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SEX AND RELATIOSHIPS, HOW THIRSTY ARE YOU?

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

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Hello guys and thank you so much for tuning out the noise and tuning into todays’ blog. This month we are talking about sex and relationships. If you’d rather listen to the podcast please go to Zen Lenz Media or go to any Podcast app. (If you can’t find me on let me know and I will direct you) I think it’s important to discuss sex because we live in a society where sex is consuming us. We have people struggling with porn addiction and sexual harassment and sex in relationships has been tainted. So, when I say, “How thirsty are you?” I hope this question makes you reflect on yourself and how you view sex rather than what the world says about it.

Listen I am going to start off on a downer, but that is what Zen Lenz Media is all about! It’s Looking at our reality and getting perspective so we can look at our life through a new lens. By doing this we can overcome and transform ourselves and our life. I have to speak about sexual abuse first because many of us have experienced some sort of sexual abuse and we push it down and never deal with it and it consumes us. We wonder why our relationships don’t work, and I am here to help you face some of the demands that might help you understand why you act the way do, AKA “ACT SO THIRSTY”, and also look at the reasons all your relationships fail or are unfulfilling.

Now, I know what it is to suffer sexual, physical, mental and substance abuse but I also know the power of overcoming the things that kept me stuck and attached to those things. The one thing we can have control of is our mind and our body!!! It just takes one choice and one action to change our life forever! And choices begin with a mindset shift.

So let me ask you this, when you think of thirst, what does your mind tell you that you’re thirsty for?

Sex and sexual Abuse

Listen beautiful people, this is a hard topic, but I am starting with this before I get into the juicy stuff, because too many people don’t want to face their past trauma. And I feel like it’s no surprise that many of us have experienced sexual trauma as children. I mean our society is promoting sexual harassment just by allowing transgender men into women’s bathrooms. We get into these cycles of moving on and living in the moment, and we never find happiness in anything we do. We’re all pretty self-aware, enough to realize that facing our trauma brings it to the surface. But when our past traumatic experiences are not delt with they enter in and out of every relationship we have. Some people don’t even realize they’re doing this. But hopefully today you will come to the realization and make the appropriate adjustments. So, let’s work on this for second.

            TRUTH IS: when we experience trauma and we push it down and ignore it, that just gives it space to fester into behavior patterns as we get older. And every time we get hurt, it brings up another experience that again, gets pushed down and turns into behavior patterns.  And we continue to stuff, stuff, stuff, down all our feelings and emotions. Then, when we find someone who isn’t intentionally trying to hurt us, we explode all our stuff onto them assuming they are like everyone else. And why do we do that? Well, because one little word, or one little action triggered our subconscious mind back to a memory of a past traumatic experience that we never delt with in the first place!

            Further: when we don’t heal and cope with our past traumatic experiences, we create patterns that keep us attracting the same kinds of people, and we never find relationships with people who build us up. And this is partly our own fault because we didn’t work on our insecurities. We take everything so dam personal and we end up so sensitive to pain, that in our reality, the Lense we look through, is filled with everyone who is out to get us. Even when that may not be the case. What our truth is in our mind, can be distorted if we don’t clear out the clutter in our mind.  

Look I understand trauma from sexual abuse can cause woman (and men) to react toward sex differently. I have heard many stories from young teen girls, grown men, and women I mentor. Although we all experience and react differently, we all feel a loss of control, and the lens we look through which is our reality, is our life constantly spiraling out of control.  But I also know we can overcome the trauma from sexual abuse because I’ve overcome it myself. I can tell you this, “locking it in” is not helping you, because you carry yourself, those experiences, and those problems with you everywhere you go. In an out of every relationship. In and out of every job, every church group, every friendship, and every business deal you make. When you hold on to baggage you carry baggage with you! Unless you release it, forgive it, and change your perspective, the way you think and feel about your life, you will never do anything to change your life.

So, whether you believe it was fate that brought you here, or a divine intervention, I am here to tell you that you can discover life by looking at it from a completely new lens. Sometimes we just need a nudge in the right direction. And that is where I come in! To be your muse is to be your inspiration but also to show you truth and make you face it head on.

Let’s talk about what sex means to you!

Okay so before I give you all the “T” and dive into a juicy story about a woman at the well, let’s talk about sex in relationships for a second!!! I mean, some of you are so thirsty! You’re so thirsty for attention.

So, let’s talk about SEX: Means we have to talk about how you look, feel, and treat yourself before and after sex. Because society and trauma has distorted sex. Which God gave us to enjoy. Its not a freaking sin. We make it sin with our minds. So let me ask you a few questions:

  1. Ladies, do you love your body?
  2. Do your clothes make you feel comfortable and represent how you feel daily?
  3. Are you secure in your own skin?
  4. How’s your hygiene?
  5. How do you like to be touched and are you comfortable touching yourself?
  6. Do you have a pure, clean, and safe view of sex?

Well, here’s the thing, if we, as women have been mistreated sexually and we have not learned to respect and love our own bodies with a certain regard for our own admiration of our body, we disregard our self-esteem and give away approval to anyone and everyone who is willing to give us the slightest bit of attention.  We’re thirsty! Then we become very disappointed when we are ghosted, cheated on, or feel used in some way. Basically, we lose respect for ourselves, and no one ever really respects us, because they never witnessed what respect looks like through our own eyes! Because you’re not making people see you through your lens of respect! Let me explain!

We all have very different perspectives when it comes to respect, love, family morals etc. So, whatever Lenz you’re looking through (your perspective on life) you must be living as an example so others can see through your lens by the way you act, speak, and carry yourself. Because they can’t read your mind, they read your body language and listen to words you speak.

We put all these expectations on men to respect us and have self-control, but we flaunt our body, and speak words that demean our character and the true essence of who we are at the very core of our being.  What I am saying is, “Every time you disregard your own worth, you give away a piece of your soul”.

See, I dated men who have been super insecure, and it drove me crazy! If I am honest, I hated even engaging and having sex with them because of their hesitance to take control. It wasn’t that my sex drive was lacking, it was the fact that I just wasn’t turned on by them. Their character lacked the enticing engagement, that boldness, and that mental substance I required.

When people are depressed and self-engaged there is nothing attractive about them! It’s like everyone is on the hunt for something that brings pleasure and if they don’t get pleasure from one thing, they will move on to something else.

And this is what happens in most relationships today, isn’t it? We don’t get what we want in our current relationship, so we go on the hunt for something or someone who will fill that void.

The women at the Well (John 4)

Okay so, If you’re not familiar with the story of the Samaritan women at the well, you have to go read it!  It’s in the Book of John chapter 4 in the bible. If you don’ read any other story in the bible, go read this one.

Okay so basically it goes something like this:

Jesus is traveling with his disciples, and he wants to stop at the well in Samaria, but they are not even supposed to go that way because they are Jews. But Jesus is Jesus, so the disciples just do what he says. Obviously, He knows this girl is going to be there because, well, he is all knowing, right? So, He sends his disciples into town to get food and then he goes over and sits at the well and waits for this Samaritan woman.

Okay, can I be honest, first time I heard this story I’m thinking “oh Jesus is about to get his freak on because he sent his disciples away, to go eat while he talks to this woman, right?” He planned this meet up, right? Hold up! It gets better….

So, she shows up and is struggling with these huge gallons of water trying to drop them down the well to fetch her water. Like seriously! So back then the women would walk for miles to this well to fetch watcher in these huge clay pitchers. Can you imagine carrying heavy pottery pitchers over your shoulders or on your head for miles in the heat? Not to mention, this particular woman had to go out at noon, in the hottest part of the day because other women in the town didn’t like her because they viewed her as “unclean”.  So, they didn’t want to be seen with her. So, she couldn’t go with them in the early morning when it was cooler.

So now she sees this man sitting there at the well and he has the audacity to ask her for a drink of water!

Excuse me? Okay hold up! I just walked all this way, in the heat of day, with these heavy pitchers, which you don’t even have a pitcher, and you want me to give you one of mine?

Let me remind you that he is not supposed to be talking to her because he is a Jew. And Jews don’t talk to Samaritans. That’s so Racist if I do say so myself…but whatever!

So, Jesus asks her for some water, and she basically said, “ABSOLUTELY NOT”! Jesus answered her, “If you knew who it was that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you “Living water”!

She’s like “what? Excuse me?”

Listen to this. Here is where it gets interesting!

The woman continues to give all these excuses of why she can’t give him any water from the well and they banter back and forth. This probably goes on for about 20-30 minutes, I’m guessing.

She continues, “You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

Here is where we realize how “thirsty” this woman really is …. He replies to her and says: “anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give, will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Now, I am about to help some of you, “thirsty” ladies out there.

Listen, he knows she is living with this man who is not her husband, and he also knows she had 5 husbands prior. He literally reminds her of all the things she has done, but wait because, he does it in a way where he is like:

“I know your thirsty women, let me help you.”

No just kidding…. seriously!Jesus had self-control! Well, that is what we are told anyway! So let’s Chill out! Jesus was not a player!

So, Jesus and this woman, exchange a few more words back and forth, and now she is at his mercy begging for this living water that He claims to have. She like “give me this water so I never get thirsty again and I won’t have to keep coming back here just to get water! Jesus convinces her she needs this living water but then

Then he says: “Okay, Go get your husband.”

“I have no husband,” she replied.

Well dah! He knows that!

Jesus continues: “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you had five husbands, and the man you are with now is not your husband.”

And now she is really offended because of course she isn’t married to the man she is with, so she feels even more unclean! And to top it all off, she just realized she is talking to a prophet! But wait! Because little does she know, she is about to find out she is actually talking to the messiah! The chosen one that these people have been waiting for.

Let’s pause for a minute here because most preachers and teachers want to make it like this woman was some kind prostitute and that is not the case. In fact, if she was an adulterous woman or a prostitute she would have been stones before she even had a chance to marry 2 3 4 and 5 times. So let that sink in. For those ladies who are in abusive or toxic and unhealthy relationships, nowhere does it say we can’t marry more than one man. In fact, many men in the bible had SEVERAL WIVES. So, let’s get that cleared up. Because man likes to twist things to gain power! And how do they get power in the church? By keeping you feeling guilty for all your so called “bad behaviors and sinful nature”, The bible says the Lord was tempted in the flesh and he was God! So he already knows how difficult it is in this flesh. Stop feeling so damn guilty for everything you do. Stop feeling shameful for the things you allowed people to do to you and stop being afraid of people. They have no power over you unless you give it to them.

So now she realizes he is a prophet. The story continues.

Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

I want you to hear this because this is important too!

“Woman,” He says, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews.” 

Okay Jesus is a little arrogant here, but that’s normal for middle eastern men, right? Let’s not read into that too much because he is about to make salvation available not just to her but to everyone.

He didn’t come to abolish any laws he only came for salvation for all but through one.

He continues, “…Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth for, they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks: “God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Did you hear what he just said? In the spirit and the truth. Jesus is the spirit and the Truth.

So, the woman responds. “I know that the Messiah (called Christ) is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

Notice, she is not trying to hear him! She is like, when the real Christ comes, he will tell us everything we need to know”. Like you’re not going to tell me anything right now! I am waiting on God!

Like this is some of you right now. God puts someone in front of you to give you a clear message and you ignore it because you think God coming from heavens with loud trumpets, this White hair, and flaming feet, and a sword in hand.  Like, stop making our God a scary looking albino looking for someone to devour! You’re literally making him the devil and you’re becoming the devil in the process! Just saying.

Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am He.”

He wasn’t scary looking. In fact, I see a genuine, handsome, middle eastern man who knew what his mission was from a child, and he is not abandoning that for anyone. But he is here for the salvation of everyone. To give us all hope and a future! You can’t have a future sitting around thirsty for fleshly things that offer temporary pleasures when your soul is thirsty for spirit and truth which lasts for eternity.

So this woman finally starts to get it! I know she had to be freaking out at this point! She just realized this whole time she has not only been talking to this strange man about her “life, but to the messiah! Listen, the world made her feel dirty and sinful about her life. And yet the most clean, pure, self-controlled and lets say handsome, man comes to her and shows her respect, acceptance, and Love. I would drop to his feet if I met a man like that today! And not in a sexual manner, but in a holy, loving, worshiping way. At the end of the day, we all thirst for that kind of admiration. Don’t we? The kind that just bears witness to our real life, the good the bad, the beautiful parts, the ugly parts, along with the unclean and the clean parts that make up who we truly are. We want acceptance for our true being. But not so we stay there! So, we can be held accountable, and move forward into an eternal life of abundance.

See God wants us to be thirsty, but not just for things that hold no real long term value to our personal mission in life. I say this all the time:

“we are all living this life together, but we all experience it differently.

We have to embrace our differences and stop being ashamed of our diversities. We were created in a world full of variety, so we can teach each other, learn from one another, and put the pieces of our life together by the connections that we have, because of those differences. We are supposed to all work together as good and pleasing servants, for his Will to be done! And the only way to do that is to submit to the holy spirit. The spirit of truth.

We can’t change what was already created perfectly. Listen, when I was learning to program, I realized that when creating code for a specific program, I had to be very mindful of every single piece of code. The programs only work when the right procedures are followed. When you’re writing code you have to think of all the users and you have to be giving the right prompts to the program, so the program can send the right response to the user.

If you try to go outside the foundation of the programs code and try to go against what it was built to do, warning signs come up and sometimes the entire system breaks. As the programmer it’s frustrating because it causes us to start over and rewrite some of the code. And although it may take several attempts to get all the code right for one program just to work, once the foundation of the code is set, I could reuse it across any new project or any platform I wanted. It is checked and checked again for flaws until it is perfected. So, remember, you might need to check yourself, and check yourself again before you get to perfection. But it is more likely you reach perfection the more you learn and the more tweak.     

So eventually, the Disciples Rejoined Jesus. They were shocked to see him talking to this woman, but they dare not say anything to him or question Him! I can see the disciples here thinking “Was Jesus just getting his flirt on?”  Like seriously?! LOL!

Like what is going on here! If I were the disciples, I would be asking questions!

Like “if Jesus was so tired and thirsty why did he wait here at the well with this Samaritan woman, who he should not even be speaking to? Rather he should have come into town with us to get food and drink.

And then to top this story off, when the disciples show up this lady runs off into town? Like Really? I have questions!Iknow the disciples had questions! I know Peter was like “Bro, tell me the truth, I won’t tell the other disciples, did you hit that?”

 Like you know when you think of the men Jesus ran with, and you think of the men today, you know their mentality! Nothing under the sun has changed. So, people haven’t changed! There is just more corruption because we have social media which shows us how others are acting and it’s becoming accepted.  But no! The disciples didn’t question him. It says, “no one dared question him”! We do not want him putting his father’s wrath on us, right? Like we saw this man do miracles right in front of us. We do not know what he is capable of! Let’s not make him angry. Let’s just do the right thing today, keep pure thoughts, and move on.

Okay so the story continues: she went into town and tells everyone about this man who told her everything she has done. No ladies, sorry to disappoint you all! She wasn’t into Jesus! He is not her next victim that she is going to sink her claws into and marry him! She was just so excited about the things he told her and couldn’t wait to tell everyone that she might have just been the first to witness of the messiah. “Could this be the Messiah?” she said to all the people in town.

Remember what Jesus said to her:

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH Y’ALL! Hear this please!

This woman ran off so quickly with excitement not only because he told her everything she did, but he comforted her in her convictions of the things she did and made her feel clean again. She knew to the very core of her being, that no one person could make her feel that way. Accept the messiah! When he did that, in their short interaction and time together, she knew in that moment that He was not only the messiah, but that He was the spirit and the truth!

This is such a beautiful story and example of God and his love for us.

There was a point in their banter back and forth where I’m positive she felt so guilty for having all those husbands. But get this, he professed to her that he has not gone public yet. So, she was the first one he told that he was the messiah. Do you know how huge that is?

 She was the first one to bear witness. Do you know how that must have made her feel? I can’t even imagine! When I watched this clip on the chosen series, I bawled my eyes out because even though I don’t know what it would feel like to be standing in front of Jesus’s flesh and blood, but I do know what salvation feels like through him. And it’s an overwhelming, fulfilling pleasure that is unlike anything sexual or physical to my flesh. It goes deeper and reaches down to the very core of my soul. It is like a spring of water welling up to eternal life!

What women wouldn’t want a man to profess his faith, trust, and entire being to her? If the messiah came to me and declared his role as the savior of the world, and I was the first person who bared witness, as an unclean woman, as someone people in this world look down on, I would feel so special and so loved that I would devote my life to Him and wouldn’t give a shit what people thought about me! I would want him to know how grateful I was for his sacrifice to even take the chance to speak to me. I mean he was a Jew! And she was not just a Samaritan woman, but she was an UNCLEAN Samaritan woman. As the messiah, why would he choose her first?

Well, maybe we can discuss that on another episode, because I have a lot to say about the kind of the people Jesus chose to save in his walk and who he chose to walk with for those three years on mission.

How do we worship in spirit and in truth? And what does that have to do with being thirsty?

 I know your probably thinking, “Christina can you get to the point”! Okay Let me jump right back in with this question. How thirsty are you and what are you thirsting for? When I was a kid playing outside it got hot here in Florida. And if I was thirsty, I never asked for a drink of water because I had access to a hose with water that ran freely whenever I felt dehydrated. I could always fill up a cup or drink straight from the hose whenever I wanted. Thirsty in today’s generation means something a little different. The new urban dictionary describes it as “validation and attention”. And people today, women and men usually take a sexual approach to get that attention. It is not unusual to see thirst traps on social media. In fact, it’s the new norm for gaining a following.

In Mathew 7: 7-8 it says, “Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open to you”.  To break this passage down I’d like to first get us to understand that Jesus is Spirit and the truth. We have to also acknowledge that when he left this world in the flesh, he left us an advocate which he called the holy spirit.

Whatever the desire of your heart is, you are to ask for it in Jesus’ name, and then seek until you find it, and then there is one more step, you must knock until the door opens. The way I have always looked at this passage and put it into action was to “want whatever the desires are that he puts on my heart like an addict wants his next fix”. In other words, be thirsty enough to go chase after what you want. But do it in the spirit and in truth so that you have a spring of water that surges up into your soul and nourishes you to eternal life. You can’t do this by being thirsty for fleshly things. Let me just say that. You do this by living a life present with the sprit and walking in the truth.

First you have to realize…YOU pick and choose all your relationships, you choose those jobs, you go to those places, you spend your money and buy those things that hold no real value, you post those images and send those texts, and you make all the choices you make without concern of the future consequences. You pick the things that are toxic, they don’t lift your spirit up. I want you to realize today that you have a choice to change the things you hate about yourself.

It’s okay to enjoy Life and enjoy Sex

You have become so attracted to trauma that when things are going well and you find a nice guy, but there is no major drama going on, it becomes boring for you. You’ve become so used to the trauma that without the distraction of chaos you feel bord, lonely, and complaisant. We live in a society that is turned on by abuse! Why are we so attracted to drama and trauma? Have you noticed narcissism is on the rise? Everyone is a freaking narcissist! It’s ridiculous.

Most people today have an entitlement mentality. Most People will easily benefit themselves at the expense of hurting others! And I would go as far to say everyone wants recognition! And a lot of people today feel threatened and get angry when someone doesn’t agree with their politics, theories, philosophies, or belief systems. This is narcissism at its core. I’ve come to realize that everyone, and I mean everyone, has some narcissistic tendencies. We want control. We need control. Fight, flight, or freeze is human nature. There is no training that could subdue that.  And if there is, someone who can, please direct me to the one who can take me down that path. So far, the closest I’ve been through Jesus. But I still fall short.

They make movies like 50 shades of grey and 365 days and we are so attracted to all the drama. It literally turns us on! We want that kind of controlling and toxic relationship because the media is romancing sexual and physical abuse. We are a species that can adjust to our environment, and we have adjusted to this idea that it’s normal and okay to have abusive, toxic, and same sex relationships. Then when a man comes to a woman and is like super respectful and or doesn’t kiss us on the first date, we think “what’s wrong with me?”. We start questioning if he is gay, married, or if he just saw all of our flaws and eventually insecurity creeps in!

Sex and relationships have lost purpose! So, we are thirsty humans looking for attention any way we can get it.

Now let’s make something very clear right now, I know some of the Gen Z and millennials will say my theory is ancient, but I promise, there is a ton of logic to my madness! Just stay with me for a second!

Sex is supposed to bring two people closer, and in essence it does. There is a thing called soul ties. Just saying! That is why women get so emotionally attached and hurt when a guy has sex with her and then doesn’t call back. Even if he wasn’t that good in bed, didn’t satisfy her, or even if she wasn’t that attracted to him in the first place, she still feels some kind of way. But she will justify her own actions with insults at him. Saying things like “he didn’t even satisfy me”, or “his penis was too small”, or whatever dig she can get at him. Listen, Men do this too don’t let them fool you! I’ve slept with men, and then found myself rushing out of there like a crazy person who just woke up from drunken spiral! Only to get a phone call asking me “why did you leave so soon beautiful? Do you want to go get breakfast?”

But see, if he was distant before we had sex or showed any red flags, I would have stuck it out just to see if I could tame him. But if I know he is one of the nice guys; I assume he would never call back after I slept with him. I’d try to gain control back. Why would he call me back? I just gave up the goods and If I know men, he’s off to the next victim. Unless he’s not! See dating for 7 years and staying single is fun and can be a great learning experience for what you want and don’t want in our next serious relationship. But it also teaches us the meaning of intimacy and the connection two people have during sexual intercourse.

You get to see all the sides of men. And all their similar characteristics and all their different features. You can explore the qualities you love in a man and the ones you don’t. Listen being single for 8 years doesn’t go without it struggles. Especially a woman in her 40’s who is in her prime. Let me just say, It doesn’t go without it difficulties. Thirsty, is an understatement. LoL.

But let me end with this. Life will always have its struggles no matter who you are with. So, it’s not WHO we thirst for, but WHAT we thirst for. If you can get the” WHAT” down, you will eventually meet the “WHO” that aligns with your WHAT.  And when you find that, you will thirst no more. But you will live a life filled with springs of water bubbling up to eternal life for all to witness. You become the living spirt through truth by the example of how you live and have relationships. Remember You can’t have a future sitting around thirsty for fleshly things that offer temporary pleasures when your soul is thirsty for spirit and truth which lasts for eternity.

Okay guys that’s it for today! Come back next week and I will dive into 7 steps and give you some techniques that can help you not only enjoy your relationships while also keeping the sex drives elevated during the duration of your relationship. Let’s get together and find solutions for better, healthier relationships so we don’t have to use thirst traps to get what we really desire. Go forward today, make better decisions tomorrow, and live in abundance.

Where is My Holidate (Part 2)

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

As I was saying, time is our most precious commodity in life. I say “commodity” because I’ve noticed how easily people give up their time. Our time can be bought or given away for free. Don’t waste it on people who devalue their own time, because they will waste your time in the process! When I finally took a moment to breath and be in the moment, my life changed drastically! I not only valued my time, but I respected my own values by not allowing “time wasters” into my life. I spent some time alone with myself figuring out who I was and wo I wanted to be, then some more time figuring out what kind of guy I wanted in my life, and the kind of guy I didn’t want in my life. And when I figured out the kind of life I wanted to live and the kind of person I wanted to be, I realized quickly the kind of guy I actually wanted in my life. I realized very early in the game that the kind of guy I wanted in my life, really wouldn’t like the person I was prior to me working on me. So, I spent the next 5 years becoming the kind of person, “my ideal partner” would not only like but love! Once I did that, I realized I would rather be single then settled. And I no longer wanted to waste my time with men (or people) who would hold no value in the life I wanted to live. See, when you get alone with yourself to actually figure out what the hell you want, you stop wasting time on the people and things that make you miserable! Try to remember this one very important rule: “When you’re miserable so are the people you hang around” 

See, when we get a moment to gain clarity and perspective, our mind and motives, become abundantly clear. Suddenly we get this desire and passion for life, and in the process, we realize how precious our time truly is. Take it from me, when you’ve been single for a while, you never want to lose yourself to someone who doesn’t have the same vision, desire, or values for life, that you hold. Settling is not an option! This feeling is only something you can understand when you’ve spent enough time “alone and happy. That’s right, I said alone and happy! I can’t believe the amount of people in this world that struggle to be alone with themselves, but then they are confused why no one else wants to be alone with them. (smh) If you can’t be alone with you, don’t expect others to want to be alone with you!

Most single, independent women (and men) who have been single for any amount of time, have learned to embrace every season with purpose. One thing I’ve learned being single, is that I can go through struggles knowing I will regain new strength and meaning for each day! It is indescribable how resilient we become once we focus on the big picture. It is not something you can teach but must live to truly understand. Basically, if we can live life clinging to every season with grace and eagerness for more experiences and lessons, then we will live a life filled with experiences and lessons. Try to remember “We grow through what we go through”. We don’t want people in our life that add weight to our already heavy life. Rather, we want someone to come along for the ride with us who can handle the journey, building a life together! Most people who are 40 and up have already been with someone who drove them through hell and back at least once and they refuse to allow that happen again. I did say “most”. But some of you are a glutton for punishment because you never take the time to get over on before you get right on top of another!!! Yes, a little crude, but true. Com ‘on you know I am right! Quite frankly, many women over 40 are tired of cleaning up the damage you had with your ex. So, as the saying goes, “we would much rather be single than settled”.

Truth is that self-sufficient women don’t want someone who can’t handle the struggles of life. Life happens all the time and if a man can’t be strong and walk forward confidently in the struggles, why would she need him? She has been single this long and done just fine! Funny isn’t it, men say all they want is to feel needed, important, appreciated and loved, but most men don’t understand what those things mean to him. Let me also add Girls will not “Give sex for love” guys, that shit isn’t working anymore! We figured out; we love ourselves more and if we’re honest, they have toys that work magic for women today. Just saying!

Here is a prime example of what I am talking about…. I am scrolling through Facebook at 5am and this ad popped up. Obviously, another coaching ad! This female (we will call her Silly Sally) claimed to be offering help to all the “Independent single women who struggled to find a real man”. So, I decided to read into the comments, because there was no way I was clicking that link!

(Giggles) as I ask myself “who the hell told Facebook I was struggling to find a man? Why is this ad in my feed?” (scratching my head, rolling my eyes) “whatever….reading on…”

So, the creator continued to speak of how she was this “Single independent women” who moved and traveled for a year until she met this “great guy”! Then she proceeded to explain how she ended up with him and they moved in together after only 3 months! HELLO! WAIT! WHAT? WTF! Can someone say RED FLAG????!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY!! So quick to move in with each other! So, let me get this straight! This is a “Successful and Independent woman who is selling a program for women to “give up control” so she can be with a real man?” Umm…I’d love to be a fly on the wall at her house today! LOL Listen, real men don’t need you to give up control! Real men want powerful women and visa-versa! Powerful people need each other because they fuel one another. Bottom line! So don’t dumb down your character, tune in to your genius and recognize the red flags early on. Stop dating based on attraction, status, and sex!! There is no way sh learned enough about that guy in just 3 months. Shit like that drives me batty that women follow her and buy into her program because she is claiming to be a dating expert because she met some stranger at the peak of her career while traveling. And now they live together after three months so that makes her a expert? Are you freaking kidding me? That makes her an idiot!!!

Look, Men who find successful women intimidating are the ones will always fight and argue with her because they feel this need to “win”. Those are insecure, ego driven, ass holes with no real purpose in life. It’s very narcissistic. Let me fuel your soul with some wisdom right now…”If you are giving up control for any man, your weak and more codependent than independent! And you will never find your voice hiding behind anyone else’s ego”!

“Where are all the courageous men and all the strong women?”

So, if your single this holiday remember, independent women who want a partner, do NOT want to mother their partner! women, not all men are looking to take advantage of you for their own pleasure. Truth is, there are good and evil people in this world, and you must be one of the good ones to find the good ones, and then weed out the bad ones. I am a hopeless romantic, so I do believe in love. Especially during the holidays. I may not be the writer that believes in “love at first site” and Maybe I don’t agree with “moving in with someone too quickly”, But the magic I foresee goes beyond the basic romantic novels I read and write. I want happiness for myself, and I most certainly want happiness for my readers. But mostly, I want those individuals who feel lonely during the holiday season to find happiness inside themselves. I want more people to live in the moment, find contentment and happiness in their singleness, and discover a new life in the journey. Each person has a little crazy inside them. It’s okay to be strange and unusually. Embrace it, because that could be the very thing that attract your person. I admit it, I can be a little corky sometimes, my belief systems can seem a little “out of this world”, and my obsession with ORGANIC can be a little extreme. But I actually enjoy being single, so I embrace my weird, corky habits and hobbies. Maybe it’s the awkwardness of a first date or the “interview” like process that goes with the first date, that makes me avoid dating at all costs. (Giggles at self) Or it could just be that I want something that comes natural, easy, and leaves me craving more. After 7 years being single, I have never been on a date that has left me craving for a third date. I sadly admit they usually end by then! True story! Definitely a blog for another day.

Inquiring minds still want to know …… WHERE IS MY HOLIDATE?

I know! I Know! I am waiting patiently as well!! So, I guess until Mr. Holidate comes along, we will have to wait another year and see how or who the universe brings our way…

“WHERE’S MY HOLLIDATE”? (Part 1)

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

“They are either really buff and not that bright, or their really bright and have commitment issues”!

Let’s face it, the holidays get closer, and singleness sort of sucks! You want someone sitting by your side during holiday dinners or standing next to you at all those Christmas and New Year’s events. We each have an innate desire for a companion. Whether it be an intimate relationship or just a simple friendship. But no one truly enjoys being alone during the holidays.

Most single women want the kind of man who sees her for who she truly is. A sexy goddess who has internal and external desires, passions, and dreams. Someone who will build her up! Not that confident woman these days “Need” any man to confirm how amazing she truly is! Since she already puts herself on a 100ft pedestal!  But let’s be honest, deep down to the very core of our souls, women (and men) just want the kind of person that adds excitement and value to our life. You know that person that sees you from across the room and knows the perfect thing to say, just to save you from that family member with all the drama. Or the one that helps you avoid those awkward questions about how you are single for the umpteenth year!

But still, I find myself asking this question…”where are all the good men that are worthy enough to bring home for the holidays?” “Inquiring minds want to know”! Where is my “holidate”? Where are the men that have bodies and brains? Where are the men that don’t have commitment issues…? or “mommy issues” or any issues for that matter! Ugh. It feels like more and more men are embracing Christian Grey’s role of being “50 shades of fucked up!!”

Truth be told, it really is exhausting as a single, independent women who is looking for a date during the holidays. Or any days for that matter! When you’ve been single for any amount of time, you can expect questions about your singleness to head your way. As if those lonely holiday events weren’t dreadful enough…Here they come…. WAT FOR IT…

“Why are you still single?”

Are you dating anyone?”

Girl, when are you going to get out there and start dating again?”

 “Don’t you get lonely

“Don’t you get horny

Uh, like seriously! WTF

I can’t tell you how many single, independent women are sick of these questions! YES! We are obviously still single! And YES! We are always (secretly) looking around! And YES! We get lonely…sometimes! And YES! We go on more dates than we’d like to admit! But it is quite exhausting! And while everyone around you is expecting you to show up with a guy, just for the sake of not being the 3rd, 5th, or 9teenth wheel in the room, is even more daunting than going on all those time-wasting dates!Those of you who have been with someone for the last decade, let me just say that dating is not what it used to be. Work it out! Be happy with what you have and make the best of it. You picked him (or her) for some god-awful reason, and you really think you’re in a place to find something better? ha ha ha Think again my friend!!! Because people out here today…. umm not kidding…… I have one word for you…. CRAZY!

People in the dating scene today, are all kinds of mixed up! I don’t know if its the COVID JUICE, or what, but people have no clue what they want, and what they dont want. People in the dating scene are not themselves and don’t know how to act on a date! Dating is just exhausting! Honestly, after going on about 100+ dates, (could be exaggerating just a little…. maybe) I have acknowledged a consistency and pattern with the men I have gone out with lately. For instance, did you know most men actually have expectations for women to fulfill certain needs, wants, and desires? Oh YES! But the real kicker, is that they can’t even figure out what they actually want, need or desire. (Scratching my head and giggling) So basically the expectations they have for their dates, are irrelevant until they figure it out themselves! Insecure and naive women who date these men are bound to fail and will end up losing themselves to these narcissistic animals! If I may be blunt …(as if I  haven’t been already) I feel like most people today run-on greed. The thoughts, actions, and intentions some individuals have today are negative and selfish with underlining motives!  And trust me when I say, “they are never good”! This is because when men and women go on dates, they act so fake right out the gates! So many people today are insecure, and “codependent”! They don’t know how to be themselves around strangers without putting up a front. I just don’t understand it!

To define yourself through someone else’s eyes, only leads to confusion, and unhealthy relationships. What we want in life and what we want in a partner must be known. Furthermore, we must be a representation of what our expectations are. All single people should decide to spend enough time alone to get over their last relationship and also to discover who they truly are without anyone. Who are you before the person?  Are you true to yourself or do you see what is trending and follow all “the cool kids”? Funny how people say they know what they want, but they either follow the trend or expect their partner to “represent” for them. I just wish men would stop sexualizing women, and women would stop downplaying the role of our men! Seriously lady’s, are you wanting a husband or another child? Stop mothering and patronizing men! If Gen X is concerned about why their Generation Z children are in the LGBTQ+++ community, this is why! Uncertainty of thy self, due to pressure of fitting into someone (or everyone) else’s bubble! Or perhaps it’s just shitty parenting skills. Seriously, at this rate I’m going to die alone and single! And honestly, if these narcissistic, needy, “man children” are my only options? Well, at this rate, I’m better off!

I honestly don’t know where we lost respect and boundaries in our dating life, but somewhere along the way we’ve gotten lost. Dating used to be personal and private. It was exciting, flirty, honest, and mostly it was a process. Girls/Women respected themselves and men courted a woman. Adultery was not flaunted around, and most young children (10 and 11 years old) still played with dolls and toys. Not Sex TOYS and BOYS!! I honestly don’t think it is just America either. I do think we have completely downgraded our value and self-worth as men and as women across the globe. Therefore, we have downgraded our standards for our relationships. We don’t date with purpose anymore, we just date for the sake of not being alone and for pure intimate pleasure.

So, how do we find the perfect date for the holidays? Well, if dating in 2021 was like going to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and trying out every flavor but choosing the damn hard candy that only cost .02 cents! (WTF?). Let’s do better on our choices! Seriously? If you were going to choose the cheapest piece of candy, why did you even visit the factory? You could have just gone to the convenience store!! Stop wasting your time! Get clear on who you are, and who you want and don’t want in your life!

COME BACK FOR PART TWO….. FINDING MY HOLIDATE FOR 2022 –

Dating After Divorce

CHRISTINA DITZEL 3 Comments

Photo by Joel Overbeck

Ugh, the dreadful, emotional, roller coaster ride that comes with dating! After spending years with someone you feel, “didn’t understand you at all”! Here you are again looking for that electricity you have been missing out on all these years. And let’s face it, the dating scene after a bad breakup is exhausting, exciting, intimidating, and quite frankly, it is freaking horrifying! Like, we do NOT want to make the same mistake again! Right? So, how can we jump back into the dating scene with full confidence we are going to find that quality person we so desperately desire? And furthermore, how do we avoid all the drama we don’t want? Well, I am about to tell you! Now, before I tell you the “how to” in finding that superior person that is going to value you and know your worth, let me help you see things through a different kind of lens first….

So, here is where I get a little honest with you, hold you accountable, and tell you things you really don’t want to hear! Are you ready? You must realize one particularly important thing before we move into the fun stuff. All those ‘unpleasant’ relationships you found yourself in, well, “YOU PICKED THEM”! Oh yea! I went there! You must realize that you had a part to play in all your messy relationships and all the mistakes that went with them. You must stop blaming the other person for all those reasons you were unhappy and face the fact that you picked her/him! Here is the thing, if you do not value yourself enough to recognize the red flags and acknowledge them before you commit, well the only person to blame for your unhappiness…. Is you! You were the one who agreed to settle in that relationship and accept all those red flags that were so obviously present beforehand. Ask yourself this question, “How much do I value my own worth and my own virtues?” Well if you answered “considerably”, well thats great. You’re a step ahead of most. Now, if you just honestly answered “I have no clue”! Well, maybe before you start dating you should work on spending some time finding value in yourself. Seriously, who will want to spend time alone with you if you don’t like spending time alone with you? Your next “person” will not value you any more than you value yourself. So, “how much do you really value yourself?”

After spending the last 5 ½ years with myself, I have learned to eliminate all of the things I just do not like about myself (i.e., all the unconstructive, destructive things I think, say, and do). And I have learned to focus more on all the things I absolutely love about myself (i.e., all the productive, kind, and beneficial things I think, say, and do). Obviously, we must avoid the former qualities that are harmful and toxic for future relationships. But how? Well, for starters, recognizing the behaviors, ahead of time, that come with those toxic people, is paramount to your success in your next relationship. With that said, I think it is crucial for every person who is getting out of a long-term relationship to spend time focused on their individual relationship goals. That’s right! “Relationship Goals”. It is common for people to adapt to lifestyles, characteristics, hobbies, and/or habits, that go against all their virtues. People adjust to lifestyles they would otherwise not live had they not met there ex. People make adjustments when their in relationships and often develop certain characteristics, or personally traits that develops over time. I sincerely believe that if you do not want negative, toxic people in your life you must eliminate them before you get into another relationship. If you want to experience a fresh start in your next relationship and you want to be healthy and happy, you cannot bring your negative toxic past with you into your future. After all, how can you really be positive when you have the damage of your past relationship still lingering in your head and heart? Lose that mentality now!!! It’s a total mindset shift! I promise if you don’t do this, you will certainly be miserable in your next relationship.

Next, you must cast away all the fears and insecurities that come with reconnecting with new people. Look I know its scary to get back out there. After so much time has past and you are so used to being comfortable with one person and one lifestyle. But you have a choice here. Remain in the old way of dating and find the same thing again (‘insanity’), or find a new way and take a chance to find someone amazing! Remain mindful during your dates. Do not make the mistake of misreading the person because of your own insecurities. Recognize the red flags! Acknowledge that you are entering a toxic situation before you invest too much time. Don’t catch feelings before you find the things that hold value to you. When you recognize the red flags ahead of time, you avoid a lot of headaches later. This is a huge piece of advice that will benefit you in every relationship! Professionally, personally, and romantically.  

When you find the courage to be mindful and recognize the signs, and you become confident in asking all the right questions, without fear of judgment, you will develop a deeper understanding of your date. You will find yourself eliminating what you don’t want and finding all the qualities you do want in a relationship. AND….This is where all the fun starts!

Okay, you do have to watch how you ask questions, and there is a system to this. I go a little more into detail on this in Chapter 6 of my book “Hot Mess to Totally Blessed” which you can get here.

Have Fun!

Look, dating is supposed to be fun! You are going to have good and bad dates. Lets be real! There are some really shady single people out there, and there are some really super amazing single people out there. If you want amazing, you have to be amazing. If you pay attention and your mindful of your own expectations, I believe you will succeed in finding a healthy, happy, amazing, and successful relationship. Dating is a time to sit with someone, get to know them, and interview them, as a way to learn as much information as you can. If you are anything like me, time is precious! So you don’t want to invest too much time talking about things that hold no value in your life or in your future. Meaningless conversations get us no where! I know you have heard this about a trillion times, but try to stay clear of those who spend too much time talking about their past relationships. It’s toxic and it is not moving either of you forward. When you are dating new people, you should both be ready to start new! That means losing all things past. Why are you looking back there anyway? Its over! Get over it and move on! I do not like wasting time and therefore I gather as much information as I can, as fast as I can. The early stages of getting to know one another should help you get a feel for their character, their values, and their intentions. What are their dating goals? What are your dating goals? Get this out there quick and be as specific as possible! if you don’t have dating goals, you better get some honey! Because your going to be headed for disaster if you don’t!

Also, make your date feel comfortable. I don’t care if its a good or bad date, both party’s must feel comfortable. Again, this is suppose to be fun. Your not making a commitment. That’s why its call “dating”! Dah! So, tell a little about yourself and ask a little about them. The flow of conversation should always be moving you both forward, wanting to learn more about each other, and most important learning something new about yourself. Obviously, there is a system to this and this doesn’t always come easy for everyone. Especially if you’re an introvert. You really have to be self-aware. You cannot just send a text when they’re sitting next to you. And you can’t write down a bunch of questions on a sheet a paper and say, “hey can you answer these questions?” Like Seriously? Let’s be real!

I know things have changed in the “millennial days”, but somethings must remain. “Connection between two people”. I mean that is the goal here right? Your date is not going to fill out a survey for you! So get over it and embrace the world of physical, mental, and emotional connections. I hate to break it to you, but if you want to meet someone real, you eventually have to let your guard down and meet them face to face! People who are genuinely looking to start a new relationship, are not wasting too much time texting. They are talking on the phone and they are having real connections.

Now go off, meet new people, get yourself out there and find your person! You have a baseline of what you want in a relationship and you have the ability to weed out all the relationships that will hold no value in your life what-so-ever! If your looking for more ways to self awareness or dating advice you can grab my book today for only $14.99 here.

For now, have fun! Be confident and date with purpose! Dating after divorce can feel daunting in the beginning, but after a little practice, you will become more and more comfortable and confident. Confident in yourself and confident in your choices of dates! Always be yourself, know what you want, and remember, its not whats at the top of the mountain its the journey that takes you there.

WHY YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIPS SUCK!

CHRISTINA DITZEL Leave a comment

Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

Do you ever wonder why all your relationships end up repeating themselves with the same stressful, draining, drama filled people? Well we all go through this. I literally lay down two easy steps that you can take right now to prevent this from happening ever again.

Listen up, because I am here to tell you that starting right now, your relationships can be, “life giving” and not “life sucking”! I’m not just talking about your dating relationships. I’m talking about all the relationships you have professionally and personally.

Truth be told, the reason behind all the “drama” in relationships, is because we have lost total control of who we are as individuals. Everything we know about relationships is BS. We are taught by our parents what relationships look like, we are influenced by media (TV, Facebook, Vacation Ads, Marketers, etc.) on what relationships “should look like”, and we are more connected to technology, then we are with our own human species. We have literally lost totally connection to our own being, and yet we wonder why we are so unhappy. We wonder why there is war in the world, yet we do these 5 asinine things daily:

“5 Asinine things we Do daily”

  1. We walk out our doors and flick people off who drive too slowly or cut us off.
  2. We yell at people who are texting and driving, yet we text and browse the internet while driving.
  3. We get angry when we get stuck in traffic, even though we know there will be traffic.
  4. We yell at other people when things don’t go as we expected.
  5. We are screaming just because it somehow gives us pleasure to lash out at other people.

What is that all about anyway? When did it become a “trend” to be disrespectful? I am not kidding! The human race has lost all respect. In fact, we’ve not only lost the concept of respect, we use the word “respect” in a disrespectful way. We use it to get leverage.

OH, FYI, if You don’t know who I am and this is your first time here, let me introduce myself. “Hi, I am Christina, AKA Organic Tina. I don’t sugar coat shit, but I will help you find solutions!” Embrace yourself, because it’s about to GET REAL UP IN HERE…”

We have NO SELF RESPECT and We DON’T RESPECT OTHERS

Why do our relationships suck? Um, excuse me? Hello? Do you see the problem here? We have become an over reactive species. Our relationships don’t work where love is concerned, and they don’t really work in any other area of our life either. We react to everything in the most dramatic way. Our boss can’t give us constructive criticism because we overreact, and when he/she let’s us go, then we overreact again by bashing the boss and saying “how disrespectful they were”. We do the same with teachers, professors clients, kids, parents and the list goes on. We have become so out of touch with “learning ourselves” or “accepting change by listening to constructive criticism” that if people don’t meet our expectations, we overreact and become completely disrespectful. And that brings me to my point….

Your relationships suck, because YOU SUCK!

You are the reason nothing is turning out the way YOU WANT. You don’t sit with yourself long enough to know what you even want. You don’t turn off the TV, put down the phone, stop opening the books, put down whatever it is that you’re in the habit of doing, and just sit in your own thoughts for 5 minutes!

How can you expect everything to go your way? You don’t even know what “your way” is! Let me ask you something, What the hell do you want in a relationship? And are you willing to change to make it work? Probably not. Why should you have to change to make other people happy? Well good news, YOU DON’T! But what you do have to do is these two little simple steps.

1. Write down what you want. That’s right! Go get a pen right now and write down WHAT YOU WANT.

WRITE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW…. What do You Want in a Relationship???

Did you write it down? I’m still waiting here. Go ahead, write it down. Go get a pen and write it down. Hello, did you write it down yet? No, you didn’t! You’re still here reading this article! I literally just gave you the first step to finding your perfect relationship and you can’t even do one simple step! You know what the problem is, YOU! You want to sit there in your pity party, and you want to drag everyone down with you and blame others because you’re not happy in your relationships. You expect everyone to listen to you and you don’t even know what YOU WANT. And all because you can’t take 5 minutes to write down “what the hell you really want in a relationship”.

Now, if you are the exception, and you actually went and took 5 minutes to write down “what you want your relationship to look like moving forward”, then THAT IS AWESOME! You my friend, are heading towards a journey that will bring you clarity in ALL your relationships. That’s right, I said CLARITY in ALL relationships. Look at the list you wrote, and now I need you to do one more thing. And this is going to be the hard part. This is step number 2.

2. REFLECTION

I always say “reflection” is one of the hardest things for people to do. Humans have a really difficult time facing the reflection, when they realize the one thing staring back at them, is themselves. When you write down what you want in your relationships, and you spend time looking over it, you’re literally looking at your own expectations in your relationships. Now, let me ask you this, and please be honest. If you found a person of that stature today, would they like who you are right now? I know that takes a second. Let me say it one more time “If you met your perfect partner today, would they really like the person you are today?”

 I know that sucks! But, truth is, If you are not “A REFECTION OF WHAT YOU WANT” you will always be conflicted, and you will always be in “want”. Right now, you have these expectations about the kind of person you wish your partner was, or the type of person you want to be with, and you struggle to understand why your attracting all the wrong people. When the truth is, you are not attracting the right kind of people, because those people you’re wanting to attract, are not attracted to you! I know that sucks to hear too, but it is the truth.

NOW LET’S LOOK THROUGH A NEW LENZ, SHALL WE?

I am a “problem solver” not a “people pleaser”. (Okay maybe I am still working on the whole people pleaser thing). Regardless, I want to help you begin to lose everything in your life that is TOXIC. But I am not going to sugar coat it to get you there. I want to help you engage with the people who are Beneficial for “YOU”. You are special and you are unique! I want to help you embrace your uniqueness. Each and every one of us has a design, and each design has a purpose. With that said, Let’s get you in a place of clarity….

HOW CAN I BEGIN TO HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS?

So, you wrote down all the qualities of the person you would like in your life, right? Did you reflect on the character of the person you want, and the person you are right now? What does that look like to you? How do you look in that relationship, as you are right now? You must get this! Obviously, you really don’t mesh well with the person you are looking for or you would not be reading this article. But you also don’t mesh with the one’s you do find creeping into your life. You must look intently at that list, (who do I want in my life, and who don’t I want in my life) and look intently at yourself. Now ask yourself this very important question: “How can I become the type person I want to be with?”

THE ACTION YOU HAVE TO TAKE

That’s right, you have to become the kind of person you want in your life. The people you are currently attracting, is “YOU NOW”. But what does “FUTURE YOU” look like? You must become your future self! I promise you that once you become satisfied with yourself, and your own circumstances, the person you find yourself with, will actually “add” to your life, rather than “drain” your life. This person will make you feel even better and build you even higher than you build yourself. Listen, you know that “peddle stool” everyone talks about? Well, this person will put you on one of those, but even higher than you put yourself. I know you don’t put yourself on a peddle stool at all right now, but eventually you will! That is, if spend time to get to know yourself.

 So, starting today write down the kind of person you would like to find standing next to your future self. Don’t allow anymore toxic relationships to come into your life and your relationships won’t suck. You can’t blame other people because you make your own choices in life. We live in a very big world. There are many different styles of life. What style of life do you want to live? Are you living in a way that expresses the lifestyle you want in a partner? Probably not! And that is okay. You have learned so much from every relationship you have already been in. You know exactly what you DON’T WANT. So, write that down! Acknowledge that so you can see it coming back into your life when you meet new people. You don’t have to be rude, but you also don’t have to settle.

So, in closing, find yourself and complete yourself first. If, and when you find a partner, he or she will complement your character. They will add to your already perfect life. They will encourage and build you up. Don’t allow people to trick you into doing what you don’t want or living in a way you’re not comfortable with. You know what your expectations are “RIGHT NOW”, you know the lifestyle you want to live tomorrow, and you’re aware of the lifestyle you don’t want to live anymore. So, stop getting into relationships with people who live in ways that conflict with these morals. I don’t care how “HOT” he is, if he doesn’t know how to manage money, he is NOT FOR ME! If he smokes and has habits that I don’t, HE IS NOT FOR ME! If he doesn’t live what “I see as healthy” he is not for me. If he doesn’t like ORGANIC, he is not for me……the list goes on. Stop settling for guys (or girls) who are not in alignment with your morals. Bottom line!

If you need more advice in other areas of your life, please comment below, grab my book “Hot mess to totally blessed” on Amazon Today or join my channel on YouTube. This is how you begin your journey into an abundant life. By taking actions and embracing the unknown adventures. Living in abundance is a choice…

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