Hello guys and thank you so much for tuning out the noise and tuning into todays’ blog. This month we are talking about sex and relationships. If you’d rather listen to the podcast please go to Zen Lenz Media or go to any Podcast app. (If you can’t find me on let me know and I will direct you) I think it’s important to discuss sex because we live in a society where sex is consuming us. We have people struggling with porn addiction and sexual harassment and sex in relationships has been tainted. So, when I say, “How thirsty are you?” I hope this question makes you reflect on yourself and how you view sex rather than what the world says about it.

Listen I am going to start off on a downer, but that is what Zen Lenz Media is all about! It’s Looking at our reality and getting perspective so we can look at our life through a new lens. By doing this we can overcome and transform ourselves and our life. I have to speak about sexual abuse first because many of us have experienced some sort of sexual abuse and we push it down and never deal with it and it consumes us. We wonder why our relationships don’t work, and I am here to help you face some of the demands that might help you understand why you act the way do, AKA “ACT SO THIRSTY”, and also look at the reasons all your relationships fail or are unfulfilling.

Now, I know what it is to suffer sexual, physical, mental and substance abuse but I also know the power of overcoming the things that kept me stuck and attached to those things. The one thing we can have control of is our mind and our body!!! It just takes one choice and one action to change our life forever! And choices begin with a mindset shift.

So let me ask you this, when you think of thirst, what does your mind tell you that you’re thirsty for?

Sex and sexual Abuse

Listen beautiful people, this is a hard topic, but I am starting with this before I get into the juicy stuff, because too many people don’t want to face their past trauma. And I feel like it’s no surprise that many of us have experienced sexual trauma as children. I mean our society is promoting sexual harassment just by allowing transgender men into women’s bathrooms. We get into these cycles of moving on and living in the moment, and we never find happiness in anything we do. We’re all pretty self-aware, enough to realize that facing our trauma brings it to the surface. But when our past traumatic experiences are not delt with they enter in and out of every relationship we have. Some people don’t even realize they’re doing this. But hopefully today you will come to the realization and make the appropriate adjustments. So, let’s work on this for second.

            TRUTH IS: when we experience trauma and we push it down and ignore it, that just gives it space to fester into behavior patterns as we get older. And every time we get hurt, it brings up another experience that again, gets pushed down and turns into behavior patterns.  And we continue to stuff, stuff, stuff, down all our feelings and emotions. Then, when we find someone who isn’t intentionally trying to hurt us, we explode all our stuff onto them assuming they are like everyone else. And why do we do that? Well, because one little word, or one little action triggered our subconscious mind back to a memory of a past traumatic experience that we never delt with in the first place!

            Further: when we don’t heal and cope with our past traumatic experiences, we create patterns that keep us attracting the same kinds of people, and we never find relationships with people who build us up. And this is partly our own fault because we didn’t work on our insecurities. We take everything so dam personal and we end up so sensitive to pain, that in our reality, the Lense we look through, is filled with everyone who is out to get us. Even when that may not be the case. What our truth is in our mind, can be distorted if we don’t clear out the clutter in our mind.  

Look I understand trauma from sexual abuse can cause woman (and men) to react toward sex differently. I have heard many stories from young teen girls, grown men, and women I mentor. Although we all experience and react differently, we all feel a loss of control, and the lens we look through which is our reality, is our life constantly spiraling out of control.  But I also know we can overcome the trauma from sexual abuse because I’ve overcome it myself. I can tell you this, “locking it in” is not helping you, because you carry yourself, those experiences, and those problems with you everywhere you go. In an out of every relationship. In and out of every job, every church group, every friendship, and every business deal you make. When you hold on to baggage you carry baggage with you! Unless you release it, forgive it, and change your perspective, the way you think and feel about your life, you will never do anything to change your life.

So, whether you believe it was fate that brought you here, or a divine intervention, I am here to tell you that you can discover life by looking at it from a completely new lens. Sometimes we just need a nudge in the right direction. And that is where I come in! To be your muse is to be your inspiration but also to show you truth and make you face it head on.

Let’s talk about what sex means to you!

Okay so before I give you all the “T” and dive into a juicy story about a woman at the well, let’s talk about sex in relationships for a second!!! I mean, some of you are so thirsty! You’re so thirsty for attention.

So, let’s talk about SEX: Means we have to talk about how you look, feel, and treat yourself before and after sex. Because society and trauma has distorted sex. Which God gave us to enjoy. Its not a freaking sin. We make it sin with our minds. So let me ask you a few questions:

1. Ladies, do you love your body?
2. Do your clothes make you feel comfortable and represent how you feel daily?
3. Are you secure in your own skin?
4. How’s your hygiene?
5. How do you like to be touched and are you comfortable touching yourself?
6. Do you have a pure, clean, and safe view of sex?

Well, here’s the thing, if we, as women have been mistreated sexually and we have not learned to respect and love our own bodies with a certain regard for our own admiration of our body, we disregard our self-esteem and give away approval to anyone and everyone who is willing to give us the slightest bit of attention.  We’re thirsty! Then we become very disappointed when we are ghosted, cheated on, or feel used in some way. Basically, we lose respect for ourselves, and no one ever really respects us, because they never witnessed what respect looks like through our own eyes! Because you’re not making people see you through your lens of respect! Let me explain!

We all have very different perspectives when it comes to respect, love, family morals etc. So, whatever Lenz you’re looking through (your perspective on life) you must be living as an example so others can see through your lens by the way you act, speak, and carry yourself. Because they can’t read your mind, they read your body language and listen to words you speak.

We put all these expectations on men to respect us and have self-control, but we flaunt our body, and speak words that demean our character and the true essence of who we are at the very core of our being.  What I am saying is, “Every time you disregard your own worth, you give away a piece of your soul”.

See, I dated men who have been super insecure, and it drove me crazy! If I am honest, I hated even engaging and having sex with them because of their hesitance to take control. It wasn’t that my sex drive was lacking, it was the fact that I just wasn’t turned on by them. Their character lacked the enticing engagement, that boldness, and that mental substance I required.

When people are depressed and self-engaged there is nothing attractive about them! It’s like everyone is on the hunt for something that brings pleasure and if they don’t get pleasure from one thing, they will move on to something else.

And this is what happens in most relationships today, isn’t it? We don’t get what we want in our current relationship, so we go on the hunt for something or someone who will fill that void.

The women at the Well (John 4)

Okay so, If you’re not familiar with the story of the Samaritan women at the well, you have to go read it!  It’s in the Book of John chapter 4 in the bible. If you don’ read any other story in the bible, go read this one.

Okay so basically it goes something like this:

Jesus is traveling with his disciples, and he wants to stop at the well in Samaria, but they are not even supposed to go that way because they are Jews. But Jesus is Jesus, so the disciples just do what he says. Obviously, He knows this girl is going to be there because, well, he is all knowing, right? So, He sends his disciples into town to get food and then he goes over and sits at the well and waits for this Samaritan woman.

Okay, can I be honest, first time I heard this story I’m thinking “oh Jesus is about to get his freak on because he sent his disciples away, to go eat while he talks to this woman, right?” He planned this meet up, right? Hold up! It gets better….

So, she shows up and is struggling with these huge gallons of water trying to drop them down the well to fetch her water. Like seriously! So back then the women would walk for miles to this well to fetch watcher in these huge clay pitchers. Can you imagine carrying heavy pottery pitchers over your shoulders or on your head for miles in the heat? Not to mention, this particular woman had to go out at noon, in the hottest part of the day because other women in the town didn’t like her because they viewed her as “unclean”.  So, they didn’t want to be seen with her. So, she couldn’t go with them in the early morning when it was cooler.

So now she sees this man sitting there at the well and he has the audacity to ask her for a drink of water!

Excuse me? Okay hold up! I just walked all this way, in the heat of day, with these heavy pitchers, which you don’t even have a pitcher, and you want me to give you one of mine?

Let me remind you that he is not supposed to be talking to her because he is a Jew. And Jews don’t talk to Samaritans. That’s so Racist if I do say so myself…but whatever!

So, Jesus asks her for some water, and she basically said, “ABSOLUTELY NOT”! Jesus answered her, “If you knew who it was that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you “Living water”!

She’s like “what? Excuse me?”

Listen to this. Here is where it gets interesting!

The woman continues to give all these excuses of why she can’t give him any water from the well and they banter back and forth. This probably goes on for about 20-30 minutes, I’m guessing.

She continues, “You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

Here is where we realize how “thirsty” this woman really is …. He replies to her and says: “anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give, will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Now, I am about to help some of you, “thirsty” ladies out there.

Listen, he knows she is living with this man who is not her husband, and he also knows she had 5 husbands prior. He literally reminds her of all the things she has done, but wait because, he does it in a way where he is like:

“I know your thirsty women, let me help you.”

No just kidding…. seriously!Jesus had self-control! Well, that is what we are told anyway! So let’s Chill out! Jesus was not a player!

So, Jesus and this woman, exchange a few more words back and forth, and now she is at his mercy begging for this living water that He claims to have. She like “give me this water so I never get thirsty again and I won’t have to keep coming back here just to get water! Jesus convinces her she needs this living water but then

Then he says: “Okay, Go get your husband.”

“I have no husband,” she replied.

Well dah! He knows that!

Jesus continues: “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you had five husbands, and the man you are with now is not your husband.”

And now she is really offended because of course she isn’t married to the man she is with, so she feels even more unclean! And to top it all off, she just realized she is talking to a prophet! But wait! Because little does she know, she is about to find out she is actually talking to the messiah! The chosen one that these people have been waiting for.

Let’s pause for a minute here because most preachers and teachers want to make it like this woman was some kind prostitute and that is not the case. In fact, if she was an adulterous woman or a prostitute she would have been stones before she even had a chance to marry 2 3 4 and 5 times. So let that sink in. For those ladies who are in abusive or toxic and unhealthy relationships, nowhere does it say we can’t marry more than one man. In fact, many men in the bible had SEVERAL WIVES. So, let’s get that cleared up. Because man likes to twist things to gain power! And how do they get power in the church? By keeping you feeling guilty for all your so called “bad behaviors and sinful nature”, The bible says the Lord was tempted in the flesh and he was God! So he already knows how difficult it is in this flesh. Stop feeling so damn guilty for everything you do. Stop feeling shameful for the things you allowed people to do to you and stop being afraid of people. They have no power over you unless you give it to them.

So now she realizes he is a prophet. The story continues.

Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

I want you to hear this because this is important too!

“Woman,” He says, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews.” 

Okay Jesus is a little arrogant here, but that’s normal for middle eastern men, right? Let’s not read into that too much because he is about to make salvation available not just to her but to everyone.

He didn’t come to abolish any laws he only came for salvation for all but through one.

He continues, “…Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth for, they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks: “God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Did you hear what he just said? In the spirit and the truth. Jesus is the spirit and the Truth.

So, the woman responds. “I know that the Messiah (called Christ) is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.”

Notice, she is not trying to hear him! She is like, when the real Christ comes, he will tell us everything we need to know”. Like you’re not going to tell me anything right now! I am waiting on God!

Like this is some of you right now. God puts someone in front of you to give you a clear message and you ignore it because you think God coming from heavens with loud trumpets, this White hair, and flaming feet, and a sword in hand.  Like, stop making our God a scary looking albino looking for someone to devour! You’re literally making him the devil and you’re becoming the devil in the process! Just saying.

Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am He.”

He wasn’t scary looking. In fact, I see a genuine, handsome, middle eastern man who knew what his mission was from a child, and he is not abandoning that for anyone. But he is here for the salvation of everyone. To give us all hope and a future! You can’t have a future sitting around thirsty for fleshly things that offer temporary pleasures when your soul is thirsty for spirit and truth which lasts for eternity.

So this woman finally starts to get it! I know she had to be freaking out at this point! She just realized this whole time she has not only been talking to this strange man about her “life, but to the messiah! Listen, the world made her feel dirty and sinful about her life. And yet the most clean, pure, self-controlled and lets say handsome, man comes to her and shows her respect, acceptance, and Love. I would drop to his feet if I met a man like that today! And not in a sexual manner, but in a holy, loving, worshiping way. At the end of the day, we all thirst for that kind of admiration. Don’t we? The kind that just bears witness to our real life, the good the bad, the beautiful parts, the ugly parts, along with the unclean and the clean parts that make up who we truly are. We want acceptance for our true being. But not so we stay there! So, we can be held accountable, and move forward into an eternal life of abundance.

See God wants us to be thirsty, but not just for things that hold no real long term value to our personal mission in life. I say this all the time:

“we are all living this life together, but we all experience it differently.

We have to embrace our differences and stop being ashamed of our diversities. We were created in a world full of variety, so we can teach each other, learn from one another, and put the pieces of our life together by the connections that we have, because of those differences. We are supposed to all work together as good and pleasing servants, for his Will to be done! And the only way to do that is to submit to the holy spirit. The spirit of truth.

We can’t change what was already created perfectly. Listen, when I was learning to program, I realized that when creating code for a specific program, I had to be very mindful of every single piece of code. The programs only work when the right procedures are followed. When you’re writing code you have to think of all the users and you have to be giving the right prompts to the program, so the program can send the right response to the user.

If you try to go outside the foundation of the programs code and try to go against what it was built to do, warning signs come up and sometimes the entire system breaks. As the programmer it’s frustrating because it causes us to start over and rewrite some of the code. And although it may take several attempts to get all the code right for one program just to work, once the foundation of the code is set, I could reuse it across any new project or any platform I wanted. It is checked and checked again for flaws until it is perfected. So, remember, you might need to check yourself, and check yourself again before you get to perfection. But it is more likely you reach perfection the more you learn and the more tweak.     

So eventually, the Disciples Rejoined Jesus. They were shocked to see him talking to this woman, but they dare not say anything to him or question Him! I can see the disciples here thinking “Was Jesus just getting his flirt on?”  Like seriously?! LOL!

Like what is going on here! If I were the disciples, I would be asking questions!

Like “if Jesus was so tired and thirsty why did he wait here at the well with this Samaritan woman, who he should not even be speaking to? Rather he should have come into town with us to get food and drink.

And then to top this story off, when the disciples show up this lady runs off into town? Like Really? I have questions!Iknow the disciples had questions! I know Peter was like “Bro, tell me the truth, I won’t tell the other disciples, did you hit that?”

 Like you know when you think of the men Jesus ran with, and you think of the men today, you know their mentality! Nothing under the sun has changed. So, people haven’t changed! There is just more corruption because we have social media which shows us how others are acting and it’s becoming accepted.  But no! The disciples didn’t question him. It says, “no one dared question him”! We do not want him putting his father’s wrath on us, right? Like we saw this man do miracles right in front of us. We do not know what he is capable of! Let’s not make him angry. Let’s just do the right thing today, keep pure thoughts, and move on.

Okay so the story continues: she went into town and tells everyone about this man who told her everything she has done. No ladies, sorry to disappoint you all! She wasn’t into Jesus! He is not her next victim that she is going to sink her claws into and marry him! She was just so excited about the things he told her and couldn’t wait to tell everyone that she might have just been the first to witness of the messiah. “Could this be the Messiah?” she said to all the people in town.

Remember what Jesus said to her:

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH Y’ALL! Hear this please!

This woman ran off so quickly with excitement not only because he told her everything she did, but he comforted her in her convictions of the things she did and made her feel clean again. She knew to the very core of her being, that no one person could make her feel that way. Accept the messiah! When he did that, in their short interaction and time together, she knew in that moment that He was not only the messiah, but that He was the spirit and the truth!

This is such a beautiful story and example of God and his love for us.

There was a point in their banter back and forth where I’m positive she felt so guilty for having all those husbands. But get this, he professed to her that he has not gone public yet. So, she was the first one he told that he was the messiah. Do you know how huge that is?

 She was the first one to bear witness. Do you know how that must have made her feel? I can’t even imagine! When I watched this clip on the chosen series, I bawled my eyes out because even though I don’t know what it would feel like to be standing in front of Jesus’s flesh and blood, but I do know what salvation feels like through him. And it’s an overwhelming, fulfilling pleasure that is unlike anything sexual or physical to my flesh. It goes deeper and reaches down to the very core of my soul. It is like a spring of water welling up to eternal life!

What women wouldn’t want a man to profess his faith, trust, and entire being to her? If the messiah came to me and declared his role as the savior of the world, and I was the first person who bared witness, as an unclean woman, as someone people in this world look down on, I would feel so special and so loved that I would devote my life to Him and wouldn’t give a shit what people thought about me! I would want him to know how grateful I was for his sacrifice to even take the chance to speak to me. I mean he was a Jew! And she was not just a Samaritan woman, but she was an UNCLEAN Samaritan woman. As the messiah, why would he choose her first?

Well, maybe we can discuss that on another episode, because I have a lot to say about the kind of the people Jesus chose to save in his walk and who he chose to walk with for those three years on mission.

How do we worship in spirit and in truth? And what does that have to do with being thirsty?

 I know your probably thinking, “Christina can you get to the point”! Okay Let me jump right back in with this question. How thirsty are you and what are you thirsting for? When I was a kid playing outside it got hot here in Florida. And if I was thirsty, I never asked for a drink of water because I had access to a hose with water that ran freely whenever I felt dehydrated. I could always fill up a cup or drink straight from the hose whenever I wanted. Thirsty in today’s generation means something a little different. The new urban dictionary describes it as “validation and attention”. And people today, women and men usually take a sexual approach to get that attention. It is not unusual to see thirst traps on social media. In fact, it’s the new norm for gaining a following.

In Mathew 7: 7-8 it says, “Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open to you”.  To break this passage down I’d like to first get us to understand that Jesus is Spirit and the truth. We have to also acknowledge that when he left this world in the flesh, he left us an advocate which he called the holy spirit.

Whatever the desire of your heart is, you are to ask for it in Jesus’ name, and then seek until you find it, and then there is one more step, you must knock until the door opens. The way I have always looked at this passage and put it into action was to “want whatever the desires are that he puts on my heart like an addict wants his next fix”. In other words, be thirsty enough to go chase after what you want. But do it in the spirit and in truth so that you have a spring of water that surges up into your soul and nourishes you to eternal life. You can’t do this by being thirsty for fleshly things. Let me just say that. You do this by living a life present with the sprit and walking in the truth.

First you have to realize…YOU pick and choose all your relationships, you choose those jobs, you go to those places, you spend your money and buy those things that hold no real value, you post those images and send those texts, and you make all the choices you make without concern of the future consequences. You pick the things that are toxic, they don’t lift your spirit up. I want you to realize today that you have a choice to change the things you hate about yourself.

It’s okay to enjoy Life and enjoy Sex

You have become so attracted to trauma that when things are going well and you find a nice guy, but there is no major drama going on, it becomes boring for you. You’ve become so used to the trauma that without the distraction of chaos you feel bord, lonely, and complaisant. We live in a society that is turned on by abuse! Why are we so attracted to drama and trauma? Have you noticed narcissism is on the rise? Everyone is a freaking narcissist! It’s ridiculous.

Most people today have an entitlement mentality. Most People will easily benefit themselves at the expense of hurting others! And I would go as far to say everyone wants recognition! And a lot of people today feel threatened and get angry when someone doesn’t agree with their politics, theories, philosophies, or belief systems. This is narcissism at its core. I’ve come to realize that everyone, and I mean everyone, has some narcissistic tendencies. We want control. We need control. Fight, flight, or freeze is human nature. There is no training that could subdue that.  And if there is, someone who can, please direct me to the one who can take me down that path. So far, the closest I’ve been through Jesus. But I still fall short.

They make movies like 50 shades of grey and 365 days and we are so attracted to all the drama. It literally turns us on! We want that kind of controlling and toxic relationship because the media is romancing sexual and physical abuse. We are a species that can adjust to our environment, and we have adjusted to this idea that it’s normal and okay to have abusive, toxic, and same sex relationships. Then when a man comes to a woman and is like super respectful and or doesn’t kiss us on the first date, we think “what’s wrong with me?”. We start questioning if he is gay, married, or if he just saw all of our flaws and eventually insecurity creeps in!

Sex and relationships have lost purpose! So, we are thirsty humans looking for attention any way we can get it.

Now let’s make something very clear right now, I know some of the Gen Z and millennials will say my theory is ancient, but I promise, there is a ton of logic to my madness! Just stay with me for a second!

Sex is supposed to bring two people closer, and in essence it does. There is a thing called soul ties. Just saying! That is why women get so emotionally attached and hurt when a guy has sex with her and then doesn’t call back. Even if he wasn’t that good in bed, didn’t satisfy her, or even if she wasn’t that attracted to him in the first place, she still feels some kind of way. But she will justify her own actions with insults at him. Saying things like “he didn’t even satisfy me”, or “his penis was too small”, or whatever dig she can get at him. Listen, Men do this too don’t let them fool you! I’ve slept with men, and then found myself rushing out of there like a crazy person who just woke up from drunken spiral! Only to get a phone call asking me “why did you leave so soon beautiful? Do you want to go get breakfast?”

But see, if he was distant before we had sex or showed any red flags, I would have stuck it out just to see if I could tame him. But if I know he is one of the nice guys; I assume he would never call back after I slept with him. I’d try to gain control back. Why would he call me back? I just gave up the goods and If I know men, he’s off to the next victim. Unless he’s not! See dating for 7 years and staying single is fun and can be a great learning experience for what you want and don’t want in our next serious relationship. But it also teaches us the meaning of intimacy and the connection two people have during sexual intercourse.

You get to see all the sides of men. And all their similar characteristics and all their different features. You can explore the qualities you love in a man and the ones you don’t. Listen being single for 8 years doesn’t go without it struggles. Especially a woman in her 40’s who is in her prime. Let me just say, It doesn’t go without it difficulties. Thirsty, is an understatement. LoL.

But let me end with this. Life will always have its struggles no matter who you are with. So, it’s not WHO we thirst for, but WHAT we thirst for. If you can get the” WHAT” down, you will eventually meet the “WHO” that aligns with your WHAT.  And when you find that, you will thirst no more. But you will live a life filled with springs of water bubbling up to eternal life for all to witness. You become the living spirt through truth by the example of how you live and have relationships. Remember You can’t have a future sitting around thirsty for fleshly things that offer temporary pleasures when your soul is thirsty for spirit and truth which lasts for eternity.

Okay guys that’s it for today! Come back next week and I will dive into 7 steps and give you some techniques that can help you not only enjoy your relationships while also keeping the sex drives elevated during the duration of your relationship. Let’s get together and find solutions for better, healthier relationships so we don’t have to use thirst traps to get what we really desire. Go forward today, make better decisions tomorrow, and live in abundance.