“They are either really buff and not that bright, or their really bright and have commitment issues”!

Let’s face it, the holidays get closer, and singleness sort of sucks! You want someone sitting by your side during holiday dinners or standing next to you at all those Christmas and New Year’s events. We each have an innate desire for a companion. Whether it be an intimate relationship or just a simple friendship. But no one truly enjoys being alone during the holidays.

Most single women want the kind of man who sees her for who she truly is. A sexy goddess who has internal and external desires, passions, and dreams. Someone who will build her up! Not that confident woman these days “Need” any man to confirm how amazing she truly is! Since she already puts herself on a 100ft pedestal!  But let’s be honest, deep down to the very core of our souls, women (and men) just want the kind of person that adds excitement and value to our life. You know that person that sees you from across the room and knows the perfect thing to say, just to save you from that family member with all the drama. Or the one that helps you avoid those awkward questions about how you are single for the umpteenth year!

But still, I find myself asking this question…”where are all the good men that are worthy enough to bring home for the holidays?” “Inquiring minds want to know”! Where is my “holidate”? Where are the men that have bodies and brains? Where are the men that don’t have commitment issues…? or “mommy issues” or any issues for that matter! Ugh. It feels like more and more men are embracing Christian Grey’s role of being “50 shades of fucked up!!”

Truth be told, it really is exhausting as a single, independent women who is looking for a date during the holidays. Or any days for that matter! When you’ve been single for any amount of time, you can expect questions about your singleness to head your way. As if those lonely holiday events weren’t dreadful enough…Here they come…. WAT FOR IT…

“Why are you still single?”

Are you dating anyone?”

Girl, when are you going to get out there and start dating again?”

 “Don’t you get lonely

“Don’t you get horny

Uh, like seriously! WTF

I can’t tell you how many single, independent women are sick of these questions! YES! We are obviously still single! And YES! We are always (secretly) looking around! And YES! We get lonely…sometimes! And YES! We go on more dates than we’d like to admit! But it is quite exhausting! And while everyone around you is expecting you to show up with a guy, just for the sake of not being the 3rd, 5th, or 9teenth wheel in the room, is even more daunting than going on all those time-wasting dates!Those of you who have been with someone for the last decade, let me just say that dating is not what it used to be. Work it out! Be happy with what you have and make the best of it. You picked him (or her) for some god-awful reason, and you really think you’re in a place to find something better? ha ha ha Think again my friend!!! Because people out here today…. umm not kidding…… I have one word for you…. CRAZY!

People in the dating scene today, are all kinds of mixed up! I don’t know if its the COVID JUICE, or what, but people have no clue what they want, and what they dont want. People in the dating scene are not themselves and don’t know how to act on a date! Dating is just exhausting! Honestly, after going on about 100+ dates, (could be exaggerating just a little…. maybe) I have acknowledged a consistency and pattern with the men I have gone out with lately. For instance, did you know most men actually have expectations for women to fulfill certain needs, wants, and desires? Oh YES! But the real kicker, is that they can’t even figure out what they actually want, need or desire. (Scratching my head and giggling) So basically the expectations they have for their dates, are irrelevant until they figure it out themselves! Insecure and naive women who date these men are bound to fail and will end up losing themselves to these narcissistic animals! If I may be blunt …(as if I  haven’t been already) I feel like most people today run-on greed. The thoughts, actions, and intentions some individuals have today are negative and selfish with underlining motives!  And trust me when I say, “they are never good”! This is because when men and women go on dates, they act so fake right out the gates! So many people today are insecure, and “codependent”! They don’t know how to be themselves around strangers without putting up a front. I just don’t understand it!

To define yourself through someone else’s eyes, only leads to confusion, and unhealthy relationships. What we want in life and what we want in a partner must be known. Furthermore, we must be a representation of what our expectations are. All single people should decide to spend enough time alone to get over their last relationship and also to discover who they truly are without anyone. Who are you before the person?  Are you true to yourself or do you see what is trending and follow all “the cool kids”? Funny how people say they know what they want, but they either follow the trend or expect their partner to “represent” for them. I just wish men would stop sexualizing women, and women would stop downplaying the role of our men! Seriously lady’s, are you wanting a husband or another child? Stop mothering and patronizing men! If Gen X is concerned about why their Generation Z children are in the LGBTQ+++ community, this is why! Uncertainty of thy self, due to pressure of fitting into someone (or everyone) else’s bubble! Or perhaps it’s just shitty parenting skills. Seriously, at this rate I’m going to die alone and single! And honestly, if these narcissistic, needy, “man children” are my only options? Well, at this rate, I’m better off!

I honestly don’t know where we lost respect and boundaries in our dating life, but somewhere along the way we’ve gotten lost. Dating used to be personal and private. It was exciting, flirty, honest, and mostly it was a process. Girls/Women respected themselves and men courted a woman. Adultery was not flaunted around, and most young children (10 and 11 years old) still played with dolls and toys. Not Sex TOYS and BOYS!! I honestly don’t think it is just America either. I do think we have completely downgraded our value and self-worth as men and as women across the globe. Therefore, we have downgraded our standards for our relationships. We don’t date with purpose anymore, we just date for the sake of not being alone and for pure intimate pleasure.

So, how do we find the perfect date for the holidays? Well, if dating in 2021 was like going to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and trying out every flavor but choosing the damn hard candy that only cost .02 cents! (WTF?). Let’s do better on our choices! Seriously? If you were going to choose the cheapest piece of candy, why did you even visit the factory? You could have just gone to the convenience store!! Stop wasting your time! Get clear on who you are, and who you want and don’t want in your life!

COME BACK FOR PART TWO….. FINDING MY HOLIDATE FOR 2022 –