What do I mean? Well ask yourself these two questions when you feel you are at a crossroads.

You have to answer YES to BOTH of the following questions…

  1. Does this serve me, in this moment?
  2. Does this serve me, for the long hall?

If you don’t answer YES! For BOTH questions you need to reevaluate your decision moving forward. WHY? Because anything that is serving you in the moment won’t last forever. And if it doesn’t serve your future, why would you want it anyway? Serving you for the long hall means it serves you TODAY and TOMORROW. Which means it is constant. And a bond that is constant can only be a blessing for you and your life. To get unstuck and avoid relationships that don’t work, you have to strive for relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? “You have to have relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.” This has to apply to both people and not just one sided. Now you ask Christina, how do you do that? “How do you know which relationships are constantly working? First, you need to recognize the relationships that are only temporary distractions from the ones that have long term potential. And the only way to decipher between these two, is to READ THOSE RED FLAGS and eliminate unnecessary distractions from all areas of your life!

READ THE RED FLAGS RIGHT OUT THE GATE

If we would just learn to read the red flags, allow them to fester inside when they’re presented, and then take appropriate actions the second we acknowledge them, we would have a lot less stress around the people we hang around. The truth is people don’t know themselves because they follow the rules of everyone else. We’ve reached this new generation where we don’t think for ourselves, we just fit in and blend in with all the trends. We listen to social media and see what everyone else is saying and we regurgitate it. We don’t even believe half the shit that comes out of our own mouth. We are too afraid to tell our own truth and yet we hate the world’s lies. So why don’t you just read the red flags of the people you know you shouldn’t have in your life and dismiss them. That way you can begin engaging with the people you’re actually in alignment with and stop wasting time with people who derail you from experiencing a great life.

We have moved into a world of DICTATORSHIP, and it’s not only become toxic, but contagious! Not only to our individual lives but to our society as an entirety. We have more and more people becoming narcissists because the character traits of narcissism says “we need control”. Control of people and the environment we live in. And so, when we meet people (and you’re a control freak) you lash out instead of welcoming diversity. To be teachable is to allow change. To allow change into our life is to grow. But the extent of that change is where people get confused. Let me make this very clear for you, “what that life change and growth looks like depends solely on you!” What kind of people are you allowing to influence your life?

OPENING YOUR HEART TO NEW KIND OF PEOPLE

When we meet new people, we have to realize we are stepping into their world. We want to be a steppingstone not a stumbling block for the people we meet. And we want that reciprocated. But to do that we have to try to look at life through their lens, while also seeing clearly through our own lens. We can’t look at everything inward with selfishness and we also can’t look outward to appease people. Yes again, we meet people, and we need to protect ourselves. But we also have to keep in mind that although they are stepping into our world, when we meet people, we are also stepping into their world, from their lens.

WARNING: We just talked about the red flags. Obviously if you meet someone who has narcissistic behavior patterns, you better watch out! In fact, RUN! Because when you enter “their world” they will attempt to control you and force you to play some toxic role in their world. They need you so they can blame you. When you allow people to control you and you lose yourself in them that is where the relational issues begin. Every time you allow people to have control of you in a way that sets them up for success, you get distracted, disappointed and fail. This makes you angry and while It sets them up for success it makes you look insane! Remember this, they can’t blame you for everything bad in their own life including the bad decisions they make, unless you let them!

So yes! We must see the red flags and look through our own lens with clarity, but we also have to be open for change when meeting new people. If that change includes growth for both of you, then that is the kind of relational connection you need to open your heart to. Opening your heart to new kinds of people means it’s essential for you to realize the kind of people you have chosen in the past, and avoid them like the plague. If you don’t learn to read the red flags of the people you are talking to, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship! Similarly, If you don’t begin opening your heart to explore dating new kinds of people, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship!

LET ME END WITH THIS THOUGHT

You are a beautiful soul on an amazing journey through life. Don’t waste it on anyone who makes you feel unworthy or frightened to be yourself. We as humans need to feel free enough to be ourselves, while also growing in all the areas that require self-growth. What is self growth? Well, that depends on you and your expectations for your life. And that is another topic for another day!

But TODAY embrace yourself! Be excited about the journey and explore the unknown with anticipation for the unexpected events that are coming your way. There is someone very special out there who will ‘get you’. Someone who excepts you with all your quirkiness. Someone who will see you through a lens that brings your view into focus. Someone who excites you to the very core of your being. There is someone out there who will inspire you to do the impossible. Someone who will encourage you to do the things that fuel the fire in your soul. There is someone out there who when you meet them you will just know by the look in their eyes that everything is in alignment. A person you want to be with and do life with. A time will come when this person falls right out of the sky into your life with no warning. Embrace it with all its wonder, beauty, and uncertainty. Because the only way to feel unstuck from relationships that don’t work out is to feel attached and connected to one person beyond basic human understanding. Remember to ask yourself “Does this serve me in this moment? And does this serve me for the long haul?”

Are You Looking to Others for Validation with No Real Results?

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

“Life is exciting when you are on a journey that is unpredictable and untold by others” 

Validation is just affirming that your ideas and emotions matter. But matter to who?  Did you ever notice that we can find passion in something, but the second someone else disagrees or speaks negatively about it, we ignore those thoughts, ideas, and emotions.  Why do we do this?! No matter how passionate we are about something we still require validation from other people. And we give them the power to shut us down! We share our ideas with these people even when we know they will speak over us with their negative input. Words cut at our soul like a sword that kills! Because we hold no standards for ourselves!

I think this year is calling for many of us to realize that words can influence or tear us down, and the people we allow into our life determine that influence. This year is not a year to look for validation from others. It’s a time to set new goals and standards for how we want to live our own life moving forward! Shut those voices down and raise the volume on your ideas! Don’t hear what I am not saying. When I say “RAISE THE VOLUME ON THOSE IDEAS” I am not saying to raise your voice and scream your ideas to the world. On the contrary, I am telling you to raise your own voice to yourself, so you can’t hear the voices of others. In other words, raise the volume in your mind so the spirit is louder than the people.

This year is a year to prosper. We don’t have to hurt people in the process, but we don’t have to allow them to hurt us with their personal opinions either. Their life is not your life. Stop trying to be like everyone else and be yourself! How do they know what you’re capable of when you don’t even know what you’re capable of until you try. So, just TRY! Just try being yourself for one week. Don’t ask anyone for advice just sit quietly by yourself with your own thoughts. Then just sit and wait for the answers.

But then, you can’t be afraid to do “the thing”! You know that thing that you feel deep inside, just do it! The only validation you need is the one that comes deep within you. Trust in yourself, because no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter how lost you feel, or confused you may seem, success is on the other side. And remember this, no matter how successful or unsuccessful you are, there will always be haters! People will always have opinions and they have a desire to be heard. But those few people who do succeed with peace and happiness, are the ones that shut out the negative voices. They don’t care about validation, because they are aware that we are all on a different journey. The only reason other people’s opinions hurt so much, is because they are not in alignment with you or your life’s purpose. They have their own purpose.

When we stop looking for validation from other people loneliness begins to kick in. I won’t lie! And that is why we panic, freak out and turn to people. We are not meant to be alone forever, but there is a time and place to be alone with yourself so the holy spirit inside you can move mountains. Don’t be afraid to begin climbing the mountain alone, you’ll find the right people in the journey, once you get on the path that is meant for you. 

People will always have something negative to say. Some things you must embrace! It’s true, we must take some advice as warnings and signs. But it is also true that we must be very careful who’s advice we take when we are on our own journey. If it is not encouraging, offering hope, and building you up with confidence, let it go!!! That is not good advice! Discernment, mindfulness, and self-awareness is so important at this time. Did you ever notice those same people who talk down to you are the same people who do a lot of talking and not a lot of doing for themselves? That is because they are NOT self-aware or mindful of their own words or actions. Their focused in on what everyone else is doing, unaware and too afraid to do anything to help themselves live happier. So, they throw smack at everyone else who is actually optimistic and exciting about trying new things.

So, yea, there will always be people who have something negative to say about the good things you are passionate about. Let them go! Most people in this world today “talk about it”, but they are too lazy to “be about it”! In fact, we should be mindful of ourselves when we speak to these folks. Truth is, they are most likely fighting their own demands and they are on their own journey. Maybe you were brought into their life to encourage them. Not the other way around.

Don’t underestimate yourself this year! Sometimes it is hard to leave behind the past of familiarity and start again with the unfamiliar. Sometimes it’s even more difficult to step into ‘OUR OWN TRUTH’ when we’ve been following everyone else’s ‘LIES’. I Know I have been struggling with this for years. That is why I write these articles. To be a witness to my readers, that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable in the unfamiliar and the unknown. What is important, is that we embrace the unexpected experiences and be excited about what will be! Life is freaking exciting when you are on a journey that is unpredictable and untold by others. When you create your life’s journey. Why would anyone want to be the person in the room that is always predictable when you can be the one in the room that is mysterious? Don’t you want to be the one person in the room that people are curious about? That seems way more exciting! Not only for you, but for those who cross paths with you!

So, this year take a stand for yourself and affirm confidence in your own skin! This year become the best version of yourself that you possibly can so that others can experience your presence. Your presence alone could light up a room and offer hope to someone who needs it. The key is this, live your life not to prove anything or to impress people. Instead, this year choose to live your life for experiences not pleasures. Hold onto faith. Believe that you were created for something big! Something important! Trust the process without the voices in your head telling you that you’re not good enough or that you can’t do it on your own! But don’t be selfish, disrespectful, arrogant, greedy, or a pushover.

WE HAVE A POWER THAT LIVES INSIDE US ALL

Remember, when you feel lonely, there is a God that will never leave you where you are, and He is more than capable of handling the miracles you need this year. You know this, you’ve seen Him move in your life before. Remember that time…?  So, this year, have a little faith my friend! He did miracles for you before and He will do it again! I know sometimes it feels like your alone in the desert, but if you can just hold on a little longer, this year I believe great things are coming! But you must do those things you feel tugging at your soul. You are CAPABLE, MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH, & YES YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS WITH GOD. JUST HAVE FAITH THAT HE BELIEVES IN YOU! And then believe in yourself! Because if you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you?

In my loneliness and scarcity being a single parent, I thought I needed a man in my life to survive. I not only was afraid to be alone after 14 years with someone, but I thought I would never be able to afford to support two kids on my own. All the negative voices came like a flood at my doorstep! “You lack experience who will hire you? “You won’t make it without him!” “Your credit is crap how will you find a place to live?” “Who will be with you now? Your just another girl with baggage!” On, and on, and on!!!! The voices wouldn’t stop! But there was this one quote that stuck with me in my singleness and starting over alone. It was this…

“If you’re a woman who thinks you need a man to save her, remember a man did save you on the cross 2000+ years ago”

If I’m honest, I’ve never felt stronger as a single woman or as a mother, as I do today!  

I’ve been running my own business, I’ve wrote and self-published a book, I have overcome a multitude of problems! I’ve met so many people along the way and have been blessed with the most exciting experiences. Not to mention, my daughters and I are closer than most families that live together in mansions. I may not be rich as the world defines rich, but I am blessed beyond measure! The lies people (demons) told me to scare me from myself, only held me back from living my life. Don’t get me wrong, I struggled and still struggle season after season. Life freaking happens to everyone! But I have never felt safer and more blessed in all my life as I do today.

Jesus said, “we can walk in full confidence and do all things through Him, and He will not only be with us to give us strength, but he will also open doors when we knock, and close doors that do not serve us”. I believe that with all my being because I have witnessed it time and time again. All we have to do is trust in Him and follow His lead. You know that little nudge deep down inside of you that I mentioned earlier? Well, that is God calling you to purpose. Don’t ignore it! That still small voice calling out to you is offering you a key to a door that you’ve been knocking on. All those times you cried out thinking no one heard you, well He did! That still small voice and that nudge deep down inside you are the key to your answers! Just take the key, open the door, walk through it with faith, and then believe that God will take care of everything else. Do the things you can do and leave the rest to God. He has you, trust me! 

If you listen to His Words, they will give you strength and wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong, good, and evil. And His Words have the courage to break the ties that hold you back from living a fulfilled life of purpose. So LIVE!

HOW-TO LIVE-IN PURPOSE WITHOUT VALIDATION FROM SOCIETY

There is a lot of noise in society today. I know the struggle of stepping into faith when we don’t even know what that looks like. It’s not like we get to take a peek behind the curtain of truth! Our lens is so clouded with so much information we can’t even see the truth beyond all the lies. There is a lot going on in this world. The world continues to create more roads and it’s very difficult to determine which path is the right one for our personal journey. I get it! But we must start with awareness. Awareness for ourselves and awareness for our surroundings. What we allow in and out of our life, determines the paths we take. I started my true journey when I stopped watching and listening to all the fake influencers who buy likes and followers. Yes, most influencers are scammers! I don’t listen to the politicians who have ulterior motives. And I see passed the scams on social media that are planting seeds of fear. I know who they are! You know who they are! They show up in your feed every day! They are everywhere! In ads, sponsorships, tick Tok, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook! You can’t escape them! They are a complete distraction from your purpose driven life! We internally see through their scams but for some reason we keep allowing them to push their ideas and beliefs on us. And we continue to be distracted by them

It is becoming normal to live in fear of everything, and angry at everyone. And because they distracted us from Gods truth and Gods good and faithful Will for our life, we end up divided, blinded with lies, and chasing all the wrong things in this world. Living defensive, defenseless, and angry because we choose to follow the wrong paths. You have a choice! You can choose the righteous path, and shine your light into the world, or you can choose to chase validation and validate others who will never see you, your gifts, or your talents worthy. You can choose to see all the evil of this world and live there, or you can choose the door with light and resolution. Do you really want to die leaving the world dark and evil? Or would you like to leave this world knowing you left some light behind for those stuck in darkness?

You don’t need validation from other people. Those people are not going where you’re meant to go! You keep following them and that is why you’re not moving forward. If you take anything from this article, take this,

“There will always be a process when you’re choosing a path for your own journey.

What no one tells you about is that it will always involve a struggle and a lesson before you receive the blessing”.

If you’re not present and aware of yourself, you may miss the whole point of your journey. 

christina ditzel

So, don’t seek validation this year. You don’t need validation from people who won’t go through the struggle with you! The lessons learned on YOUR journey will lead you to blessings that are NOT meant for them but for YOU ONLY. The only way to move forward this year is to get wisdom for yourself. The way to wisdom is through humility, and the only way to have humility is to be teachable through self-perception. This will require obedience, self-discipline and self-control. (This is the storm, and it is all you have to understand).

“Do Not Forsake Wisdom, and she will protect you; Love her and she will watch over you.

The beginning of wisdom is this: ‘Get wisdom’. Though it cost all you have, get understanding”

Proverbs 4:6-7

                                                                                                                                        

WHY DO WOMEN LOOK TO OTHERS FOR VALIDATION

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Are you always looking to others for validation? Or do you declare yourself worthy? 

 Validation is just affirming that your ideas and emotions matter. But Matter to who? Did you ever notice when we are passionate about any one specific topic, the second someone else disagrees or speaks negatively about it, we ignore our own thought, ideas, and emotions? No matter how passionate we feel about something, women are more likely to still require input from others. And even though, we know, they can shut us down with one word it is still a daunting truth most of us deal with daily!

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES, AND EVERYONE HAS ONE!!! 

Today I’m asking you to join me on building intentional actions that create new goals for yourself! Shut those voices down and raise the volume on your ideas! The only validation you need is the one that comes deep within you. Trust in yourself because no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter how needy or successful you are, there will always be haters and people with opinions. 

People will always have something negative to say. Did you ever notice those same people who have a lot to say and talk you down are the same people who also “talk about it” but they are too lazy themselves to “be about it”? Thats why it’s okay to follow through with your own journey without validation from anyone!!!

So, today decide to stand firm in your own skin and become the best version of yourself that you possibly can. Trust the process without the voices in your head telling you that you’re not good enough or that you can’t do it on your own! 

A Message for You from Your Epic Muse

“My beautiful soul sisters, you are CAPABLE, MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH & YES YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS ALONE without a man, a partner, or the permission from others”.

There is this quote that has stuck with me the past 7 years in my singleness and in my loneliness. And of course, in my scarcity of being a single parent and feeling the need for validation or permission to do the “right thing”, I found peace in my own intuition and made my own choices. This quote helped me gain trust in my own decisions, know my own worth, and gave me the strength I needed when I felt lonely. It states… 

“If you’re a woman who wants a man to save her,

remember a man did save you on the cross 2000+ years ago” 

He said we can walk in full confidence and do all things through him, and he will not only be with us to give us strength, but he will open doors when we knock and close the doors that no longer serve us. All we have to do is trust in his words. His words have not only given me strength, but wisdom to know the difference and have the courage to do the right things. 

I can tell you this, even when I did get validation from others, I always felt off! I never really felt like I was being true to myself. Because lets face it, when we go seeking validation from others, we’re also twisting our truth slightly to favor the person we are asking. Now, I always trust the words that touch my soul and let go of the things that feel dark and harmful or make me feel “OFF”. Try to keep in mind, not all good is good and not all evil is evil. There is a balance only we have the power to sense for our lives and if we keep searching for validation from others, we miss out on so much of our own journey.

Remember Validation is Not equal to Mentorships

A mentor is someone you trust, who has already accomplished the things you want to achieve. A mentor will always have your best interests at heart and has compassion for where you were, where you are, and where you want to go. Validation is “the act of declaring or affirming something is acceptable. or worthwhile”. No one in this world can confirm or deny your dreams or desires. Our passions start from a place inside of us, that begins with our experience, then drives us into actions which make us who we are at the very core of our soul. It’s called OUR CHARACTER! We have heard it said, “we are the main character of our own story”, and we get to tell what ever story we want. So, what’s your story?

Because if you look to others for validation, it won’t just be your story, they will make themselves the main character in your story!

Finding Perfection in your Imperfections

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by Maria Eduarda Loura Magalhu00e3es on Pexels.com

Are you feeling less then enough? Does your life suck and stay the same year, after year? Do you know why? Because of one simple common denominator…YOU! You don’t see your perfection in your imperfections! If you don’t get this, I promise you will be here next year looking up the same type of articles looking for solutions to all your problems. I get it, I’ve been right where you are and there are so many seasons that come back around to make me reflect and redefine myself. So, while you read on, please don’t for one second think that I am judging you or being opinionated. I am just very familiar with the cycle of playing the comparison game and zooming in on my imperfections.

We get so caught up in comparing ourselves to others that we never find our own perfection in our imperfections. Actually, you are perfect because of your imperfections! If you don’t listen and start DOING something different today, I guarantee next year you will be sitting in the same place trying to figure out why your life still sucks! If you are not happy with your job, your relationships, your health, your financial situation, your living arrangement, your shitty car, or anything in your life, listen up! Because today, you could change your life forever!

I know you don’t want to hear this, but the real reason your unhappy is simple…YOU! You don’t see anything good in your life, you complain about all the things you don’t have in your life, you don’t think YOU need to change or do anything, and you have literally convinced yourself that everyone else is the problem. Well, I hate to break it to ya’, but the truth is, YOU are the reason you’re not happy, and YOU and your thoughts are the reason you are so miserable! It is time to hold yourself accountable and own up to your part!

Getting in the right Mindset

You have a mindset that says “everyone else is the problem”, so you don’t even see your own flaws long enough to adjust your approach to life. You sit dwelling on all the things wrong in life and never see the good in anything. If you ever want a life that doesn’t suck, you need to do these 3 things…..

  1. You need clarity
  2. You need some new ideas
  3.  And you need to see things through an entirely different lens, starting TODAY!

When we “THINK” everyone else is the problem, or that everyone else has it better or easier than we do, we never look thought a lens that is clear. It is foggy and the reflection in the mirror is covered with ego. We don’t focus our attention on our own thoughts, our own emotions, or our own actions, and that is a real issue.

See what happens is, you focus all your energy on complaining about the people around you and yet, you don’t even realize that you are the one that is unhappy! There is something deep down under the surface that you are not facing, and other people are triggering these emotions in your subconscious mind with their words and actions. How can you sit and gossip or complain about anyone else when you can’t even sit with yourself long enough to determine the things that hurt you and why they hurt you?

Even the people who cut you off on the road, you get so upset at them, and yet, they could be rushing to the hospital because they just got a call that their kid is dying. And all they want to do is go save their kid or at least get to say goodbye. You don’t know what other people are going through and it’s not your job to worry about them. You are only responsible for your own life. You need to worry about yourself first and focus on all the good in your life. You need to dig deep into your life and figure out why you act and react the way you do on a daily basis, Until you start having some real appreciation for your own life, stop blaming other people for your problems. Because only YOU can make or break your life!

You are responsible for your life!

When you wake up in the morning, do you even smile when you realize you get another day? Do you kiss the guy or girl laying next to you? Do you go and say good morning to your kids, do you get up and make yourself and or your family a healthy breakfast? Like, where are your thoughts when you wake up first thing in the morning? And the same for your evening. What do you go to bed thinking about? What do you leave your family thinking about before they go to bed?

“Where your thoughts go your energy flows”

Your mind should be focused on you and your own life. Do those people have some hold on you that you feel the need to allow everyone else to have control over your thoughts, feelings and emotions? Do you mean to tell me that you don’t even appreciate your life enough to “Think on It”? That other people and their life is more important than you, your spouse, your kids, your job and your life? No! I don’t believe that for one minute!  

If all you can do is think about other people and how they have issues, or how they effect you, maybe it’s time to reflect on what’s going on under the surface, don’t you think? Maybe you complain because other people have what you don’t have and that is only because you are not willing to put in the work that they did. So, let me help you see through a new lens. You hate your own life but you don’t want to take the actions necessary to change it? WHY? What is under the surface that is holding you back from creating a better life yourself? Or maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit or enough thought. So, instead you waste your mind thinking about other people and their drama induced lifestyles? Yea, how’s that working for you? Again, you have to take back that energy that you give to everyone else, and give it to yourself. You are worth it!  

And here is another thing, you can’t help other people, if you can’t even help yourself! Listen, you can’t know better if you are not doing better! You don’t get to tell other people how they should live their life or complain about other people brining drama to you, if you’re allowing it! You are not doing anything different. So, when you can’t get right in your own life, you can’t give advice. If we are not being mindful of our own growth and our own mental state, we try to use any tactic to take the attention off of us. And that included, complaining about everything else around us. If you are not breathing, living, proof of the light, you can’t talk about the light! It makes you a dictator. And no one likes a dictator! You can’t lay down rules for someone else, that you don’t follow yourself. It’s just wrong on so many levels. And if you are a parent and you’re doing this, STOP IT NOW! Get right in your own life, then lead your children by “being the example”!

Look, the most inspirational individuals in life are those who express their true essence by admitting their flaws and encourage us to embrace ours. If you can’t own up to your own mistakes, you never learn from them, and you never acknowledge why you do them in the first place. And until you realize “WHY” you do these things, you can’t ever make peace with them, and you won’t ever move past them. If you ever want to experience a life of fulfillment, you need to make peace with yourself, (all your past events, mistakes and actions), accept yourself as you are now and when you fall short, and understand that “you CAN seek perfection in your imperfections”.

There is “perfection” in “im-perfection”

I became who I am TODAY, by accepting all my “imperfections” as things that make me “perfect” in who I want to be TOMORROW. So, I don’t focus on who I was or even who I currently am, but rather who I want to be. Of course, I had to reflect on my past to understand my thoughts and why I act and react the way I do. But once I broke through the surface, I was able to rise above it! Looking through a lens of weakness, gave me strength for an opportunity to make peace with my imperfections. I was able to move past my mess, and continue through life striving for a better version of myself. I am a better mother, a better daughter, and I am a better friend for it. NO I am not perfect by any means, but I strive ALWAYS for a better version of myself. I always want to be “BETTER NOT BITTER”!

Furthermore, because I am aware that my mess no longer “defines me”, I am very mindful that my mess continues to help me “find me”. If I never opened myself up to the possibilities of being an “imperfect person”, I wouldn’t know what my perfect self even looked like. There would be nothing to compare myself to accept other people. By not owning up to our mistakes in our own life, we limit ourself from learning how to become a better version of ourselves. And as a result, we stay stuck in trying to be like everyone else and never find our true essence.

Agin, I am not saying I am perfect! I am not saying to strive for perfection! Trust me, I know I am far from perfect, and we will kill ourselves striving for perfection. We all know there is no such thing as a “perfect person”. So, lose the stigma of perfection, but allow a little grace.

We must be aware that if we are working on all the things we don’t like about ourselves, we are always going to be working towards a better version of “me”! And when we strive for a better version of “me”, we don’t seek acceptance from outsiders, and we don’t need other people’s approval. We just need to be our authentic, happy, self, and as a result, we will attract the same kind of authentic happy people! Because at the end of the day, where your energy flows your energy goes! So, if your energy is happy, peaceful and loving, you will attract happy, peaceful, and loving people. If you are toxic, gossipy, and broken, you will attract toxic, gossipy, and broken people.

So how? How do we live happy about our life? How can we end the drama, stress, anxiety, worry and fear? How can we get our minds to focus on good things and stop being victims of all the messy things? How can we stop focusing our energy on outsiders and embrace our unique self?

6 tips to help you thrive and become your authentic, happy, self.

  1. Write it down. Write down everything you want, and everything you don’t want in your life. (Face the past, the mess, and crap you don’t talk about. Find out why you attracted those things in the first place and recognize them, so you don’t bring them into your future)
  2. Don’t do it alone. Find a mentorship you can trust and good people to walk with you into the next season of life. You must have people who you can go to just to vent, get advice from, and get clarity when you are clouded and can’t make rational decisions.
  3. Do things that help you get grounded. Do you enjoy gardening and nature? Being outdoors can help you stay grounded. (Beach, park, nature, earth, hiking, biking, and anything that keeps you in balance, moving, and focused)
  4. Seek your true essence. Do things that bring joy to yourself, “by yourself”. Do something you love, and something you can do alone (do something without distractions that YOU love and avoid influence from the outside world).
  5. Exercise and eat healthy foods. Your health and mental state are important. Clarity can only come when you are healthy mentally and physically. (Good food stimulates the brain function and helps maintain high energy).
  6. Build a firm foundation. Faith keeps us strong and moving forward with purpose so that we never fall too far behind when life gets difficult or messy.
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These tips may seem simple and silly, but they are helpful. If you want a better life you need to know what “better” means to YOU! By writing it down you will know what you want, and what you don’t want in and out of your life. You can’t determine the things you want or don’t want if you don’t sit and visualize the reality of what it was and what it is now. Just letting your mind wonder off on its own is not healthy, and it is not giving you clear space to identify what areas of your life you need to adjust. When you write it down you are forced to focus your mind and energy on a specific area, and that is when the magic happens. “Allow vision and creativity to manifest”, and a new life and purpose is established.

“You are perfect in your imperfections,

 But you must accept your imperfections,

To see your perfections!”

Christina Ditzel

So, to conclude this article, go through the list above and write it down. You must get a visual of what you want. If you don’t want your life to suck anymore, you must turn to things that don’t suck the life out of you. Instead turn to things that give life to you! Persevere in the things that light you up inside. Think on things that make your heart smile, that get you excited for tomorrow, and that brings a joy to every part of your being. Do things that make you feel happy, fortunate and blessed. Be around people who lift your spirit and elevate your soul. Work harder for the things that you want, and spend less time on the things that are distracting you and holding you back.

May you find the peace and love that lives in your soul, because when you do, your light will shine so bright it will begin to make changes that will make this world a better place to live.

“Have a Desire for life,

So that others may see what it means to have a LIFE”

Christina Ditzel

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, join my channel on YouTube, or just grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today. This is how you begin your journey into an abundant life. Living in abundance is a choice…

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