FORGIVENESS…..

The most talked about action in the Bible, in many Religions, and in our personal healing journeys.

First, let’s get one thing very clear on what Forgiveness is not! Forgiveness does not mean enabling others to continue to hurt us. Some of you listen to churches preach the verse from Luke 6:29 and take it literally! It is meant for you to turn away from arrogance not to tolerate it! Nowhere in the bible does it say men (or any person) can lay their hands on you while you just sit back and tolerate it! Forgiveness does not give permission for others to disrespect or disregard our moral values! But let’s stick to the topic!

INFIDELITY

Cheating is infidelity which is the state of being unfaithful and disloyal. BOTTOM LINE! Let’s stop sugar coating it! Why are we forgiving this behavior? And some of you don’t just forgive it once, but you’ve forgiven it multiple times! WHYYYY????

When we’ve been cheated on, we sit and ponder on all the questions in and on our mind! Most of us ask…”what’s wrong with me? “Why am I not good enough?” “Why didn’t I see the red flags? Or “After all these years how did I miss the signs”? After those questions, and many others, the self-doubt, comparison, and uncertainty of our own worth begins to fester and kick into hard drive.  

Forgiveness should never look like this…. 

First example: “Somehow I didn’t do my part which caused my partner to cheat” And you forgive them because it was your fault.

Or 

Second example: “I overreacted with jealousy and hallucinated the entire thing…he never actually cheated.” Again, forgiving them because you are irrational and unclear about reality.

If that sounds all too familiar let me tell you this…

Stop making excuses for smooth talkers, Con artists, and narcissists! NO, YOU’RE NOT CRAZY! NO, YOU DIDNT HALLUCINATE THE WHOLE THING!  YES, HE IS FULL OF SHIT! AND IF YOU ARE HAVING JELOUS TENDENCIES, HE PUT THEM THERE AND GAVE YOU REASON TO FEEL THAT WAY. If you don’t trust someone it’s because they gave you a reason to distrust them! No one just wakes up jealous or insecure. EVER! Something or someone planted seeds that created these insecurities, self-doubt, and unworthy thoughts and emotions. But what I will say is that getting a handle on it, is your responsibility! Discovering why you are reacting that way and how to release it, is an entirely different journey! And it definitely does not include more toxic assholes in your life! So, take notes and start building boundaries! You can’t and won’t ever truly forgive until you understand “your own truth” and that looks very different for each of us.

Now, with all that said, let me be clear on one thing before I continue, “I do believe we should Forgive people who hurt us! BUT please hear me when I say, “Forgiveness does not mean we’re giving them permission to continue to use us as a doormat or manipulate us into tolerance”! We should HATE EVIL! Evil things people do is not a reflection of you, unless you react with evil in return!

What is Forgiveness

Forgiveness has a lot of definitions on the web. But I am about to explain forgiveness through a biblical approach. NO this is not meant to be religious or manipulating like bible thumper stuff. So don’t worry if bible stuff creeps you out or makes you uncomfortable in some way. I’m not here to convert you! I am about to tell you a story and truth about how I forgave my ex for cheating on me and how I became friends with his mistress! Let me start by saying, I was with him for 14 years. We had two kids together and although we had our struggles and disagreements, I thought we could overcome anything! I really did believe we were the power couple everyone wished they could be! But when he got a younger girl pregnant, I was devastated to say the least! However, I did forgive both of them! That’s right! Her and I became friends and I even….