In my last post I talked a bit about the importance of hygiene, so I won’t ramble about this much today, but I do think hygiene is so important to our health & wellness. It’s also especially important for our confidence in our sex life. I can’t tell you how many articles I have read about celebrities who don’t bathe. It is kind of grouse when you think about it. Could you imagine having to be on set with these smelly humans during a sex scene? Imagine a porn star not showering for a week. And now imagine how many partners they had in that week of roles they had to play in. Like, when we watch movies, we think it is so romantic and let’s be honest, some of the sex scenes on the tv are very graphic and intriguing. But think about this for a second. Imagine being the one to play a role with another person who hasn’t showered in a week. Would you want to get up close and personal with them? You couldn’t pay me enough money to costar in a scene with such people! I’m sorry…not sorry!
Now before I get into the actual steps you need to take to embrace your true inner goddess, let me offer you some suggestions for hygiene, healing, and just organic remedies that will make you look, smell, and feel amazing! This Greek Organic Skincare kit is amazing. Just look at the reviews yourself. It’s a must have! I have been really devoted to essential oils and eating an organic diet because I have seen the benefits of using what is natural. “God made, not manmade! If you know what I mean!” I have soft, scar free skin because I use things that work for me. And not necessarily the most expensive products either. Like I absolutely love Palmers and my daughters, and I use all their products. It’s very affordable and I can get it anywhere I go! After having two daughters and having gained and lost weight several times over the years, I can honestly say, I have no stretch marks. Diet does matter too. I drink lots of water and no soda or sugary drinks. But wine and yogi’s herbal teas are my weakness! Yes, occasional I’ll even have a scotch with honey! Such a great night cap!
But overall, I pay attention to the things I put IN AND ON my body. Remember ladies, your body is your temple. I don’t know where you live, but here in Florida, it’s steaming hot most, if not all of the time. You can’t afford to go a day without a shower. You can literally shower and walk outside and I swear you smell like a wet dog 10 minutes later. The air here is so thick, wet, and humid! It’s disgusting. But I have lived in other places, and summers are just hot. Basically, if you don’t shower daily, you don’t smell good and if you neglect your hygiene what else will you neglect? I am just saying! I will tell you this, I have been to work cleaning all day and my daughters will always try to come and give me a hug and a kiss and tell me how good I smell. So, I must be doing something right!
EMBRACING YOUR INNER GODDESS
Listen, if you want to really embrace your inner Goddess, you need to feel good about yourself, and part of feeling good about yourself, is smelling good! I could not imagine being a celebrity who spends thousands of dollars on perfumes or other products just to use them on a dirty smelly, sweaty body. So, you’re trying to cover up your odor, so you smell good, but you won’t shower first? What’s the point? What is the big deal? Just get into the shower. I can tell you this spraying some cologne on yourself, doesn’t’ work! Your stench is overbearing the perfume. And when you don’t bathe after sexual activities, you’re only creating a unhealthy hygiene regimen for yourself and most likely causing bacteria infections to build up!
Okay, let’s get off the hygiene kick I’m over it and you get the point! Let’s get down to real work and discover your inner goddess! Shall we? Some women really don’t even like sex. I mean it’s great in the beginning but then he stops pursuing you, and it gets boring. Or he gets clinging, and you push him away. Then he ignores you and you start questioning his motives! Like “Are you cheating on me?” or “Why don’t give me any attention anymore?” Like, my only question is this lady’s, “Why, are you looking for men who don’t match you or your values?” In fact, do you even know what you want in your relationships? I mean, have we forgotten that we need to have some sort of similarities in our foundation for life’s basic values! Why would you continue to force yourself to appear as this sex goddess when you don’t even like sex that much! And you get bord with sex and men easily? You need to figure out why you’re so attentive in the beginning stages of dating, and why you get so uninterested and all of a sudden your relationships get repetitive. Did you ever think, maybe, you’re giving off the wrong vibes and sending the wrong messages to all the right people and giving them permission to destroy your confidence?
Maybe just maybe, you’re sending all the right messages to all the wrong people in your dating life! And do you know why? Most likely, it’s because you never take the time to be alone long enough to know what you even want in a relationship. You have become so uninspired by your own desires because your desires became their desires. Your relationships are repetitive and mondain because you settle for what you think they want and you’re most likely a people pleaser. And this is common for women today. We want people to like us! We think the competition is higher because of all the thirst traps online and end up settling for fear of being alone! We NEED to feel accepted. But listen ladies, if I have learned anything in my 46 years of being on this earth, its this:
“You’ll never please everyone because people are fucking miserable! And most people don’t even know what they want so how can you please them? My happiness means more to me than yours!” Do you know why my happiness means more to me than anyone else’s? No, it’s not just because I am being an asshole and trying to take control of my life, although that is part of it. Because I think it is important that we have “self-control” (Control of thy self). But the truth is, I have stopped caring how people think and feel about me, because…
- #1 It’s exhausting trying to please everyone!
- And #2 if I am happy in all my decisions, and in all areas of my own life; I am a better mother to my children, a better friend to my true friends, a better daughter, a better sister, a better coworking, a better employee, and a much better person in this world.
Do you get my point? Every area of our life in every single season would be so much better off if we would just listen to ourselves and not worry about anyone else. I am serious about this. We MUST discern who we allow to feed into us. Even our kids, family members, and friends.
Listen, to get in alignment with your inner goddess, you have to stop doing things because you think it’s going to attract attention from others. You’re just attracting all the wrong attention and that is why you hate your own character! You do things you hate, your sex drive suffers, and your relationships fail. Did you ever notice after 3 or 6 months of like feeling really good about life and feeling like you’re smooth sailing through season after season, then all of sudden BAM! Things go to shit! And your like “What the fuck just happened?
Well, you have to ask yourself, “how did I get here?” Like, you really have to sit with that thought for a good few minute even an hour or a day! Don’t let that thought slide past you! Sit with that thought long enough to figure out how you got to where you are in each season, so you never find yourself in that position again! I know when you’re going through it, time seems so significant, but honestly, time doesn’t matter as much as reflection and clarity.
We call the first few months of a relationship the honeymoon stages and this the time frame In which we say it supposed to be exciting, right? But if you can’t live a happy life and have good communication by standing your OWN ground in the beginning, in the middle and in the end, you will never find true happiness in your heart. Stop trying to change your character to fit into other people’s bubble and stop thinking about time as if it has some significance. Because at the end of the day, if you’re not working on you and making good decisions for yourself, those same people you invested time into, will leave you standing on the end of a building and push you off with no regret, no remorse, and no concern for how you landed. injured, or barely alive you have to pick yourself back up off that floor and get your life back on track! And the time you spend picking yourself up would have had no real significance if you’re not making better decisions and learning and growing as you move forward. Think of all the time you wasted up to this point! Now imagine all those times you wanted to do something but didn’t because you gave control to someone else. I think it’s funny how people don’t think of time until they’re in a crunch where they have to grind or make a drastic move all of sudden. The bottom line here is, you can’t allow people to push you over the edge and you have to stand on your own two feet. Because most people don’t really care about you unless it benefits them in some way.
And if that is true, do you want a life spent benefiting others or yourself?
BEING SELFISH IS HEALTHY
I know what your thinking! “Christina, is it really okay to be selfish? Do you really want to tell people this? And my answer is YES! This is where we talk about being a little selfish for the people who don’t know how to say no and like to “people please” all the time! You’re constantly hurting yourself for the benefit of others and it’s unhealthy! To embrace your inner Goddess, sometimes you have to be a little selfish! So, the first way to embrace your inner Goddess, is to stop being scared of people who won’t even stick around, and don’t belong in your future in the first place! And the only way to do that is to put yourself above others! FYI the bible talks about this too!
“Love thyself first then thy neighbor!”
If you ever want to spend 10, 20 30+ years in a solid happy relationship, that expresses blissful intoxication year-round, and you want to be treated like the Goddess you are, you need to reevaluate how you evaluate yourself and others. Did you hear what I said? You need to reevaluate how you evaluate yourself and others!
And then you can assess how you date! If you don’t know how to handle adversity in your own life and you get into a relationship, that also doesn’t know how to handle adversity, (because at this point your settling with the wrong people due to your irrational decision making and you don’t know how to choose relationships that are healthy) that relationship won’t be able to stand on a firm foundation. The ground which is your values or lack of is a mushy, wishy-washy foundation! And so, the house you think is a home collapses and you get sucked under all the time. Your problems are so big that you and your partner end up going to bed mad, no intimacy at all, and then there is a serious lack of communication and respect in that relationship. Not to mention sometimes there are kids involved. And now your wishy-washy foundation becomes this toxic environment for your children and now the little people suffer. Which is why we have now found ourselves in a generation with a bunch of people who are having identity crises!
It never ends. I’d reconsider how you do relationships! But to know how you form relationships that will benefit you rather then hurt you and your future, you must embrace your inner Goddess before the person!
Let’s make one thing very clear for those listeners who have anxiety, depression, or a wishy-washy ideology. Life gets hard! That is inevitable! Life will happen! That’s reality! If you are over 25 yrs. old suck it up and get your shit together man! This generation is so depressing! Every season can’t be unicorns and rainbows. If you are ever going to enjoy your relationships and have healthy intimate relationships with your partner, you must know what pleases you!
YES! What excites you? What drives you crazy? What gets you in the mood? And ladies we need to get very clear on all the things that completely turn us off! That’s right, I said it! Why do you allow your partner to touch you or do things you’re not into? Just because you think by pleasing him, he will stay with you. I hate to be the one to break it to ya’, but if you’re not connected with your partner physically, emotionally, spiritually, and verbally your relationship will always be lacking and will be uncomfortable for you. This is why I say it is so important to know what you really do like and don’t like and the only way to know that is to explore your own body. Stop making relationships and sex weird and stop trying to fit into what you think others want from you. If you really want to embrace your inner Goddess, you have to get clear on what that means. What does a Goddess mean to you. How does she smell, how does she look, how does she walk, dress, and carry herself? What do people think of her and what is she doing to give off those vibes? You need to be clear about the kind of person you want to be, but also know the kind of person you are today. If there is no growth between the person you are today and the person you’re going to be tomorrow, the problem isn’t people, it is you!
I remember going to my OBGYN and I went in concerned about a possible prolapse. And my doctor did the exam and he said I was fine. He knows I am very self-aware of my body, but he also knows I am a visual learner. So, he had the nurse grab the mirror and told me to hold it up! He began to show me my beautiful little flower I had feared to look at after my 2nd daughter was born. Now, mind you, inside I am dying! A few days prior, I heard of women doing this as an exercise to embrace their body, their beauty, their sexuality, and all that good jazz! But I had never done this. And if I am honest It made me very uncomfortable.
I am literally laying with feet in stirrups, legs spread out, and my male doctor talking to me while sitting crotch view! Who by the way knows my vagina better than I do and now he is going to make me look as he explains to me the medical & cosmetic procedures that could take place if I chose. If I am hot (honest, open, and transparent), at this point I have not looked at my vagina like this since my second child. I will tell you this, I looked right after my first kid, and I never looked again. And when my partner would go down on me, I was a little self-conscious. Advice for you young girls, don’t ever look at your vajayjay until you’ve had time to heal! LOL! And, keep in mind, there are simple procedures to make your lady parts look like that beautiful flower it once was if and when you decide to do that.
Listen, the point here is not the aesthetic of my vagina! The point is, I didn’t realize how insecure I was about it until I was actually put in a potion to talk about. I promise you will never find true love or true happiness in having a real genuine relationship, until you embrace all the things you think are flaws about yourself, and you talk about it. Because when you face the things, you don’t like about yourself, you’re able to change them. And this allows you to give yourself grace and the peace of mind you need to embrace all of you as you are. How do you expect your partner to know your body, mind, and soul; when don’t you know your own body, mind, and soul? Furthermore, how do you expect them to love all of you when you don’t love all of you? Men, and women, are not mind readers and we have to stop expecting others to read our body language when we are sending out mixed messages!
And can I just add to those of you who use thirst traps to get attention, your thirst traps don’t fool anyone! We all know you’re looking for attention. We know your insecure! But ask yourself this one question; “is that the attention you truly want?” Stop placing expectations on people you get involved with to solve your personal issues! Know your pleasures and understand your pains! Because when you are not even aware of these things yourself, you can’t articulate yourself clearly to others. And so the person they think they are falling in love with isn’t even in there.
LET’S GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT
Let’s talk about how we express ourselves for a second. How do you express yourself? I think it’s fair to say that most men love it when we talk to them and tell them what drives us crazy in the bedroom. Some men like dirty talk and others just want to really know what they can do to drive you wild. This boosts their confidence and their egos, and we should want to give that to them as their partner. Listen, you tell a man where you like to be touch, and you better believe he will find every opportunity to ignite that flame in your candle every night! You need to grab his hand and tell him how to touch you! Tell him how to lick, kiss, and caress your body! Show him the road map to your pleasure and he will find a way to do that over and over and again and again. I promise! If you give a man the confidence, he will support you and be loyal in every manner.
Listen, real man will come back for more just because he likes the way you challenge him and when he sees the results of that challenge, he becomes satisfied. Men enjoy challenges! It is self-satisfying for them. It’s in their nature. So, if you keep it interesting by testing the limits, he will stay interested and most likely won’t go anywhere else. Now there are the exceptions of those narcissistic A ‘holes who are just who they are. But this is why you need to know exactly what you want so you don’t settle, and you’ll see the red flags of a narcissistic or an abusive, jealous, controlling psychopath. The hardest part is not reading those red flags and not getting familiar with the signs. The hardest part isn’t even “recognizing them”! The hardest part is NOT disregarding the red flags when we see them.
Okay women, so let’s get into the real reason you came here today!
How do you embrace your inner Goddess
Besides the fact that you must be self-aware, and you have to take care of your mental health and physical well-being, you have to date yourself. Now I get it, sometimes this is hard because when you are walking in your confidence and sitting there trying to be alone, there is always that one guy who has the courage to approach you. It’s like, “dude do you see me on my laptop right now?” I get it! It sucks. This past weekend I just experienced this exact moment. I was laying poolside, quietly working on the material for this podcast when this guy approached me. He sits down next to me and starts this long conversation. But ladies, as hard as it is, sometimes it’s better to say “look I am really working on something, and I don’t really have time to talk” rather than engaging in conversation. Because the second you engage, you’re locked in and they never leave you alone. Remember this lady’s, “People pleasing, is not a quality of a Goddess!”
When we think of a goddess we think of power, assertiveness, self-control, elegance, and grace. We might also think humility but yet still contained and confident. So, here are some qualities that I think if we could inherit, we could discover not only our inner Goddess, but we can find the person who stands in front of you as a reflection of everything you want, everything you are, and everything you know you can become.
- #1 BOUNDARIES! To become more powerful, you have to be assertive, and to be assertive you have to have boundaries in place. To build boundaries is hard I know it’s like, where do you even start? Okay, let me help you! Let’s start with some questions.
What do you do that you hate? We all do things we hate. For me, I struggled for a long time to tell people no! So, I know this now, but I also know that when I am sober minded it’s easier for me to be forward and stand my ground than it is when I have had a few drinks. So, my boundaries may include avoiding drinks around certain people in certain places so that I can stand confidently and firm. The key is to stand within your boundaries without derailing yourself by going outside those boundaries. This is why it is better to build boundaries for yourself based on your personal flaws and things you know you do or say or how you act in certain situations. To know your character is to NOT enable people to force you into doing something, or having conversations about things you don’t really want to have.
Having boundaries means having standards for yourself and holding true to those standards no matter who’s feelings get hurt. You know what boundaries are? “Boundaries are the limits you will or will not cross at any given moment”! What is your limit? What is the one thing or several things, you do that you don’t want to do anymore? Maybe it’s giving into a certain family member. Or maybe its letting people at work take advantage of you. Do you find yourself always picking up the slack for others? Stop doing this! First of all, it’s not fair to you or your soul to sell yourself out. And second, you’re not doing them a service by not holding them accountable for their actions. Having boundaries means getting clear on the things you will and absolutely will not accept in your life anymore!
So what are the things you will not accept anymore? And what are the things you won’t do anymore? Don’t be disappointed when you mess up. Just get a handle on it and do better next time. Recognizing what you’re doing is the first step. Consistency is the step that makes it feasible to build boundaries that get you in alignment with your soul, body, mind, spirit. And when you tune into that, forget it, you’re deadly! But this means you have to hold people accountable while also holding yourself accountable.
- And this brings me to #2 Accountability!
This is a hard one I know! Holding people accountable and holding yourself accountable sucks. It’s not the easiest thing in the world to do. And people don’t like to admit when they are the ones that have to change and they definitely don’t like reflection. Especially when that reflection stands between who we want to be and who we really are! It’s so much easier to keep pointing the figure at everyone else, but the truth is, we make our choices. And we always have a choice! We might not like the choices we have in front of us, but we always have a choice, and we are always faced with new decisions where we can make new choices!
Holding ourselves accountable means choosing to make decisions that are hard today, but so much better for us tomorrow. We know in our heart, mind, and soul when we make choices if it’s the right choice, or the absolute wrong one. Here is how you know how to make good choices.
You choose to do what is difficult but provides a better version of YOU in the long run. It might be a decision that feels wrong today. Maybe people will be hurt. But if it gives YOU PEACE: Than you know it is the right choice. Listen to me! Being a little selfish is required in life. And being selfish means doing things that might hold others accountable for their own actions. Selfish also means standing your ground on your boundaries, not straying from them, and holding firm to your decisions without fear, guilt, or shame getting in the way.
Now let me also say this, when you begin taking control of your own life, it is going to bring up some fear, some guilt, and even some shame. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT! If you are making a decision and know it gives you a little more peace in your life today, but benefits you in the long run, you need hold firm to that choice! So many times, in life we make choices for ourselves because we think it’s better for everyone else. But we end up suffering because we sacrifice so much for other people without considering how it affects us. And when we do this, we don’t realize it but we are actually hurting those people we are trying to serve because were putting ourselves in a predicament where we’re never happy. And while happy people are healthy people, unhappy people create unhealthy environments. And so, when you’re making hard decisions you have to remember to save yourself first, because you take yourself with you in and out of those environments with those people that you are affecting.
This is why the airplane theory is so important! “YOU MUST put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can put it on your child or loved ones”! Because you’re suffocating yourself and when you die, you kill all those people who you carried. All those people relying on you will end up lost without you if you don’t start holding them accountable for their own life! You have to hold yourself accountable for your life. Each and every one of us is responsible for 1 person and to know who that person is, all you have to do it look in the mirror!
So, you can’t go carrying people around when you can’t even stand up and walk by yourself! And you don’t need people who continue to put weight on your shoulders. You will never discover your inner Goddess if you continue to lack accountability. Accountability for yourself and for others! So, stand tall, head up, shoulders back, and walk in full confidence in yourself and in all your decision making without regret or scarcity.
The one thing I have noticed is that we have to feel a sense of self because that is where true happiness and joy come from. What is self and how do you get the sense of self? It’s your personality, it’s your character. How do banter in your mind back and forth with your own ego and your natural nature? It’s your behavior alone and around people. It’s accepting the person you see in the mirror and knowing what you see may not be what others see, so you decide to become that reflection so they can see what you see. The sense of self is embracing your true self, without the worry of others but with an understanding of others and how they perceive the world around them. It’s discernment and compassion but also assertiveness and disposition that is consistent with your nature.
EMBRACING THE SELF MEANS EMBRACING DESIRES
How can you enjoy sex if you’re not engaging with your partner and communicating that he doesn’t touch you or speak to you the way you need and want to be touched and spoken to? Embracing yourself means embracing your desires so that the people you’re around know how you engage with you. For example, if you know how you receive love and respect, you can express that verbally or physically. Sexually, if you know what feels good, you can show him the road maps that will guide him and eventually lead to your climax.
When we are in a relationship with someone, we enjoy knowing what makes them tick, and what doesn’t. No one likes the guessing game when it comes to intimacy or emotions! It’s not fun! Did you ever wonder why he wasn’t getting hard during sex? What happens? You end up insecure and your mind begins to race, and the moment of romance and intimacy is gone instantly! Maybe your lack of communication would be a good place to start here! Ladies don’t put pressure on your men! That’s not cool and it doesn’t help them get in the mood! Guide them gently! Be assertive in that you want intimacy but don’t be aggressive and angry when he messes up. Show him how NOT TO MESS UP before you get intimate, rather than pointing it out when in the middle of it. How you express yourself matters. So, how do you express yourself? This brings me to my last point!
WHO DO YOU SAY YOU ARE?
- Last but not least the way to embrace your inner Goddess is #3 it’s to believe you are who you say you are and hold true to that!
What you say about yourself matters! I can’t say this enough, but the words we use matter. The words we hear come out of other people’s mouth and into our ears, matter! YOU MATTER! Again, you have to be a little selfish in this world! Because if you don’t boost the ego inside yourself, someone else’s ego will always take advantage of your innocence. And then you will end up being pissed because people keep mistaken your kindness for stupidity! Don’t be gullible and people won’t treat you like you’re naïve.
Listen, so many Christian people won’t agree with this analogy, and that is fine. But the truth is we are all on a different journey and my journey is not yours. But we have to realize if we want people to accept us, we can’t act, walk, talk, or move through this life the way everyone eels does or the way they expect us to. Because that is just duplicating what they think is real and this discounts our value. But I believe no one person has,, nor should they ever have, control of another person. From your sex life to your personal life, and from your family life to your professional life, I don’t think anyone should make decision for you in these areas. I believe everyone has an inner goddess inside them that wants to crawl out. All we have to do is be aware of what parts of us we want to keep around and which ones we want to lose! Realize that it’s unhealthy for our mental health to just sell ourselves out!
So, if you want to embrace your inner Goddess you must learn what that means and looks like to you. Be A LITTLE SELFISH! Build some real boundaries for yourself! Make them realistic and stand by them no matter what! Hold yourself accountable and the powerful, assertive, self-controlled, elegant, and graceful being I know lives inside you. And remember, always think humility but still remain contained and confident.
Until next week, embrace your inner Goddess and be blessed!
