Tag DATING ADVICE

Infidelity and Forgiveness (Part 2)

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

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FORGIVENESS…..

The most talked about action in the Bible, in many Religions, and in our personal healing journeys.

First, let’s get one thing very clear on what Forgiveness is not! Forgiveness does not mean enabling others to continue to hurt us. Some of you listen to churches preach the verse from Luke 6:29 and take it literally! It is meant for you to turn away from arrogance not to tolerate it! Nowhere in the bible does it say men (or any person) can lay their hands on you while you just sit back and tolerate it! Forgiveness does not give permission for others to disrespect or disregard our moral values! But let’s stick to the topic!

INFIDELITY

Cheating is infidelity which is the state of being unfaithful and disloyal. BOTTOM LINE! Let’s stop sugar coating it! Why are we forgiving this behavior? And some of you don’t just forgive it once, but you’ve forgiven it multiple times! WHYYYY????

When we’ve been cheated on, we sit and ponder on all the questions in and on our mind! Most of us ask…”what’s wrong with me? “Why am I not good enough?” “Why didn’t I see the red flags? Or “After all these years how did I miss the signs”? After those questions, and many others, the self-doubt, comparison, and uncertainty of our own worth begins to fester and kick into hard drive.  

Forgiveness should never look like this…. 

First example: “Somehow I didn’t do my part which caused my partner to cheat” And you forgive them because it was your fault.

Or 

Second example: “I overreacted with jealousy and hallucinated the entire thing…he never actually cheated.” Again, forgiving them because you are irrational and unclear about reality.

If that sounds all too familiar let me tell you this…

Stop making excuses for smooth talkers, Con artists, and narcissists! NO, YOU’RE NOT CRAZY! NO, YOU DIDNT HALLUCINATE THE WHOLE THING!  YES, HE IS FULL OF SHIT! AND IF YOU ARE HAVING JELOUS TENDENCIES, HE PUT THEM THERE AND GAVE YOU REASON TO FEEL THAT WAY. If you don’t trust someone it’s because they gave you a reason to distrust them! No one just wakes up jealous or insecure. EVER! Something or someone planted seeds that created these insecurities, self-doubt, and unworthy thoughts and emotions. But what I will say is that getting a handle on it, is your responsibility! Discovering why you are reacting that way and how to release it, is an entirely different journey! And it definitely does not include more toxic assholes in your life! So, take notes and start building boundaries! You can’t and won’t ever truly forgive until you understand “your own truth” and that looks very different for each of us.

Now, with all that said, let me be clear on one thing before I continue, “I do believe we should Forgive people who hurt us! BUT please hear me when I say, “Forgiveness does not mean we’re giving them permission to continue to use us as a doormat or manipulate us into tolerance”! We should HATE EVIL! Evil things people do is not a reflection of you, unless you react with evil in return!

What is Forgiveness

Forgiveness has a lot of definitions on the web. But I am about to explain forgiveness through a biblical approach. NO this is not meant to be religious or manipulating like bible thumper stuff. So don’t worry if bible stuff creeps you out or makes you uncomfortable in some way. I’m not here to convert you! I am about to tell you a story and truth about how I forgave my ex for cheating on me and how I became friends with his mistress! Let me start by saying, I was with him for 14 years. We had two kids together and although we had our struggles and disagreements, I thought we could overcome anything! I really did believe we were the power couple everyone wished they could be! But when he got a younger girl pregnant, I was devastated to say the least! However, I did forgive both of them! That’s right! Her and I became friends and I even….

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Dating yourself before ‘The Person’

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

So many people struggling in their dating life. And do you know why? Because they don’t even know how they want to be treated and yet they put expectations on someone else to meet their criteria. I think by now I have earned a gold star for “Top Performing single women”. It has been 7 long years and sometimes, yes, I feel like I might be single forever! But let’s be honest, once you’ve mastered the skill of being “single and happy” you definitely don’t want to waste time trying to get “hitched and miserable!” Dating in the 21st century has proven to be “the most dysfunctional time to date” EVER! I have been on my fair share of dating apps which….

  1. Sent me through a loop of facetime conversations that made me feel awkward as hell
  2. Text messages that were way over the top and inappropriate
  3. Phone calls that went great ……. until they didn’t!
  4. Went on more “meetup dates” that were a total waste of time

GET CLEAR ON YOUR DATING INTENTIONS

The truth is, No one knows how to be clear on their dating intentions and as a result they place all these expectations on someone else to fulfill all their dating requirements. Dating in your late 30’s, 40s or 50s is miserable and it’s just not fun anymore. These are the years we are supposed to be alive, open minded, and know what the fuck we want! Unfortunately, I think the Trump, Biden, Covid juice has literally fried everyone’s brain cells! Basically, people have lost their marbles! I have grown up with strong, independent women who require strong courageous, independent men. Unfortunately, men today have allowed the women to take the reign and they just gave up completely!

Listen Men, just because women are rediscovering their masculine sides in the corporate world (or in all worlds), does not mean you get to eat the tranquilizer of self-doubt, depression, and weakness. This leads to your narcissistic insecurities, and we DON’T WANT IT! We want you to take the reins, but we must trust you enough to lead us into abundance. If you can’t do that, we will continue to resist. And we all know where that resistance has gotten us.

The strangest thing I have encountered in dating is this “divulging of medical records, political preferences”. These things don’t really hold any real value in a relationship. When and why do we get so involved in political matters, that we allow it to literally control all our relationships? In fact, it dons not only control our relationships, but it has also taken control of our minds, body and soul. In 2019 there was so much peace in this world! Going to store was exciting because I knew I was going to meet a new stranger who was guaranteed to enlighten me, and vice versa. Now, we are 6ft apart, wearing masks, and hiding from society so we don’t catch the VID. It is fucking redundant, and those politicians are sitting up in the White House watching each and everyone one of us scramble around like a bunch of scared monkeys! And do you know what monkeys do when they are scared? They attack!

There are two sides today. On the one side, people are walking around with this entitled attitude, and on the other side they walk around with a defensive attitude. It is so exhausting! I have witnessed kids running households because their adult parents can’t get a handle on their own life. It is ridiculous! Get your shit together! Stop worrying about who is a democrat, who is a republican, who is vaccinated and who isn’t! Like really? It’s not the plaque. I can tell you first hand, I live in Florida and we have been open through most of the pandemic and I don’t see pe3ople dropping dead on the side of the road, Accept for those that have blown their brains out from feeling lonely and depressed. Get your head screwed on properly. This is not end times! Trust me, I have had my fair share of “close to death” experiences, and if God wanted me dead, he would have done it already!  I mean I clean houses for a living! Do you know how many Covid people I met? I am not dead! Unless I am a literal “ghost writer”.

Truth is, so many people have a bad habit of losing themselves in other people. It’s ironic to me how fast our human nature adapts to new cultural belief systems. Even if it’s in total conflict with our own morality. So many of us easily allow others to influence, control, or manipulate us. If I have learned anything in my seven years of singleness, it is that I love “ME” just as I am! I love all the parts of me that is allowed to grow, learn, and change daily, without holding back and without the voices in my head telling me I can’t, won’t or shouldn’t!  I explore life! When I go to heaven and they ask me what I enjoyed most, I will have so many experiences to share. I don’t want to waste the journey! Do you? Do you really want to be laying in your death bed wishing you felt loved? Like, truly loved! Do you even know what it feels like to be “truly loved, cherished, and treasured”? I am guessing you NO! Or you would not still be reading this blog.

Don’t worry your no alone! More then half of society does not know how to love, nor do they know what it feels like to be loved. And do you know why? Because of all that shit I spoke about earlier! People allow politics, media, tv, and “other people” to determine their destiny. Most of us never get the chance to reach our full potential because we are held back by the philosophies, and ideas of the world we surround ourselves in. But what if I told you that you could create an entirely different world for yourself? What if I told you that you could have the love of your life, the job of your dreams, and the power to create a life of abundance in all areas?

No! I am not going to try to sell you an overpriced program filled with information that you can find on the internet. What I am going to do is give you actionable activities that will help you determine what kind of life you really want to live. I will help you determine where you need boundaries and how to set those boundaries, so you can begin applying new behaviors that will have you performing at your best! You will have a love for life and a desire inside your soul that will have everyone wanting to drink “YOUR JUICE”! See, I believe in transformation, not motivation. What I do not believe in  is “faking it until you make it”. I think that is all bullshit!

“Why would anyone want to fake a life they can’t actually enjoy when they can build a life that truly makes them happy?”

First, if you think for one second that you will be happy when you find “your person”, you are sorely mistaken! If you are not happy today, alone with you, why would anyone else be happy with you? Furthermore, if they are not happy with you, they will be miserable with you! Making you more miserable in the process. Do you see where I am going with this? So, before you find “your person” you must first, find you! You must know the kind of person you want in your life, and then you must become the kind of person that person would want in their life! Just as important as it is for you to be happy, it is just as important for the person you are with to be happy. And you will find this works in all areas of life. Your work life, your friends and social life, even with your family life. When you have boundaries, know what you want, discover the things you don’t want in your life, and you become clear on your expectations right out the gate. It becomes very clear who is for you and who is against you. And let’s face it, we want to lose all those individuals who want to knock us down, change us, or make us feel less then or awkward about our own beliefs.  

So if you are struggling in and out of relationships that only end with you starting over and having to rediscover yourself, my advice to you would be “discover who you want to be and become that person before you meet THAT PERSON”.

If you are in a place of confusion and want to learn how to discover yourself amidst your mess, check this out! You won’t be disappointed. I may still be single after 7 years, but it is for one, by choice, and two, I would much rather be single then settled! I don’t invest in people or things that make my life unhappy, boring, inadequate, or keep me from reaching my full potential and living my best life. And neither should you!

Where is My Holidate (Part 2)

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

As I was saying, time is our most precious commodity in life. I say “commodity” because I’ve noticed how easily people give up their time. Our time can be bought or given away for free. Don’t waste it on people who devalue their own time, because they will waste your time in the process! When I finally took a moment to breath and be in the moment, my life changed drastically! I not only valued my time, but I respected my own values by not allowing “time wasters” into my life. I spent some time alone with myself figuring out who I was and wo I wanted to be, then some more time figuring out what kind of guy I wanted in my life, and the kind of guy I didn’t want in my life. And when I figured out the kind of life I wanted to live and the kind of person I wanted to be, I realized quickly the kind of guy I actually wanted in my life. I realized very early in the game that the kind of guy I wanted in my life, really wouldn’t like the person I was prior to me working on me. So, I spent the next 5 years becoming the kind of person, “my ideal partner” would not only like but love! Once I did that, I realized I would rather be single then settled. And I no longer wanted to waste my time with men (or people) who would hold no value in the life I wanted to live. See, when you get alone with yourself to actually figure out what the hell you want, you stop wasting time on the people and things that make you miserable! Try to remember this one very important rule: “When you’re miserable so are the people you hang around” 

See, when we get a moment to gain clarity and perspective, our mind and motives, become abundantly clear. Suddenly we get this desire and passion for life, and in the process, we realize how precious our time truly is. Take it from me, when you’ve been single for a while, you never want to lose yourself to someone who doesn’t have the same vision, desire, or values for life, that you hold. Settling is not an option! This feeling is only something you can understand when you’ve spent enough time “alone and happy. That’s right, I said alone and happy! I can’t believe the amount of people in this world that struggle to be alone with themselves, but then they are confused why no one else wants to be alone with them. (smh) If you can’t be alone with you, don’t expect others to want to be alone with you!

Most single, independent women (and men) who have been single for any amount of time, have learned to embrace every season with purpose. One thing I’ve learned being single, is that I can go through struggles knowing I will regain new strength and meaning for each day! It is indescribable how resilient we become once we focus on the big picture. It is not something you can teach but must live to truly understand. Basically, if we can live life clinging to every season with grace and eagerness for more experiences and lessons, then we will live a life filled with experiences and lessons. Try to remember “We grow through what we go through”. We don’t want people in our life that add weight to our already heavy life. Rather, we want someone to come along for the ride with us who can handle the journey, building a life together! Most people who are 40 and up have already been with someone who drove them through hell and back at least once and they refuse to allow that happen again. I did say “most”. But some of you are a glutton for punishment because you never take the time to get over on before you get right on top of another!!! Yes, a little crude, but true. Com ‘on you know I am right! Quite frankly, many women over 40 are tired of cleaning up the damage you had with your ex. So, as the saying goes, “we would much rather be single than settled”.

Truth is that self-sufficient women don’t want someone who can’t handle the struggles of life. Life happens all the time and if a man can’t be strong and walk forward confidently in the struggles, why would she need him? She has been single this long and done just fine! Funny isn’t it, men say all they want is to feel needed, important, appreciated and loved, but most men don’t understand what those things mean to him. Let me also add Girls will not “Give sex for love” guys, that shit isn’t working anymore! We figured out; we love ourselves more and if we’re honest, they have toys that work magic for women today. Just saying!

Here is a prime example of what I am talking about…. I am scrolling through Facebook at 5am and this ad popped up. Obviously, another coaching ad! This female (we will call her Silly Sally) claimed to be offering help to all the “Independent single women who struggled to find a real man”. So, I decided to read into the comments, because there was no way I was clicking that link!

(Giggles) as I ask myself “who the hell told Facebook I was struggling to find a man? Why is this ad in my feed?” (scratching my head, rolling my eyes) “whatever….reading on…”

So, the creator continued to speak of how she was this “Single independent women” who moved and traveled for a year until she met this “great guy”! Then she proceeded to explain how she ended up with him and they moved in together after only 3 months! HELLO! WAIT! WHAT? WTF! Can someone say RED FLAG????!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY!! So quick to move in with each other! So, let me get this straight! This is a “Successful and Independent woman who is selling a program for women to “give up control” so she can be with a real man?” Umm…I’d love to be a fly on the wall at her house today! LOL Listen, real men don’t need you to give up control! Real men want powerful women and visa-versa! Powerful people need each other because they fuel one another. Bottom line! So don’t dumb down your character, tune in to your genius and recognize the red flags early on. Stop dating based on attraction, status, and sex!! There is no way sh learned enough about that guy in just 3 months. Shit like that drives me batty that women follow her and buy into her program because she is claiming to be a dating expert because she met some stranger at the peak of her career while traveling. And now they live together after three months so that makes her a expert? Are you freaking kidding me? That makes her an idiot!!!

Look, Men who find successful women intimidating are the ones will always fight and argue with her because they feel this need to “win”. Those are insecure, ego driven, ass holes with no real purpose in life. It’s very narcissistic. Let me fuel your soul with some wisdom right now…”If you are giving up control for any man, your weak and more codependent than independent! And you will never find your voice hiding behind anyone else’s ego”!

“Where are all the courageous men and all the strong women?”

So, if your single this holiday remember, independent women who want a partner, do NOT want to mother their partner! women, not all men are looking to take advantage of you for their own pleasure. Truth is, there are good and evil people in this world, and you must be one of the good ones to find the good ones, and then weed out the bad ones. I am a hopeless romantic, so I do believe in love. Especially during the holidays. I may not be the writer that believes in “love at first site” and Maybe I don’t agree with “moving in with someone too quickly”, But the magic I foresee goes beyond the basic romantic novels I read and write. I want happiness for myself, and I most certainly want happiness for my readers. But mostly, I want those individuals who feel lonely during the holiday season to find happiness inside themselves. I want more people to live in the moment, find contentment and happiness in their singleness, and discover a new life in the journey. Each person has a little crazy inside them. It’s okay to be strange and unusually. Embrace it, because that could be the very thing that attract your person. I admit it, I can be a little corky sometimes, my belief systems can seem a little “out of this world”, and my obsession with ORGANIC can be a little extreme. But I actually enjoy being single, so I embrace my weird, corky habits and hobbies. Maybe it’s the awkwardness of a first date or the “interview” like process that goes with the first date, that makes me avoid dating at all costs. (Giggles at self) Or it could just be that I want something that comes natural, easy, and leaves me craving more. After 7 years being single, I have never been on a date that has left me craving for a third date. I sadly admit they usually end by then! True story! Definitely a blog for another day.

Inquiring minds still want to know …… WHERE IS MY HOLIDATE?

I know! I Know! I am waiting patiently as well!! So, I guess until Mr. Holidate comes along, we will have to wait another year and see how or who the universe brings our way…

WHY YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIPS SUCK!

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

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Do you ever wonder why all your relationships end up repeating themselves with the same stressful, draining, drama filled people? Well we all go through this. I literally lay down two easy steps that you can take right now to prevent this from happening ever again.

Listen up, because I am here to tell you that starting right now, your relationships can be, “life giving” and not “life sucking”! I’m not just talking about your dating relationships. I’m talking about all the relationships you have professionally and personally.

Truth be told, the reason behind all the “drama” in relationships, is because we have lost total control of who we are as individuals. Everything we know about relationships is BS. We are taught by our parents what relationships look like, we are influenced by media (TV, Facebook, Vacation Ads, Marketers, etc.) on what relationships “should look like”, and we are more connected to technology, then we are with our own human species. We have literally lost totally connection to our own being, and yet we wonder why we are so unhappy. We wonder why there is war in the world, yet we do these 5 asinine things daily:

“5 Asinine things we Do daily”

  1. We walk out our doors and flick people off who drive too slowly or cut us off.
  2. We yell at people who are texting and driving, yet we text and browse the internet while driving.
  3. We get angry when we get stuck in traffic, even though we know there will be traffic.
  4. We yell at other people when things don’t go as we expected.
  5. We are screaming just because it somehow gives us pleasure to lash out at other people.

What is that all about anyway? When did it become a “trend” to be disrespectful? I am not kidding! The human race has lost all respect. In fact, we’ve not only lost the concept of respect, we use the word “respect” in a disrespectful way. We use it to get leverage.

OH, FYI, if You don’t know who I am and this is your first time here, let me introduce myself. “Hi, I am Christina, AKA Organic Tina. I don’t sugar coat shit, but I will help you find solutions!” Embrace yourself, because it’s about to GET REAL UP IN HERE…”

We have NO SELF RESPECT and We DON’T RESPECT OTHERS

Why do our relationships suck? Um, excuse me? Hello? Do you see the problem here? We have become an over reactive species. Our relationships don’t work where love is concerned, and they don’t really work in any other area of our life either. We react to everything in the most dramatic way. Our boss can’t give us constructive criticism because we overreact, and when he/she let’s us go, then we overreact again by bashing the boss and saying “how disrespectful they were”. We do the same with teachers, professors clients, kids, parents and the list goes on. We have become so out of touch with “learning ourselves” or “accepting change by listening to constructive criticism” that if people don’t meet our expectations, we overreact and become completely disrespectful. And that brings me to my point….

Your relationships suck, because YOU SUCK!

You are the reason nothing is turning out the way YOU WANT. You don’t sit with yourself long enough to know what you even want. You don’t turn off the TV, put down the phone, stop opening the books, put down whatever it is that you’re in the habit of doing, and just sit in your own thoughts for 5 minutes!

How can you expect everything to go your way? You don’t even know what “your way” is! Let me ask you something, What the hell do you want in a relationship? And are you willing to change to make it work? Probably not. Why should you have to change to make other people happy? Well good news, YOU DON’T! But what you do have to do is these two little simple steps.

1. Write down what you want. That’s right! Go get a pen right now and write down WHAT YOU WANT.

WRITE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW…. What do You Want in a Relationship???

Did you write it down? I’m still waiting here. Go ahead, write it down. Go get a pen and write it down. Hello, did you write it down yet? No, you didn’t! You’re still here reading this article! I literally just gave you the first step to finding your perfect relationship and you can’t even do one simple step! You know what the problem is, YOU! You want to sit there in your pity party, and you want to drag everyone down with you and blame others because you’re not happy in your relationships. You expect everyone to listen to you and you don’t even know what YOU WANT. And all because you can’t take 5 minutes to write down “what the hell you really want in a relationship”.

Now, if you are the exception, and you actually went and took 5 minutes to write down “what you want your relationship to look like moving forward”, then THAT IS AWESOME! You my friend, are heading towards a journey that will bring you clarity in ALL your relationships. That’s right, I said CLARITY in ALL relationships. Look at the list you wrote, and now I need you to do one more thing. And this is going to be the hard part. This is step number 2.

2. REFLECTION

I always say “reflection” is one of the hardest things for people to do. Humans have a really difficult time facing the reflection, when they realize the one thing staring back at them, is themselves. When you write down what you want in your relationships, and you spend time looking over it, you’re literally looking at your own expectations in your relationships. Now, let me ask you this, and please be honest. If you found a person of that stature today, would they like who you are right now? I know that takes a second. Let me say it one more time “If you met your perfect partner today, would they really like the person you are today?”

 I know that sucks! But, truth is, If you are not “A REFECTION OF WHAT YOU WANT” you will always be conflicted, and you will always be in “want”. Right now, you have these expectations about the kind of person you wish your partner was, or the type of person you want to be with, and you struggle to understand why your attracting all the wrong people. When the truth is, you are not attracting the right kind of people, because those people you’re wanting to attract, are not attracted to you! I know that sucks to hear too, but it is the truth.

NOW LET’S LOOK THROUGH A NEW LENZ, SHALL WE?

I am a “problem solver” not a “people pleaser”. (Okay maybe I am still working on the whole people pleaser thing). Regardless, I want to help you begin to lose everything in your life that is TOXIC. But I am not going to sugar coat it to get you there. I want to help you engage with the people who are Beneficial for “YOU”. You are special and you are unique! I want to help you embrace your uniqueness. Each and every one of us has a design, and each design has a purpose. With that said, Let’s get you in a place of clarity….

HOW CAN I BEGIN TO HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS?

So, you wrote down all the qualities of the person you would like in your life, right? Did you reflect on the character of the person you want, and the person you are right now? What does that look like to you? How do you look in that relationship, as you are right now? You must get this! Obviously, you really don’t mesh well with the person you are looking for or you would not be reading this article. But you also don’t mesh with the one’s you do find creeping into your life. You must look intently at that list, (who do I want in my life, and who don’t I want in my life) and look intently at yourself. Now ask yourself this very important question: “How can I become the type person I want to be with?”

THE ACTION YOU HAVE TO TAKE

That’s right, you have to become the kind of person you want in your life. The people you are currently attracting, is “YOU NOW”. But what does “FUTURE YOU” look like? You must become your future self! I promise you that once you become satisfied with yourself, and your own circumstances, the person you find yourself with, will actually “add” to your life, rather than “drain” your life. This person will make you feel even better and build you even higher than you build yourself. Listen, you know that “peddle stool” everyone talks about? Well, this person will put you on one of those, but even higher than you put yourself. I know you don’t put yourself on a peddle stool at all right now, but eventually you will! That is, if spend time to get to know yourself.

 So, starting today write down the kind of person you would like to find standing next to your future self. Don’t allow anymore toxic relationships to come into your life and your relationships won’t suck. You can’t blame other people because you make your own choices in life. We live in a very big world. There are many different styles of life. What style of life do you want to live? Are you living in a way that expresses the lifestyle you want in a partner? Probably not! And that is okay. You have learned so much from every relationship you have already been in. You know exactly what you DON’T WANT. So, write that down! Acknowledge that so you can see it coming back into your life when you meet new people. You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to settle.

So, in closing, find yourself and complete yourself first. If, and when you find a partner, he or she will complement your character. They will add to your already perfect life. They will encourage and build you up. Don’t allow people to trick you into doing what you don’t want or living in a way you’re not comfortable with. You know what your expectations are “RIGHT NOW”, you know the lifestyle you want to live tomorrow, and you’re aware of the lifestyle you don’t want to live anymore. So, stop getting into relationships with people who live in ways that conflict with these morals. I don’t care how “HOT” he is, if he doesn’t know how to manage money, he is NOT FOR ME! If he smokes and has habits that I don’t, HE IS NOT FOR ME! If he doesn’t live what “I see as healthy” he is not for me. If he doesn’t like ORGANIC, he is not for me……the list goes on. Stop settling for guys (or girls) who are not in alignment with your morals. Bottom line!

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today or join my channel on YouTube. This is how you begin your journey into an abundant life. By taking actions and embracing the unknown adventures. Living in abundance is a choice…

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