Where is My Holidate (Part 2)

December 20, 2021October 5, 2025CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

As I was saying, time is our most precious commodity in life. I say “commodity” because I’ve noticed how easily people give up their time. Our time can be bought or given away for free. Don’t waste it on people who devalue their own time, because they will waste your time in the process! When I finally took a moment to breath and be in the moment, my life changed drastically! I not only valued my time, but I respected my own values by not allowing “time wasters” into my life. I spent some time alone with myself figuring out who I was and wo I wanted to be, then some more time figuring out what kind of guy I wanted in my life, and the kind of guy I didn’t want in my life. And when I figured out the kind of life I wanted to live and the kind of person I wanted to be, I realized quickly the kind of guy I actually wanted in my life. I realized very early in the game that the kind of guy I wanted in my life, really wouldn’t like the person I was prior to me working on me. So, I spent the next 5 years becoming the kind of person, “my ideal partner” would not only like but love! Once I did that, I realized I would rather be single then settled. And I no longer wanted to waste my time with men (or people) who would hold no value in the life I wanted to live. See, when you get alone with yourself to actually figure out what the hell you want, you stop wasting time on the people and things that make you miserable! Try to remember this one very important rule: “When you’re miserable so are the people you hang around”

See, when we get a moment to gain clarity and perspective, our mind and motives, become abundantly clear. Suddenly we get this desire and passion for life, and in the process, we realize how precious our time truly is. Take it from me, when you’ve been single for a while, you never want to lose yourself to someone who doesn’t have the same vision, desire, or values for life, that you hold. Settling is not an option! This feeling is only something you can understand when you’ve spent enough time “alone and happy. That’s right, I said alone and happy! I can’t believe the amount of people in this world that struggle to be alone with themselves, but then they are confused why no one else wants to be alone with them. (smh) If you can’t be alone with you, don’t expect others to want to be alone with you!

Most single, independent women (and men) who have been single for any amount of time, have learned to embrace every season with purpose. One thing I’ve learned being single, is that I can go through struggles knowing I will regain new strength and meaning for each day! It is indescribable how resilient we become once we focus on the big picture. It is not something you can teach but must live to truly understand. Basically, if we can live life clinging to every season with grace and eagerness for more experiences and lessons, then we will live a life filled with experiences and lessons. Try to remember “We grow through what we go through”. We don’t want people in our life that add weight to our already heavy life. Rather, we want someone to come along for the ride with us who can handle the journey, building a life together! Most people who are 40 and up have already been with someone who drove them through hell and back at least once and they refuse to allow that happen again. I did say “most”. But some of you are a glutton for punishment because you never take the time to get over on before you get right on top of another!!! Yes, a little crude, but true. Com ‘on you know I am right! Quite frankly, many women over 40 are tired of cleaning up the damage you had with your ex. So, as the saying goes, “we would much rather be single than settled”.

Truth is that self-sufficient women don’t want someone who can’t handle the struggles of life. Life happens all the time and if a man can’t be strong and walk forward confidently in the struggles, why would she need him? She has been single this long and done just fine! Funny isn’t it, men say all they want is to feel needed, important, appreciated and loved, but most men don’t understand what those things mean to him. Let me also add Girls will not “Give sex for love” guys, that shit isn’t working anymore! We figured out; we love ourselves more and if we’re honest, they have toys that work magic for women today. Just saying!

Here is a prime example of what I am talking about…. I am scrolling through Facebook at 5am and this ad popped up. Obviously, another coaching ad! This female (we will call her Silly Sally) claimed to be offering help to all the “Independent single women who struggled to find a real man”. So, I decided to read into the comments, because there was no way I was clicking that link!

(Giggles) as I ask myself “who the hell told Facebook I was struggling to find a man? Why is this ad in my feed?” (scratching my head, rolling my eyes) “whatever….reading on…”

So, the creator continued to speak of how she was this “Single independent women” who moved and traveled for a year until she met this “great guy”! Then she proceeded to explain how she ended up with him and they moved in together after only 3 months! HELLO! WAIT! WHAT? WTF! Can someone say RED FLAG????!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY!! So quick to move in with each other! So, let me get this straight! This is a “Successful and Independent woman who is selling a program for women to “give up control” so she can be with a real man?” Umm…I’d love to be a fly on the wall at her house today! LOL Listen, real men don’t need you to give up control! Real men want powerful women and visa-versa! Powerful people need each other because they fuel one another. Bottom line! So don’t dumb down your character, tune in to your genius and recognize the red flags early on. Stop dating based on attraction, status, and sex!! There is no way sh learned enough about that guy in just 3 months. Shit like that drives me batty that women follow her and buy into her program because she is claiming to be a dating expert because she met some stranger at the peak of her career while traveling. And now they live together after three months so that makes her a expert? Are you freaking kidding me? That makes her an idiot!!!

Look, Men who find successful women intimidating are the ones will always fight and argue with her because they feel this need to “win”. Those are insecure, ego driven, ass holes with no real purpose in life. It’s very narcissistic. Let me fuel your soul with some wisdom right now…”If you are giving up control for any man, your weak and more codependent than independent! And you will never find your voice hiding behind anyone else’s ego”!

“Where are all the courageous men and all the strong women?”

So, if your single this holiday remember, independent women who want a partner, do NOT want to mother their partner! women, not all men are looking to take advantage of you for their own pleasure. Truth is, there are good and evil people in this world, and you must be one of the good ones to find the good ones, and then weed out the bad ones. I am a hopeless romantic, so I do believe in love. Especially during the holidays. I may not be the writer that believes in “love at first site” and Maybe I don’t agree with “moving in with someone too quickly”, But the magic I foresee goes beyond the basic romantic novels I read and write. I want happiness for myself, and I most certainly want happiness for my readers. But mostly, I want those individuals who feel lonely during the holiday season to find happiness inside themselves. I want more people to live in the moment, find contentment and happiness in their singleness, and discover a new life in the journey. Each person has a little crazy inside them. It’s okay to be strange and unusually. Embrace it, because that could be the very thing that attract your person. I admit it, I can be a little corky sometimes, my belief systems can seem a little “out of this world”, and my obsession with ORGANIC can be a little extreme. But I actually enjoy being single, so I embrace my weird, corky habits and hobbies. Maybe it’s the awkwardness of a first date or the “interview” like process that goes with the first date, that makes me avoid dating at all costs. (Giggles at self) Or it could just be that I want something that comes natural, easy, and leaves me craving more. After 7 years being single, I have never been on a date that has left me craving for a third date. I sadly admit they usually end by then! True story! Definitely a blog for another day.

Inquiring minds still want to know …… WHERE IS MY HOLIDATE?

I know! I Know! I am waiting patiently as well!! So, I guess until Mr. Holidate comes along, we will have to wait another year and see how or who the universe brings our way…

“WHERE’S MY HOLLIDATE”? (Part 1)

November 14, 2020October 5, 2025CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

“They are either really buff and not that bright, or their really bright and have commitment issues”!

Let’s face it, the holidays get closer, and singleness sort of sucks! You want someone sitting by your side during holiday dinners or standing next to you at all those Christmas and New Year’s events. We each have an innate desire for a companion. Whether it be an intimate relationship or just a simple friendship. But no one truly enjoys being alone during the holidays.

Most single women want the kind of man who sees her for who she truly is. A sexy goddess who has internal and external desires, passions, and dreams. Someone who will build her up! Not that confident woman these days “Need” any man to confirm how amazing she truly is! Since she already puts herself on a 100ft pedestal! But let’s be honest, deep down to the very core of our souls, women (and men) just want the kind of person that adds excitement and value to our life. You know that person that sees you from across the room and knows the perfect thing to say, just to save you from that family member with all the drama. Or the one that helps you avoid those awkward questions about how you are single for the umpteenth year!

But still, I find myself asking this question…”where are all the good men that are worthy enough to bring home for the holidays?” “Inquiring minds want to know”! Where is my “holidate”? Where are the men that have bodies and brains? Where are the men that don’t have commitment issues…? or “mommy issues” or any issues for that matter! Ugh. It feels like more and more men are embracing Christian Grey’s role of being “50 shades of fucked up!!”

Truth be told, it really is exhausting as a single, independent women who is looking for a date during the holidays. Or any days for that matter! When you’ve been single for any amount of time, you can expect questions about your singleness to head your way. As if those lonely holiday events weren’t dreadful enough…Here they come…. WAT FOR IT…

“Why are you still single?”

Are you dating anyone?”

Girl, when are you going to get out there and start dating again?”

“Don’t you get lonely

“Don’t you get horny

Uh, like seriously! WTF

I can’t tell you how many single, independent women are sick of these questions! YES! We are obviously still single! And YES! We are always (secretly) looking around! And YES! We get lonely…sometimes! And YES! We go on more dates than we’d like to admit! But it is quite exhausting! And while everyone around you is expecting you to show up with a guy, just for the sake of not being the 3rd, 5th, or 9teenth wheel in the room, is even more daunting than going on all those time-wasting dates!Those of you who have been with someone for the last decade, let me just say that dating is not what it used to be. Work it out! Be happy with what you have and make the best of it. You picked him (or her) for some god-awful reason, and you really think you’re in a place to find something better? ha ha ha Think again my friend!!! Because people out here today…. umm not kidding…… I have one word for you…. CRAZY!

People in the dating scene today, are all kinds of mixed up! I don’t know if its the COVID JUICE, or what, but people have no clue what they want, and what they dont want. People in the dating scene are not themselves and don’t know how to act on a date! Dating is just exhausting! Honestly, after going on about 100+ dates, (could be exaggerating just a little…. maybe) I have acknowledged a consistency and pattern with the men I have gone out with lately. For instance, did you know most men actually have expectations for women to fulfill certain needs, wants, and desires? Oh YES! But the real kicker, is that they can’t even figure out what they actually want, need or desire. (Scratching my head and giggling) So basically the expectations they have for their dates, are irrelevant until they figure it out themselves! Insecure and naive women who date these men are bound to fail and will end up losing themselves to these narcissistic animals! If I may be blunt …(as if I haven’t been already) I feel like most people today run-on greed. The thoughts, actions, and intentions some individuals have today are negative and selfish with underlining motives! And trust me when I say, “they are never good”! This is because when men and women go on dates, they act so fake right out the gates! So many people today are insecure, and “codependent”! They don’t know how to be themselves around strangers without putting up a front. I just don’t understand it!

To define yourself through someone else’s eyes, only leads to confusion, and unhealthy relationships. What we want in life and what we want in a partner must be known. Furthermore, we must be a representation of what our expectations are. All single people should decide to spend enough time alone to get over their last relationship and also to discover who they truly are without anyone. Who are you before the person? Are you true to yourself or do you see what is trending and follow all “the cool kids”? Funny how people say they know what they want, but they either follow the trend or expect their partner to “represent” for them. I just wish men would stop sexualizing women, and women would stop downplaying the role of our men! Seriously lady’s, are you wanting a husband or another child? Stop mothering and patronizing men! If Gen X is concerned about why their Generation Z children are in the LGBTQ+++ community, this is why! Uncertainty of thy self, due to pressure of fitting into someone (or everyone) else’s bubble! Or perhaps it’s just shitty parenting skills. Seriously, at this rate I’m going to die alone and single! And honestly, if these narcissistic, needy, “man children” are my only options? Well, at this rate, I’m better off!

I honestly don’t know where we lost respect and boundaries in our dating life, but somewhere along the way we’ve gotten lost. Dating used to be personal and private. It was exciting, flirty, honest, and mostly it was a process. Girls/Women respected themselves and men courted a woman. Adultery was not flaunted around, and most young children (10 and 11 years old) still played with dolls and toys. Not Sex TOYS and BOYS!! I honestly don’t think it is just America either. I do think we have completely downgraded our value and self-worth as men and as women across the globe. Therefore, we have downgraded our standards for our relationships. We don’t date with purpose anymore, we just date for the sake of not being alone and for pure intimate pleasure.

So, how do we find the perfect date for the holidays? Well, if dating in 2021 was like going to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and trying out every flavor but choosing the damn hard candy that only cost .02 cents! (WTF?). Let’s do better on our choices! Seriously? If you were going to choose the cheapest piece of candy, why did you even visit the factory? You could have just gone to the convenience store!! Stop wasting your time! Get clear on who you are, and who you want and don’t want in your life!

COME BACK FOR PART TWO….. FINDING MY HOLIDATE FOR 2022 –

How to Live a Happier More Successful Life

July 28, 2019October 5, 2025CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

“There is no Thing that can make you happy
and
There is no Person that can make you complete”
Christina Ditzel

Mindfulness and Clarity is essential to success and happiness. The issue is not the circumstance you’re in, but the self-awareness you have daily, and the mindset you have, about your circumstances. We as humans struggle to really understand what happiness even is, because we are unaware of our spiritual self. We think happiness is gaining more success and we think success is gaining more material things. Like finding better relationships, a better job, a nicer house, cars, etc. But the truth is, people, places, or things will never make you happy. If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know I say this often! “You can’t find happiness in people, places or things”! If you keep your focus on things in the “physical world”, you will always be seeking for physical satisfaction. I don’t mean to disappoint my readers, but there is no happiness in such entities. True happiness comes from within, and success is a mindset full of clarity! Noting is achievable without the believe system that is can be done! We need to ponder on our awareness in order to bring joy to our heart and soul. If you believe something to the very core of your soul, then you will do what it takes to achieve that goal! Truth is, you just have to go get it!

Since we were young, we’ve been told, “go to school, get good grades, go to college, get married and then have kids and grand-kids”. Well, is that it? Is that our whole purpose in life? I can’t believe that is the reason for this life! Some want to travel the world, others want more money, a better car, a bigger house, the best job, the smartest kids, etc. I can’t believe that is it! I just can’t believe that we work and toil until we face death! To me that is life without purpose. It is a spirit that lives in the flesh, walking dead on earth. That is not who I am!

In today’s world, media has taken over, and always has something new to catch our attention! So, it is inevitable that we chase for the next best “thing”, rather than a joyful and happy “self”, or inner happiness. We always seek outward pleasures to make us happy. Until we realize they don’t! Eventually, it leaves us in a depressed state and always on the hunt, not knowing what success or happiness even means. But what if we became more aware of what we allow media to feed into us? What if we became more aware of our self as a spirit walking this world to experience it? But what if we decided to “Instead of allowing the world to experience us, we walked knowing it was an experience for us”? What if we took what we learned and utilized it to help others find their own way and helping them to stop following in the foot steps of everyone else who came before us? That is why I write these articles on clarity! Because I’ve learned the power of clarity and I just want to offer a sort of, guide, so everyone who comes here can learn, grow, and share their own way. And maybe together we can live happier, healthier, more successful lives together in a community that knows we’re are “better together”!

I have become so focused on “getting more” and “being more”, and I realized living like that, we lose the true desire of our own hearts. and we never take the time to see the light that shines the path to true happiness and true sucess. In some cases, we can get so greedy that we live our lives dimming everyone’s light afraid they might dim ours. Or we live as if we need to be better than the next person, graduate at the top of our class, and compete with everyone for the top positions and end up alone, without any options. we end up living in fight or flight mode in every area of our life and that is never a good place to be. Why are we in constant competition with one another, instead of being in unity with others? Has it become a new belief system, that division will bring us happiness?

We have been programmed to think this way since the day our ancestors were born. We’ve been raised to be competitive with everything we think, say, and do Since Covid and 2020 politicians have divided us. Even the church and the bible divide us. We compete with our friends, family, and acquaintances, rather than rejoicing and loving them. How can that kind of living ever feel good? How can living in competition with the people and things we are supposed to love, ever really feel good? Well, it doesn’t! And if we continue with this trend, we will never find true happiness in our lives. We must stop living not feeling good enough and trying to be better than everyone else. But how do we do that?

How do we get clarity for a happy and successful life?

First, tangibles are not the answer! So, just get that out of your head so you can stop searching for the “next best thing” now. There is no THING that will make you happy! And there is no person that will make you complete. Second, this journey we are on is short lived, so we must make the most of it and enjoy it while it lasts. If you’re one of the lucky ones, by the end of your road, you will be so happy within, and aware of the core nature of your spirit, that you will not think about this material world as a place to “Gain a life”, but you will begin to experience this world as a beautiful soul that is here “Exploring this life”. You must first focus on yourself, your passions, and the thing that starts a fire in your soul! What are you passionate about?

We should strive to live a life that “gives and receives love” and the only way to do that is to live in a sense if feeling love and lived. A life that offers pure joy in just being your true essence. We should never try to strive for everyone else’s dreams or hate others for their success, but we should strive for a mind and spirit of our own dreams! Living in this beautiful place, and being able to explore wherever, and whatever we desire, should be exciting! We should never feel limited or lack in any area of life. That is not the point of this journey. I really believe that! When you realize material things won’t ever make you happy, and you accept that you are not promised tomorrow, you begin to live life like it is your last day, every day. And you appreciate all the things, good and bad that come your way. Because good or bad, you are moving forward through more experiences of this life.

When you live life happy within, you’re able to do the things you love without stress. You get to spend time with the people who make you the happiest, without drama. When you allow yourself to enjoy life, you want to help those you pass along the way. You want everyone to enjoy their journey because you are enjoying the journey. You live in worry because you don’t allow yourself to get to know your inner being and purpose here, and you don’t enjoy the journey your on. Instead you follow the worlds advice and ideas and you stay in a mental state that says “your different and you don’t belong”. But the truth is, you are different and that is why you do belong!!! Embrace yourself with out the fear of what others think about you. The things that make you different are the things that make you special! When your spirit shines its light, you will sour like an eagle in the sky, and those that that have a spirit to look up and see you with acceptance. And those are the ones you will call your tribe. Those are the ones you need to zoom in on.

If you really feel like your world is upside down, start over! Start with getting peace in your own heart. That means thinking of “ALL things as good”. You can’t have happiness if your mind is in a frantic state all the time. Recognize the things that come into your life to help move you forward. You might not like it all the time but if it is going to move you forward, just take the leap and do it! If you ever want to find true happiness, you must get clarity of your current situation, and see life through a totally different lens.

I can offer you my book, “Hot mess to totally blessed”, I talk a lot about getting “clarity” by cleaning out your physical world, and your psychological world. I can give you exercise after exercise, and advice after advice, but at the end of the day if you don’t do anything, my book won’t help. In fact nothing and no one can help you. Listen, I lost my relationships, my kids, my car, my job, and everything in my physical world. I had to start my life over at 38 years old with NOTHING. Trust me it sucked. But I did it! I made a decision to do something and I did it! And so can you! You are worth it! In my book I have exercises that can help you gain clarity in your situation, and each chapter gradually goes deeper for your self-growth. Some of the things I talk about are:

Clearing out some of the junk that is cluttering your focus
Eliminate people and places that are holding you back.
How to reduce stress levels
Slowing down your physical world
Being a better parent
Embracing and facing our mess head on
Dating yourself
And so much more!

Listen, the actions you take TODAY, determine your circumstances for tomorrow. To love yourself enough to live a happier lifestyle means “getting rid of anything toxic in life” and getting the knowledge, wisdom and guidance you need to move you forward into your abundant life. I call this “Living Organically”. Organic is not just expensive food, trust me! It is a life without anything toxic, bad or harmful. Yes, the food you eat is important for your body which you need energy and stimulate the brain with mindfulness. So, the food you eat matters. Yes! But it is also the job and environments you are surrounded with, the relationships you encounter, the information you allow into your brain, and so much more.

So, I wrote the book to help others find their own abundance and I can only suggest the book but if you don’t do the things in it to transform your life, nothing will change in your life. I can also ask that you stay engaged with me and this new community that I am building, but at the end of the day, you need to be the one to take the action. I don’t want to leave you empty handed today, so I will leave you a simple project below to get you started with the actions you can take right now to find YOUR HAPPY AND ABUNDANT LIFE tomorrow.

In the meantime, don’t worry about other people, don’t worry about the places you have to go or don’t want to go to, and don’t worry about the things you don’t have. Know deep down to your core that “YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED” right now. YOU are everything you need. Listen, if you don’t get right in your head and in your own spirit, you won’t be giving yourself a fighting chance at a happy and abundant life. You must know what happiness is “TO YOU” and not what it means to everyone else. In order to receive happiness for yourself, you have to acknowledge it for yourself, or the worry, stress, addictions, and struggles will never go away. If you don’t DO YOU, you will always feel and be in lack. Please get this! You are important and you matter. Living in abundance is a choice, but you must take the actions necessary to get you there.

Here is the project:

If you get anything out of this article, I hope you get clarity of YOUR “1%”. Because that is the only portion you need to be focused on. Zoom out, see the entire world that surrounds you right now, from a 30k foot view. But remember to zoom back in and focus only on the 1% that holds value to YOU! The rest doesn’t matter because it belongs to someone else’s 1%. Join a community that will journey through life with you (not against you) and explore your true essence and self-worth. Ask yourself these questions now.

Shine your light!

Much love Author Christina Ditzel xo

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, join my channel on YouTube, or just grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today. This is how you begin your journey into transformation and living an abundant life. Living in abundance is a choice, but you must take the actions necessary to get you there.

Stay connected and follow the Author

Thank you in advance for all your participation, support, and encouragement.