You know when you go on those dates, and they feel so uncomfortable right out the gate? Well, you should run! For some reason we stick around and continue to allow ourselves to become prey to whatever that person, or people are feeding us. We desire love and affection and attention so much that we will continue to ignore the signals our body and mind are telling us. Our body has natural senses to signal us from danger, and our mind tells us “Something’s off!” but we always ignore it. WHY DO WE DO THAT? Why can’t we listen and react the way we know we should at the core of our soul? It is so frustrating when we don’t listen to ourselves and yet we continue the cycle of allowing ourselves to ignore the red flags. When we have no self-control, we have no control of our mind, our decisions, or our actions.

HOW CAN WE REACT TO THE RED FLAGS?

For starters, when you get that uncomfortable feeling inside your gut that says, “this person is so full of shit” RUN! When you are sitting there listening to someone who is completely out of alignment with your beliefs, RUN! When you are with someone who you are not really attracted to, but you think you can see passed it later down the road, RUN!

What am I really saying? Stop having expectations that other people will change their ways for you and stop changing your ways for other people who don’t value you. Now I am all for transformation and changing of our minds. But when it becomes a complete contradiction of our innate beliefs, I warn to not fall prey to narcissistic or controlling people who are looking for your vulnerability areas. STOP TRYING TO FIT INTO EVERY ONE ELES’S BUBLE!!! Likewise, stop trying to force others to fit into your bubble!

HOW TO GET UNSTUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DON’T WORK

To get unstuck in relationships that we know aren’t going anywhere means avoiding relationships that are out of alignment in the first place. You could have avoided this if you took your time. People don’t take enough time to really get to know one another today. They walk around being fake trying to force relationships. Desperation to find love in the midst of some “common ground”; convincing ourselves to fit in to what other people think and believe, just for one taste to satisfy our personal desire! To have a lasting connection or to experience that unbreakable bond with another being is the ultimate goal for every human being.  God said it best when he said “It is not good for man to be alone!” But when we are fake and act out desperation, what happens a few months down the road? We forget how to think for ourselves, we lose ourselves in other people, and we live with regret hanging over us for even getting involved with these people.

So, to get unstuck in a relationship that holds no value in your own life, means you have to value yourself first. To value yourself means you must force yourself to be true to yourself instead of forcing yourself to fit in. Either way, there is a force inside of you that is trying to guide you. It is your responsibility to choose YOU in that moment and in every moment after. What do I mean? Well ask yourself these two questions when you feel you are at a crossroads.

You have to answer YES to BOTH of the following questions…

1. Does this serve me, in this moment?
2. Does this serve me, for the long hall?

If you don’t answer YES! For BOTH questions you need to reevaluate your decision moving forward. WHY? Because anything that is serving you in the moment won’t last forever. And if it doesn’t serve your future, why would you want it anyway? Serving you for the long hall means it serves you TODAY and TOMORROW. Which means it is constant. And a bond that is constant can only be a blessing for you and your life. To get unstuck and avoid relationships that don’t work, you have to strive for relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? “You have to have relationships that are constantly working for you in every moment, instead of against you in the most important moments.” This has to apply to both people and not just one sided. Now you ask Christina, how do you do that? “How do you know which relationships are constantly working? First, you need to recognize the relationships that are only temporary distractions from the ones that have long term potential. And the only way to decipher between these two, is to READ THOSE RED FLAGS and eliminate unnecessary distractions from all areas of your life!

READ THE RED FLAGS RIGHT OUT THE GATE

If we would just learn to read the red flags, allow them to fester inside when they’re presented, and then take appropriate actions the second we acknowledge them, we would have a lot less stress around the people we hang around. The truth is people don’t know themselves because they follow the rules of everyone else. We’ve reached this new generation where we don’t think for ourselves, we just fit in and blend in with all the trends. We listen to social media and see what everyone else is saying and we regurgitate it. We don’t even believe half the shit that comes out of our own mouth. We are too afraid to tell our own truth and yet we hate the world’s lies. So why don’t you just read the red flags of the people you know you shouldn’t have in your life and dismiss them. That way you can begin engaging with the people you’re actually in alignment with and stop wasting time with people who derail you from experiencing a great life.

We have moved into a world of DICTATORSHIP, and it’s not only become toxic, but contagious! Not only to our individual lives but to our society as an entirety. We have more and more people becoming narcissists because the character traits of narcissism says “we need control”. Control of people and the environment we live in. And so, when we meet people (and you’re a control freak) you lash out instead of welcoming diversity. To be teachable is to allow change. To allow change into our life is to grow. But the extent of that change is where people get confused. Let me make this very clear for you, “what that life change and growth looks like depends solely on you!” What kind of people are you allowing to influence your life?

OPENING YOUR HEART TO NEW KIND OF PEOPLE

When we meet new people, we have to realize we are stepping into their world. We want to be a steppingstone not a stumbling block for the people we meet. And we want that reciprocated. But to do that we have to try to look at life through their lens, while also seeing clearly through our own lens. We can’t look at everything inward with selfishness and we also can’t look outward to appease people. Yes again, we meet people, and we need to protect ourselves. But we also have to keep in mind that although they are stepping into our world, when we meet people, we are also stepping into their world, from their lens.

WARNING: We just talked about the red flags. Obviously if you meet someone who has narcissistic behavior patterns, you better watch out! In fact, RUN! Because when you enter “their world” they will attempt to control you and force you to play some toxic role in their world. They need you so they can blame you. When you allow people to control you and you lose yourself in them that is where the relational issues begin. Every time you allow people to have control of you in a way that sets them up for success, you get distracted, disappointed and fail. This makes you angry and while It sets them up for success it makes you look insane! Remember this, they can’t blame you for everything bad in their own life including the bad decisions they make, unless you let them!

So yes! We must see the red flags and look through our own lens with clarity, but we also have to be open for change when meeting new people. If that change includes growth for both of you, then that is the kind of relational connection you need to open your heart to. Opening your heart to new kinds of people means it’s essential for you to realize the kind of people you have chosen in the past, and avoid them like the plague. If you don’t learn to read the red flags of the people you are talking to, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship! Similarly, If you don’t begin opening your heart to explore dating new kinds of people, you are only setting yourself up for another failed relationship!

LET ME END WITH THIS THOUGHT

You are a beautiful soul on an amazing journey through life. Don’t waste it on anyone who makes you feel unworthy or frightened to be yourself. We as humans need to feel free enough to be ourselves, while also growing in all the areas that require self-growth. What is self growth? Well, that depends on you and your expectations for your life. And that is another topic for another day!

But TODAY embrace yourself! Be excited about the journey and explore the unknown with anticipation for the unexpected events that are coming your way. There is someone very special out there who will ‘get you’. Someone who excepts you with all your quirkiness. Someone who will see you through a lens that brings your view into focus. Someone who excites you to the very core of your being. There is someone out there who will inspire you to do the impossible. Someone who will encourage you to do the things that fuel the fire in your soul. There is someone out there who when you meet them you will just know by the look in their eyes that everything is in alignment. A person you want to be with and do life with. A time will come when this person falls right out of the sky into your life with no warning. Embrace it with all its wonder, beauty, and uncertainty. Because the only way to feel unstuck from relationships that don’t work out is to feel attached and connected to one person beyond basic human understanding. Remember to ask yourself “Does this serve me in this moment? And does this serve me for the long haul?”