Check out part one if you missed it!
For the rest of you, welcome back to part 2 of “Overcoming addiction”. Hopefully in part one, you learned a little about yourself and realized that mindset is everything. The words we use to label ourselves and others, has a huge impact on how we think, feel, and act daily. We can’t go around calling people addicts just because they drink too much, use drugs, or take advantage of other substance abuse, but the truth is, many of us are addicted to something, we just use different names for it. Until you realize it is just a really “bad habit” like, being on the phone too dam much, serial dating, hyper-sexuality, and anything else that becomes an OBSESSION. Basically, you should have realized that addiction is nothing more than an infatuation when we are preoccupied with an object or activity, that consumes our attention! You just have to change these habits to overcome the addiction to it! It really is that simple!
OKAY HOW? HOW DO WE CHANGE THESE HABITS?
So, I am going to give everyone 12 steps to overcoming addiction in a minute, but first let me get you on the right mindset. Because the truth is, if you continue on your path with an “addict” mentality, you will stay in the “addiction” or remain a “recovered addict” forever! As long as you stay in the past mentally you’re staying in that addiction physically! So, are you really ready for change? Are you ready to overcome this once and for all? Well, if you really are, you must first get a grip on your mindset! We have to change our thinking! We must think of our “habit” (not addiction) as something we love to do because for a moment it makes us feel a sense of satisfaction, love, passion, or whatever we FEEL we are missing in our everyday, ordinary life. Furthermore, we must realize the fact that we have a sense of lack somewhere, or we are trying to numb ourselves from some reality we don’t want to face. Well, your gonna’ have to “suck it up” and face it! Sorry! Unfortunately, until we face our pain, we will never understand what or where the pain is generating from. We have to figure out what your trying to numb. And while we are in this phase we need to work on US, without the opinions of the people in our life. Like let’s be real here, they have their own demons they have to face.
Listen, if we can focus our mindset and become more aware of the things “we” think about and be more concerned with our “own life”, we can easily break much of the bad habits (or addictions) we acquire throughout life. The only way to change our life, is to change ourselves. However, by continuing to use the word, “Addiction” and being in “recovery” and listening to the belief systems of other people, you ARE maintaining that state of mind, you keep doing and living the same life, and therefore you will never overcome it! You really have to focus on “you and your unique self” in order to understand where your pain generates and feed your pleasures by building a life that feels good to your inner being. Right now, you must seek the true essence that is YOU! Nothing can change because you’re not changing it! If you continue listening and doing the things the people around you do, you will always feel out of control, and you will live out of control! The same concept applies to the words, obsession, infatuation, compulsive, dependency, and whatever other habit words you use. To overcome it, you have to face it, and realize you’re allowed to just be….
(This is where you figure out who you really are. What you want to “be” when you grow up. What you like and don’t like. Who you like and who you really don’t like. You’re allowed to have an opinion and you are allowed to be yourself.)
TRANSFORMATION AND CLARITY
When people begin to realize their addictions are just compulsive dependency’s that began due to some “lack” in one area of life, or an “escape” to some trauma that happened to them, it becomes so easy to recognize why we began these habits in the first place. In fact, it becomes much easier to focus our mind on self growth, and move forward when we get clarity. Transformation and clarity of who we are suppose to be in life, becomes abundantly clear. We begin to change our thinking and our actions to reflect our purpose driven life! And this is where amazing things begin to happen!
As humans we want to be independent and we don’t want to be treated like a child. And, we definitely don’t want to be undermined by the people who we are around, that have their own challenges! No one is perfect, and everyone has something they are “addicted” to! Don’t undercut yourself no matter what side your standing on! The addicts family and friends have to make changes too! That is, if they want to be a part of your new life. Because truth is, everyone has issues and we can’t expect others to change if we are not willing to change. If you are a friend or family member of an addict, don’t become a dictator! Don’t tell someone they have to change, if you’re not willing to change. (Now I placed a label on the family, “Dictator” and I bet that made you feel uncomfortable)
I never did like the fact that everyone puts all this pressure on the “addict” while everyone else just sits around in their own addictions like eating disorders, sex, social media, mental and physical abuse, and whatever other things people do to compensate for their own stress induced life. It makes me crazy! I dislike labels very much and “addiction” is no exception!
Also, another thing you should acknowledge is, “things were not always okay” in the home of those with “addiction”. The family has to talk about the underlining cause whether you like it or not! If you really want to help EVERYONE, than everyone has to make changes. Stop leaving all the responsibility on the addict! Funny, how they are the one with the problem, yet some people go as far as pushing the blame on them for all their problems and stress. (Giggles), How does that work?
Look, I can give you a foundation with the steps I promised, but you have to be the one that takes the steps to get the results you want. And this is not just for the so called “addict”! As the family member/loved one, you have to participate if you want to be in their new life! So, if you really want to OVERCOME ADDICTION, First, lose the label all together! Call it a bad habit, because we all know “habits can be broken”! Then follow the “12 steps for the addict” or the “12 steps for family and friends of addicts” below…
12 steps for The Addict
- Own your part (take responsibility for your thoughts and actions)
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself (do something to better yourself)
- Stop talking about the past and use your mind to think of ideas that will move you into your future
- Forgive, Appreciate and Have gratitude (Let go & let GOD)
- Stop looking for other people (relationships), places, and things to make you happy. (Happiness comes from WITHIN)
- Get grounded (body, mind, soul)
- Get in your own way so you can get out of your own head, and into a new understanding
- Change your Perspectives (use thoughts, words, and actions to reflect those perspectives)
- Do what you say and say what you do (DON’T TALK ABOUT IT, BE ABOUT IT)
- Wake up with purpose (have a plan when you get out of bed)
- Go to sleep with thanks (appreciate the experiences of each day)
- Be excited about the journey! (Embrace the unknown, and be excited about the unexpected things that will happen each day)
Hello! Hold on a minute…..Don’t discount yourself if your family member or loved one of an Addict. You have 12 steps too in this transition! If you think people with bad habits need help, then maybe you should learn what habits you need to adjust.
12 steps for family & friends of addicts
- Live and be the example of the 12 steps above first before you judge!
- Own your part (take responsibility for how YOU affect those around you)
- No more Pity Party’s (stop feeling sorry for yourself and for them)
- Do something different (Think and talk about something different and you’ll get different results. Your thoughts, words, and actions affect them too)
- Be Better not Bitter (Stop expecting them to change, while you stay the same. BE THE CHANGE)
- Be happy (stop being miserable with your own life. Find new people, places and things in your own life that are happy and good for you and for them. Be the example of what happy looks like)
- Get grounded (Are you grounded? Again, what example are you giving and living out in your own life)
- Stepping stone vs. Roadblock (Stop enabling them! Are you a stepping stone moving them forward into NEW LIFE, or are you a road block holding them back into their OLD LIFE?)
- Are you Reliable (Can they depend on you to keep your word, or do you break your promises? What are you getting busy with and with whom?)
- Reminiscing (Stop talking about the past! Move forward with new thoughts, new feelings, and new actions)
- Lose the negative words like Guilt, shame, doubt, & fear (begin with using words like forgiveness, acceptance, grace, and love)
- Words hold power and actions are the influence of that power! (Do the words you use reflect the actions you take in your own life)
There are a million different people who I am sure have a million different versions of “The 12 Steps to recovery” and it doesn’t matter what form you take, as long as the steps you take are moving EVERYONE FORWARD into their purpose! We all have a purpose in life, and Addicts, or people with really bad habits are no exception. EVERYONE should be doing something different every day! Every single person should be doing something to move themselves forward in this beautiful thing we call life.
However, if you are around people who are just going through the motions, doing the same thing day in and day out, your no better than an addict yourself. What are you doing that is so special? Habits are just something that is hard to give up. It’s just an obsession or infatuation! It’s doing the same thing over and over again. It’s a pattern or a custom, a fixation or we can just call it a bad habit, or keep calling it an addiction. But we all have something we do continuously that we are obsessed with doing! So, why do we call addiction a disease? It’s just a habit, and habits can be broken! You just have to change the routine and depend on something healthier and better for your life moving forward. Take the steps above and begin to restore your true inner being by improving the way you think and act. And be mindful of those thoughts and actions everyday. It really is that simple. Yes, it’s hard, but its really simple! Just start!
If you desire more guidance in other areas of your life, please comment below, ask a question, speak your heart and help another. You can also join me across social media or just grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today. This just may be the help you’ve been looking for. Begin your journey into an abundant life by making better choices and taking action today!! Living in abundance is a choice…
If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, subscribe and don’t forget to join my podcast.
Blessings and love to you all!!
Thank you in advance for all your participation, support, and encouragement.
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