Tag healing

YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO THAT!

CHRISTINA DITZEL 2 Comments

Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

You Can’t Recover Unless You Know What You’re Recovering From.

Why do so many of us agree to be locked up for a year of recovery? And why is it that so many of us relapse afterwards? And how many of us have to keep losing loved ones because rehab isn’t working? Not everyone has to agree with me or my logic, on recovery, but it may be helpful to listen to what I have to say about it. I have overcome heroin, opioids, pills, GHB and Cocaine addiction Afterall! Consider being open to what it is I am saying about recovery, because I have not just overcome addiction. I live an organic, healthy, happy, and clean lifestyle after recovery. I have discovered the key to unlock the door to “letting go of bad habits”! Do you know how? Well, not by getting locked up in rehab for a year or going to meetings every week for the rest of my life, and I am definitely not on medications that make me feel foggy, that is for sure! NO!!!

I uncovered the reasoning behind my addiction! Just because I have a completely different belief system, that may or may not contradict some of the things that they teach or do in their facilities, does not necessarily mean I am “wrong”! I am eager to share my method, because I want them to look at recovery completely different. There can be a new approach in how we treat some people in recovery it doesn’t mean they have gotten it wrong all these years, just because I am bringing a different approach to the community. Not at all! But it does mean that maybe we need to realize there is no “one size fits all” where “recovery” is concerned! In fact, when professionals close the door and stop listening to people who have overcome addiction without medications, it is not only ignorant, but also the reason so many people relapse. When these facilities are closed minded and don’t listen, it causes people to overdose after they have left rehab and relapsed. Let me start off by saying, in recovery and in life, there is no “ONE SIZE FITS ALL!” And I am tired of watching a system fail year after year, because books a degree overrides a person with actual experience!

I never went to rehab, and I found their system flawed, I remember cleaning one summer at a rehab center and I could always tell which ones would make out alive, which ones would be back, and which ones wouldn’t make it past the program doors. First, I found a few things to be odd in the program. One was that in the first phase of the program they keep you from family and friends and they expect you to disassociate your past life with your now present life, which is being locked up and isolated from everyone you love and care about. Basically, this is to help you focus on yourself and loss your old life so you can start a new one. And I get all that! Changing of the surroundings to have a renewing of the mind. Yes, I get it! It’s biblical and it appears to be common sense. But the reason this doesn’t work is because after a year, they throw you back into the jungle without any real tools, boundaries, or knowledge on how to avoid returning back to old habits. They assume you’ve rehabilitated based on the new atmosphere and routines they gave you. While you were locked up and needed permission to do everything!

But how does that work? The bottom line is you haven’t recovered because you haven’t answered the one question of what you’re recovering from! Sit and ask yourself, WHY do you do the things you do in the first place? There is so many other factors to focus on rather than the substance itself. Which by the way, has just become a “bad habit”. Children pick up habits for different reasons. For comfort when they’re parents don’t show validation or show them love. (Keep in mind we all have a different love language). Some people have had childhood trauma or complex trauma, which turned into codependency or even narcissism. And we all know codependency is used all the time in recovery, As is Bipolar and other labels, we use to describe a person with substance abuse issues. See, things that we experience from childhood into adulthood has major impact on a person’s reality. The things that have happened to an individual in the past matters and when they have not been addressed properly, they find soothing mechanisms that are detrimental. These come in different forms. We can call it addictions, obsessions, compulsive behaviors, escape, or any other word that describes temporary pleasure with a negative result.

What Lenz Are You Looking Through??

So, when we don’t take the space and time to fully understand what we’re recovering from, we don’t have the clarity to see ourselves through our own Lenz, and we can’t fully recover because it is unclear what we are recovering from. Putting a band-aid on a femur bleed will kill a patient, it will never help them fully use that extremity to its full potential. We have to stop putting band-aids on our pain to solve trauma that is happening beneath the surface. I can tell you this, your addiction does not come from the substances you’ve chosen to use or the things you have made a habit in doing. As long as you keep focusing on “recovering from the substance” you’re avoiding the actual cause and reasoning of why you picked up this “habit” in the first place. So, remember when I said most rehabs won’t like what I have to say? Well, that’s because I don’t believe in labeling “addiction or recovery”. In fact, I hate labels period! Furthermore, I never understood why they medicate people who are supposedly addicted to substances. They don’t push meds on those addicted to gambling, electronics, video games, social media, sex, serial dating, money, or other “bad habits” that can be considered “addictions”.

 Truth is your addiction is just a bad habit, and when you go back to your old environment that habit along with all the people who joined you, blamed you, hated you, and pushed you to the edge, will be right there waiting for you. When will rehab centers realize all the people and things, they prevent you from seeing in the first phase of rehab, are right there when you get out? Ask yourself these 12 questions if you are looking into rehab or considering going back to rehab for a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time.

  1. What happens when you leave?
  2. Have you built enough boundaries?
  3. Did you build the confidence in yourself that you will need?
  4. Are you still codependent?
  5. Do you have narcissistic thoughts, behaviors and patterns?
  6. When you leave how will you feel as an induvial soul?
  7. Have you recovered from the pain that caused your addiction?
  8. How will you react when faced with that pain or other adversities in life?
  9. Are you different now and are you really prepared to go back to your old life as someone different?
  10. Do you have plans to live in different environment with likeminded individuals?
  11. How do you change a bad habit when the habit is your own actions?
  12. Did you learn how you will cope with curtain people, or circumstances that you’re going to face when you get out?

All questions relevant to the person in recovery because that is rehabilitating after all right? To “restore (someone) to health or normal life by training and therapy after imprisonment, addiction, or illness”

You have to be transformed and confident in who you have become, because you carry yourself around with you everywhere you go. Including into your future outside of rehab centers and AA/ NA/ or any kind of “A” Meetings. In rehab the key is to rehabilitate and become someone different, but how can you become someone different when you’re not given the opportunity to find or define your own true essence. People tell us how we should think, feel and live, but they have never actually walked in our shoes. So who are they to say what will work or not work? After you’ve been locked up for a year, doing what they tell you, under their “controlled environment” your expected to be rehabilitated and be able to cope with life after you leave. Real life is not controlled or predictable. Real life happens! Yes, we can choose the to live a happy, healthy, life, but if we have never experienced a happy, healthy life, what are we comparing it to? The rehab centers interpretation?

Truth is that most people going through rehabilitation have mixed emotions when leaving the center on their last day. What are they leaving and what life are they going into? Some are scared on their last day to go “home” while others are excited, and some believe they have all the skills they need to survive real life. Until reality hits them across the head once again! They’re dating relationship fails, a door shuts in their face on a job they’ve been wanting, death, trauma, financial struggles, parenting or coparenting, all the things that cause hardship. The adversities of life that send people in fight or flight, cause people in “recovery” to relapse! Being in recovery does not necessarily mean you’ve changed. When you plan to go to meetings every week and collect your yearly coin and keep a label around you that says you are a “recovering addict”, you remain in recovery. That means you’re not rehabilitated. You will always live victim to your bad habit, and nothing changes. You will continue to fight the battle to stay clean by going to meetings which continue to remind you of your addictions, your illness, and your inability to live a normal happy life. And that my friend, keeps you in recovery for years! And you will always be in recovery with that mentality. But if you can change your mindset, your awareness, and your environment completely, and then turn your addiction into a bad habit instead, you can overcome it and you begin to heal almost immediately!

To me addiction is just a bad habit and if you can learn to have a habit you can unlearn that habit as well. The question should be how did the habit start? Where did we learn the habit? And WHY did we turn to this particular habit? If we don’t know WHY we’re doing something we can’t learn how to stop it or prevent it from happening again.

I Recovered from My Addictions, Because I Knew What I Was Recovering From! 

Most people relapse because they are too focused on quitting the “addiction/bad habit” instead of realizing they have not actually addressed the thing that is causing them to have the “addiction/bad habit” in the first place.  

Most rehab centers are not open to hear my philosophy on recovery because it goes outside the scholarly books. But I believe that every person has a different experience during recovery. I don’t believe there is a “One size fits all” in treatment. In fact, I don’t think there is a “one size fits all’ in anyone’s individual journey. Why we treat different people, with different experiences, different health issues, different cultures, and different addictions, the same way, I will never understand! That did not work for me, and I know it’s not working for others, because I’ve lost so many loved ones to their so called ‘addictions”. (Can we just call them Bad habits that cause unhealthy lifestyles)?

Our Addictions Are Bad Habits Picked UP From Our Past Experiences

The adversities that I’ve overcome, only happened when I listened to my own inner voice. I call this my innate being! My soul or “God inside me”. Only you know your life journey. You know the struggles, passions and adversity you’ve had to face. And you know the struggles and actions that you will have to make moving forward. The adversity in our life is what keeps us in our bad habits! Not the bad habit itself. 

Do you even know what you’re recovering from? 

Five things you need to do if you ever want to really recover from any addictions ..

1. Understand why you do what you do

2. Become someone completely different 

3. Change your mindset and be around new likeminded people (not people still recovering)

4. Stop talking about the things your addicted to as if it still controls you.

5. Realize you have a bad habit and you can Break your bad habit. 

Most people stay in recovery forever because they keep rewarding the addiction. I never understood the coin that symbolizes a time lapse not using. Get it…”time lapse – relapse” Stop and think about that for a second 

You break your addictions when you realize it’s just a bad habit that you picked up at a certain time in your life. And When you go back and learn WHY you started in the first place; you can begin to understand HOW you can overcome. Without the worry of relapsing or staying in recovery because you took some of that time and space to understand your own thoughts, emotions, and your reactions to those thoughts and emotions.  

I know this is not the traditional way of treating addictions, but this is how I did it. And like I say so often, there is no one size fits all in our human existence. 

If you have relapsed, know someone who has relapsed, or interested in learning my method of recovery, let’s talk. I may be able to help you. 

contact me now

Dating After Divorce

CHRISTINA DITZEL 3 Comments

Photo by Joel Overbeck

Ugh, the dreadful, emotional, roller coaster ride that comes with dating! After spending years with someone you feel, “didn’t understand you at all”! Here you are again looking for that electricity you have been missing out on all these years. And let’s face it, the dating scene after a bad breakup is exhausting, exciting, intimidating, and quite frankly, it is freaking horrifying! Like, we do NOT want to make the same mistake again! Right? So, how can we jump back into the dating scene with full confidence we are going to find that quality person we so desperately desire? And furthermore, how do we avoid all the drama we don’t want? Well, I am about to tell you! Now, before I tell you the “how to” in finding that superior person that is going to value you and know your worth, let me help you see things through a different kind of lens first….

So, here is where I get a little honest with you, hold you accountable, and tell you things you really don’t want to hear! Are you ready? You must realize one particularly important thing before we move into the fun stuff. All those ‘unpleasant’ relationships you found yourself in, well, “YOU PICKED THEM”! Oh yea! I went there! You must realize that you had a part to play in all your messy relationships and all the mistakes that went with them. You must stop blaming the other person for all those reasons you were unhappy and face the fact that you picked her/him! Here is the thing, if you do not value yourself enough to recognize the red flags and acknowledge them before you commit, well the only person to blame for your unhappiness…. Is you! You were the one who agreed to settle in that relationship and accept all those red flags that were so obviously present beforehand. Ask yourself this question, “How much do I value my own worth and my own virtues?” Well if you answered “considerably”, well thats great. You’re a step ahead of most. Now, if you just honestly answered “I have no clue”! Well, maybe before you start dating you should work on spending some time finding value in yourself. Seriously, who will want to spend time alone with you if you don’t like spending time alone with you? Your next “person” will not value you any more than you value yourself. So, “how much do you really value yourself?”

After spending the last 5 ½ years with myself, I have learned to eliminate all of the things I just do not like about myself (i.e., all the unconstructive, destructive things I think, say, and do). And I have learned to focus more on all the things I absolutely love about myself (i.e., all the productive, kind, and beneficial things I think, say, and do). Obviously, we must avoid the former qualities that are harmful and toxic for future relationships. But how? Well, for starters, recognizing the behaviors, ahead of time, that come with those toxic people, is paramount to your success in your next relationship. With that said, I think it is crucial for every person who is getting out of a long-term relationship to spend time focused on their individual relationship goals. That’s right! “Relationship Goals”. It is common for people to adapt to lifestyles, characteristics, hobbies, and/or habits, that go against all their virtues. People adjust to lifestyles they would otherwise not live had they not met there ex. People make adjustments when their in relationships and often develop certain characteristics, or personally traits that develops over time. I sincerely believe that if you do not want negative, toxic people in your life you must eliminate them before you get into another relationship. If you want to experience a fresh start in your next relationship and you want to be healthy and happy, you cannot bring your negative toxic past with you into your future. After all, how can you really be positive when you have the damage of your past relationship still lingering in your head and heart? Lose that mentality now!!! It’s a total mindset shift! I promise if you don’t do this, you will certainly be miserable in your next relationship.

Next, you must cast away all the fears and insecurities that come with reconnecting with new people. Look I know its scary to get back out there. After so much time has past and you are so used to being comfortable with one person and one lifestyle. But you have a choice here. Remain in the old way of dating and find the same thing again (‘insanity’), or find a new way and take a chance to find someone amazing! Remain mindful during your dates. Do not make the mistake of misreading the person because of your own insecurities. Recognize the red flags! Acknowledge that you are entering a toxic situation before you invest too much time. Don’t catch feelings before you find the things that hold value to you. When you recognize the red flags ahead of time, you avoid a lot of headaches later. This is a huge piece of advice that will benefit you in every relationship! Professionally, personally, and romantically.  

When you find the courage to be mindful and recognize the signs, and you become confident in asking all the right questions, without fear of judgment, you will develop a deeper understanding of your date. You will find yourself eliminating what you don’t want and finding all the qualities you do want in a relationship. AND….This is where all the fun starts!

Okay, you do have to watch how you ask questions, and there is a system to this. I go a little more into detail on this in Chapter 6 of my book “Hot Mess to Totally Blessed” which you can get here.

Have Fun!

Look, dating is supposed to be fun! You are going to have good and bad dates. Lets be real! There are some really shady single people out there, and there are some really super amazing single people out there. If you want amazing, you have to be amazing. If you pay attention and your mindful of your own expectations, I believe you will succeed in finding a healthy, happy, amazing, and successful relationship. Dating is a time to sit with someone, get to know them, and interview them, as a way to learn as much information as you can. If you are anything like me, time is precious! So you don’t want to invest too much time talking about things that hold no value in your life or in your future. Meaningless conversations get us no where! I know you have heard this about a trillion times, but try to stay clear of those who spend too much time talking about their past relationships. It’s toxic and it is not moving either of you forward. When you are dating new people, you should both be ready to start new! That means losing all things past. Why are you looking back there anyway? Its over! Get over it and move on! I do not like wasting time and therefore I gather as much information as I can, as fast as I can. The early stages of getting to know one another should help you get a feel for their character, their values, and their intentions. What are their dating goals? What are your dating goals? Get this out there quick and be as specific as possible! if you don’t have dating goals, you better get some honey! Because your going to be headed for disaster if you don’t!

Also, make your date feel comfortable. I don’t care if its a good or bad date, both party’s must feel comfortable. Again, this is suppose to be fun. Your not making a commitment. That’s why its call “dating”! Dah! So, tell a little about yourself and ask a little about them. The flow of conversation should always be moving you both forward, wanting to learn more about each other, and most important learning something new about yourself. Obviously, there is a system to this and this doesn’t always come easy for everyone. Especially if you’re an introvert. You really have to be self-aware. You cannot just send a text when they’re sitting next to you. And you can’t write down a bunch of questions on a sheet a paper and say, “hey can you answer these questions?” Like Seriously? Let’s be real!

I know things have changed in the “millennial days”, but somethings must remain. “Connection between two people”. I mean that is the goal here right? Your date is not going to fill out a survey for you! So get over it and embrace the world of physical, mental, and emotional connections. I hate to break it to you, but if you want to meet someone real, you eventually have to let your guard down and meet them face to face! People who are genuinely looking to start a new relationship, are not wasting too much time texting. They are talking on the phone and they are having real connections.

Now go off, meet new people, get yourself out there and find your person! You have a baseline of what you want in a relationship and you have the ability to weed out all the relationships that will hold no value in your life what-so-ever! If your looking for more ways to self awareness or dating advice you can grab my book today for only $14.99 here.

For now, have fun! Be confident and date with purpose! Dating after divorce can feel daunting in the beginning, but after a little practice, you will become more and more comfortable and confident. Confident in yourself and confident in your choices of dates! Always be yourself, know what you want, and remember, its not whats at the top of the mountain its the journey that takes you there.

HOW TO OVERCOME ADDICTION (Part 2)

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by Ike louie Natividad on Pexels.com

Check out part one if you missed it!

For the rest of you, welcome back to part 2 of “Overcoming addiction”. Hopefully in part one, you learned a little about yourself and realized that mindset is everything. The words we use to label ourselves and others, has a huge impact on how we think, feel, and act daily. We can’t go around calling people addicts just because they drink too much, use drugs, or take advantage of other substance abuse, but the truth is, many of us are addicted to something, we just use different names for it. Until you realize it is just a really “bad habit” like, being on the phone too dam much, serial dating, hyper-sexuality, and anything else that becomes an OBSESSION. Basically, you should have realized that addiction is nothing more than an infatuation when we are preoccupied with an object or activity, that consumes our attention! You just have to change these habits to overcome the addiction to it!  It really is that simple!

OKAY HOW? HOW DO WE CHANGE THESE HABITS?

So, I am going to give everyone 12 steps to overcoming addiction in a minute, but first let me get you on the right mindset. Because the truth is, if you continue on your path with an “addict” mentality, you will stay in the “addiction” or remain a “recovered addict” forever! As long as you stay in the past mentally you’re staying in that addiction physically! So, are you really ready for change? Are you ready to overcome this once and for all? Well, if you really are, you must first get a grip on your mindset! We have to change our thinking! We must think of our “habit” (not addiction) as something we love to do because for a moment it makes us feel a sense of satisfaction, love, passion, or whatever we FEEL we are missing in our everyday, ordinary life. Furthermore, we must realize the fact that we have a sense of lack somewhere, or we are trying to numb ourselves from some reality we don’t want to face. Well, your gonna’ have to “suck it up” and face it! Sorry! Unfortunately, until we face our pain, we will never understand what or where the pain is generating from. We have to figure out what your trying to numb. And while we are in this phase we need to work on US, without the opinions of the people in our life. Like let’s be real here, they have their own demons they have to face.

 Listen, if we can focus our mindset and become more aware of the things “we” think about and be more concerned with our “own life”, we can easily break much of the bad habits (or addictions) we acquire throughout life. The only way to change our life, is to change ourselves. However, by continuing to use the word, “Addiction” and being in “recovery” and listening to the belief systems of other people, you ARE maintaining that state of mind, you keep doing and living the same life, and therefore you will never overcome it! You really have to focus on “you and your unique self” in order to understand where your pain generates and feed your pleasures by building a life that feels good to your inner being. Right now, you must seek the true essence that is YOU! Nothing can change because you’re not changing it! If you continue listening and doing the things the people around you do, you will always feel out of control, and you will live out of control! The same concept applies to the words, obsession, infatuation, compulsive, dependency, and whatever other habit words you use. To overcome it, you have to face it, and realize you’re allowed to just be….

(This is where you figure out who you really are. What you want to “be” when you grow up. What you like and don’t like. Who you like and who you really don’t like. You’re allowed to have an opinion and you are allowed to be yourself.)

TRANSFORMATION AND CLARITY

When people begin to realize their addictions are just compulsive dependency’s that began due to some “lack” in one area of life, or an “escape” to some trauma that happened to them, it becomes so easy to recognize why we began these habits in the first place. In fact, it becomes much easier to focus our mind on self growth, and move forward when we get clarity. Transformation and clarity of who we are suppose to be in life, becomes abundantly clear. We begin to change our thinking and our actions to reflect our purpose driven life! And this is where amazing things begin to happen!

As humans we want to be independent and we don’t want to be treated like a child. And, we definitely don’t want to be undermined by the people who we are around, that have their own challenges! No one is perfect, and everyone has something they are “addicted” to! Don’t undercut yourself no matter what side your standing on! The addicts family and friends have to make changes too! That is, if they want to be a part of your new life. Because truth is, everyone has issues and we can’t expect others to change if we are not willing to change. If you are a friend or family member of an addict, don’t become a dictator! Don’t tell someone they have to change, if you’re not willing to change. (Now I placed a label on the family, “Dictator” and I bet that made you feel uncomfortable)

I never did like the fact that everyone puts all this pressure on the “addict” while everyone else just sits around in their own addictions like eating disorders, sex, social media, mental and physical abuse, and whatever other things people do to compensate for their own stress induced life. It makes me crazy! I dislike labels very much and “addiction” is no exception!

Also, another thing you should acknowledge is, “things were not always okay” in the home of those with “addiction”. The family has to talk about the underlining cause whether you like it or not! If you really want to help EVERYONE, than everyone has to make changes. Stop leaving all the responsibility on the addict! Funny, how they are the one with the problem, yet some people go as far as pushing the blame on them for all their problems and stress. (Giggles), How does that work?

Look, I can give you a foundation with the steps I promised, but you have to be the one that takes the steps to get the results you want. And this is not just for the so called “addict”! As the family member/loved one, you have to participate if you want to be in their new life! So, if you really want to OVERCOME ADDICTION, First, lose the label all together! Call it a bad habit, because we all know “habits can be broken”! Then follow the “12 steps for the addict” or the “12 steps for family and friends of addicts” below…

12 steps for The Addict

  1. Own your part (take responsibility for your thoughts and actions)
  2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself (do something to better yourself)
  3. Stop talking about the past and use your mind to think of ideas that will move you into your future
  4.  Forgive, Appreciate and Have gratitude (Let go & let GOD)
  5. Stop looking for other people (relationships), places, and things to make you happy. (Happiness comes from WITHIN)
  6. Get grounded (body, mind, soul)
  7. Get in your own way so you can get out of your own head, and into a new understanding
  8. Change your Perspectives (use thoughts, words, and actions to reflect those perspectives)
  9. Do what you say and say what you do (DON’T TALK ABOUT IT, BE ABOUT IT)
  10. Wake up with purpose (have a plan when you get out of bed)
  11. Go to sleep with thanks (appreciate the experiences of each day)
  12. Be excited about the journey! (Embrace the unknown, and be excited about the unexpected things that will happen each day)

Hello! Hold on a minute…..Don’t discount yourself if your family member or loved one of an Addict. You have 12 steps too in this transition! If you think people with bad habits need help, then maybe you should learn what habits you need to adjust.

12 steps for family & friends of addicts

  1. Live and be the example of the 12 steps above first before you judge!
  2. Own your part (take responsibility for how YOU affect those around you)
  3. No more Pity Party’s (stop feeling sorry for yourself and for them)
  4. Do something different (Think and talk about something different and you’ll get different results. Your thoughts, words, and actions affect them too)
  5. Be Better not Bitter (Stop expecting them to change, while you stay the same. BE THE CHANGE)
  6. Be happy (stop being miserable with your own life. Find new people, places and things in your own life that are happy and good for you and for them. Be the example of what happy looks like)
  7. Get grounded (Are you grounded? Again, what example are you giving and living out in your own life)
  8. Stepping stone vs. Roadblock (Stop enabling them! Are you a stepping stone moving them forward into NEW LIFE, or are you a road block holding them back into their OLD LIFE?)
  9. Are you Reliable (Can they depend on you to keep your word, or do you break your promises? What are you getting busy with and with whom?)
  10. Reminiscing (Stop talking about the past! Move forward with new thoughts, new feelings, and new actions)
  11. Lose the negative words like Guilt, shame, doubt, & fear (begin with using words like forgiveness, acceptance, grace, and love)
  12. Words hold power and actions are the influence of that power! (Do the words you use reflect the actions you take in your own life)

There are a million different people who I am sure have a million different versions of “The 12 Steps to recovery” and it doesn’t matter what form you take, as long as the steps you take are moving EVERYONE FORWARD into their purpose! We all have a purpose in life, and Addicts, or people with really bad habits are no exception. EVERYONE should be doing something different every day! Every single person should be doing something to move themselves forward in this beautiful thing we call life.

However, if you are around people who are just going through the motions, doing the same thing day in and day out, your no better than an addict yourself. What are you doing that is so special? Habits are just something that is hard to give up. It’s just an obsession or infatuation! It’s doing the same thing over and over again. It’s a pattern or a custom, a fixation or we can just call it a bad habit, or keep calling it an addiction. But we all have something we do continuously that we are obsessed with doing! So, why do we call addiction a disease? It’s just a habit, and habits can be broken! You just have to change the routine and depend on something healthier and better for your life moving forward. Take the steps above and begin to restore your true inner being by improving the way you think and act. And be mindful of those thoughts and actions everyday. It really is that simple. Yes, it’s hard, but its really simple! Just start!

If you desire more guidance in other areas of your life, please comment below, ask a question, speak your heart and help another. You can also join me across social media or just grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today. This just may be the help you’ve been looking for. Begin your journey into an abundant life by making better choices and taking action today!! Living in abundance is a choice…

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, subscribe and don’t forget to join my podcast.

Blessings and love to you all!!

Thank you in advance for all your participation, support, and encouragement.

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WHY YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIPS SUCK!

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

Do you ever wonder why all your relationships end up repeating themselves with the same stressful, draining, drama filled people? Well we all go through this. I literally lay down two easy steps that you can take right now to prevent this from happening ever again.

Listen up, because I am here to tell you that starting right now, your relationships can be, “life giving” and not “life sucking”! I’m not just talking about your dating relationships. I’m talking about all the relationships you have professionally and personally.

Truth be told, the reason behind all the “drama” in relationships, is because we have lost total control of who we are as individuals. Everything we know about relationships is BS. We are taught by our parents what relationships look like, we are influenced by media (TV, Facebook, Vacation Ads, Marketers, etc.) on what relationships “should look like”, and we are more connected to technology, then we are with our own human species. We have literally lost totally connection to our own being, and yet we wonder why we are so unhappy. We wonder why there is war in the world, yet we do these 5 asinine things daily:

“5 Asinine things we Do daily”

  1. We walk out our doors and flick people off who drive too slowly or cut us off.
  2. We yell at people who are texting and driving, yet we text and browse the internet while driving.
  3. We get angry when we get stuck in traffic, even though we know there will be traffic.
  4. We yell at other people when things don’t go as we expected.
  5. We are screaming just because it somehow gives us pleasure to lash out at other people.

What is that all about anyway? When did it become a “trend” to be disrespectful? I am not kidding! The human race has lost all respect. In fact, we’ve not only lost the concept of respect, we use the word “respect” in a disrespectful way. We use it to get leverage.

OH, FYI, if You don’t know who I am and this is your first time here, let me introduce myself. “Hi, I am Christina, AKA Organic Tina. I don’t sugar coat shit, but I will help you find solutions!” Embrace yourself, because it’s about to GET REAL UP IN HERE…”

We have NO SELF RESPECT and We DON’T RESPECT OTHERS

Why do our relationships suck? Um, excuse me? Hello? Do you see the problem here? We have become an over reactive species. Our relationships don’t work where love is concerned, and they don’t really work in any other area of our life either. We react to everything in the most dramatic way. Our boss can’t give us constructive criticism because we overreact, and when he/she let’s us go, then we overreact again by bashing the boss and saying “how disrespectful they were”. We do the same with teachers, professors clients, kids, parents and the list goes on. We have become so out of touch with “learning ourselves” or “accepting change by listening to constructive criticism” that if people don’t meet our expectations, we overreact and become completely disrespectful. And that brings me to my point….

Your relationships suck, because YOU SUCK!

You are the reason nothing is turning out the way YOU WANT. You don’t sit with yourself long enough to know what you even want. You don’t turn off the TV, put down the phone, stop opening the books, put down whatever it is that you’re in the habit of doing, and just sit in your own thoughts for 5 minutes!

How can you expect everything to go your way? You don’t even know what “your way” is! Let me ask you something, What the hell do you want in a relationship? And are you willing to change to make it work? Probably not. Why should you have to change to make other people happy? Well good news, YOU DON’T! But what you do have to do is these two little simple steps.

1. Write down what you want. That’s right! Go get a pen right now and write down WHAT YOU WANT.

WRITE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW…. What do You Want in a Relationship???

Did you write it down? I’m still waiting here. Go ahead, write it down. Go get a pen and write it down. Hello, did you write it down yet? No, you didn’t! You’re still here reading this article! I literally just gave you the first step to finding your perfect relationship and you can’t even do one simple step! You know what the problem is, YOU! You want to sit there in your pity party, and you want to drag everyone down with you and blame others because you’re not happy in your relationships. You expect everyone to listen to you and you don’t even know what YOU WANT. And all because you can’t take 5 minutes to write down “what the hell you really want in a relationship”.

Now, if you are the exception, and you actually went and took 5 minutes to write down “what you want your relationship to look like moving forward”, then THAT IS AWESOME! You my friend, are heading towards a journey that will bring you clarity in ALL your relationships. That’s right, I said CLARITY in ALL relationships. Look at the list you wrote, and now I need you to do one more thing. And this is going to be the hard part. This is step number 2.

2. REFLECTION

I always say “reflection” is one of the hardest things for people to do. Humans have a really difficult time facing the reflection, when they realize the one thing staring back at them, is themselves. When you write down what you want in your relationships, and you spend time looking over it, you’re literally looking at your own expectations in your relationships. Now, let me ask you this, and please be honest. If you found a person of that stature today, would they like who you are right now? I know that takes a second. Let me say it one more time “If you met your perfect partner today, would they really like the person you are today?”

 I know that sucks! But, truth is, If you are not “A REFECTION OF WHAT YOU WANT” you will always be conflicted, and you will always be in “want”. Right now, you have these expectations about the kind of person you wish your partner was, or the type of person you want to be with, and you struggle to understand why your attracting all the wrong people. When the truth is, you are not attracting the right kind of people, because those people you’re wanting to attract, are not attracted to you! I know that sucks to hear too, but it is the truth.

NOW LET’S LOOK THROUGH A NEW LENZ, SHALL WE?

I am a “problem solver” not a “people pleaser”. (Okay maybe I am still working on the whole people pleaser thing). Regardless, I want to help you begin to lose everything in your life that is TOXIC. But I am not going to sugar coat it to get you there. I want to help you engage with the people who are Beneficial for “YOU”. You are special and you are unique! I want to help you embrace your uniqueness. Each and every one of us has a design, and each design has a purpose. With that said, Let’s get you in a place of clarity….

HOW CAN I BEGIN TO HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS?

So, you wrote down all the qualities of the person you would like in your life, right? Did you reflect on the character of the person you want, and the person you are right now? What does that look like to you? How do you look in that relationship, as you are right now? You must get this! Obviously, you really don’t mesh well with the person you are looking for or you would not be reading this article. But you also don’t mesh with the one’s you do find creeping into your life. You must look intently at that list, (who do I want in my life, and who don’t I want in my life) and look intently at yourself. Now ask yourself this very important question: “How can I become the type person I want to be with?”

THE ACTION YOU HAVE TO TAKE

That’s right, you have to become the kind of person you want in your life. The people you are currently attracting, is “YOU NOW”. But what does “FUTURE YOU” look like? You must become your future self! I promise you that once you become satisfied with yourself, and your own circumstances, the person you find yourself with, will actually “add” to your life, rather than “drain” your life. This person will make you feel even better and build you even higher than you build yourself. Listen, you know that “peddle stool” everyone talks about? Well, this person will put you on one of those, but even higher than you put yourself. I know you don’t put yourself on a peddle stool at all right now, but eventually you will! That is, if spend time to get to know yourself.

 So, starting today write down the kind of person you would like to find standing next to your future self. Don’t allow anymore toxic relationships to come into your life and your relationships won’t suck. You can’t blame other people because you make your own choices in life. We live in a very big world. There are many different styles of life. What style of life do you want to live? Are you living in a way that expresses the lifestyle you want in a partner? Probably not! And that is okay. You have learned so much from every relationship you have already been in. You know exactly what you DON’T WANT. So, write that down! Acknowledge that so you can see it coming back into your life when you meet new people. You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to settle.

So, in closing, find yourself and complete yourself first. If, and when you find a partner, he or she will complement your character. They will add to your already perfect life. They will encourage and build you up. Don’t allow people to trick you into doing what you don’t want or living in a way you’re not comfortable with. You know what your expectations are “RIGHT NOW”, you know the lifestyle you want to live tomorrow, and you’re aware of the lifestyle you don’t want to live anymore. So, stop getting into relationships with people who live in ways that conflict with these morals. I don’t care how “HOT” he is, if he doesn’t know how to manage money, he is NOT FOR ME! If he smokes and has habits that I don’t, HE IS NOT FOR ME! If he doesn’t live what “I see as healthy” he is not for me. If he doesn’t like ORGANIC, he is not for me……the list goes on. Stop settling for guys (or girls) who are not in alignment with your morals. Bottom line!

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today or join my channel on YouTube. This is how you begin your journey into an abundant life. By taking actions and embracing the unknown adventures. Living in abundance is a choice…

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